The problem is that it's getting to be that I can't see white... I can't see black either... yet, I can see them both... it's all just swirling colors... nothing has definition... but that's the only thing that seems to have definition
nothing.
Tuesday, November 20, 2001
Monday, November 19, 2001
(clarifying) Squaring The Circle
Just a note on this (for now). The comment about the grey was a bit of a metaphor... I phrased it that way because of c.'s signature line.
Whether you see it as grey or as multicolored, it's the same point. The problem is my inability... or maybe it's my decreasing ability... to see things as black and white... as defined, like most of the world seems to be able to.
Whether you see it as grey or as multicolored, it's the same point. The problem is my inability... or maybe it's my decreasing ability... to see things as black and white... as defined, like most of the world seems to be able to.
(about) The Pentagram
Even the pentagram tattooed on my wrist is neither upright nor inverted. Again, the reasons for this are many, but in so far as this context is concerned, it's because I think that, ideally, the pentagram should rotate... that people should move in life, not remain still... healthy or not. The more you strengthen one point, the heavier (or maybe lighter?) it gets, pulling up the next point to work on. I'm not sure that's the best way to describe what I mean, but the concept is that if you keep working, and you're balanced, you should keep moving.
If I'm being realistic about my own self right now, I'm not moving... and on top of that, the pentagram is inverted. I think I've been like this for about 4 years or so.
The point that is stuck in the ground, so to speak, is difficult to determine. I think that it's the Emotional part though. My poor emotional state is holding up the works. Depending on the day, I feel nothing, or too much.
Above that stuck Emotional point are the Physical and Mental points. My Physical health is pretty poor... on many levels, and some of the reason why it is so poor is because of the fact that my Mental capacity is compromised as well. It's not that I can't do things, it's that I can't do them right now, because of being held still by that Emotional point.
On top are the Intellectual and Spiritual points... but even those areas are sinking fast.
I don't really know what the solution is. Logic would say that if I strengthen the other four points, it might be enough to pull the emotional point out of the ground and get things rolling again... but I don't know if that's the way it works. I've tried, but that emotional point is still stuck.
...then, I guess if I knew the answer, I wouldn't be stuck in the first place.
If I'm being realistic about my own self right now, I'm not moving... and on top of that, the pentagram is inverted. I think I've been like this for about 4 years or so.
The point that is stuck in the ground, so to speak, is difficult to determine. I think that it's the Emotional part though. My poor emotional state is holding up the works. Depending on the day, I feel nothing, or too much.
Above that stuck Emotional point are the Physical and Mental points. My Physical health is pretty poor... on many levels, and some of the reason why it is so poor is because of the fact that my Mental capacity is compromised as well. It's not that I can't do things, it's that I can't do them right now, because of being held still by that Emotional point.
On top are the Intellectual and Spiritual points... but even those areas are sinking fast.
I don't really know what the solution is. Logic would say that if I strengthen the other four points, it might be enough to pull the emotional point out of the ground and get things rolling again... but I don't know if that's the way it works. I've tried, but that emotional point is still stuck.
...then, I guess if I knew the answer, I wouldn't be stuck in the first place.
Sunday, November 18, 2001
The Pentagram
The pentagram - or, five pointed star, has long been a symbol that I call my own. There are a number of reasons for this, many things that I feel it represents, but for now, I'll just go into one of them.
In life, I believe, there are five main levels of being... or 5 levels that a person should focus on to be, pretty much, the best they can be. (Sometimes I believe that there are only three, but it depends on the day you ask me. ) The pentagram, to me, represents those 5 levels. The levels are: Physical, Emotional, Mental, Intellectual, and Spiritual. How one chooses to live their life will determine which level points up or down, etc.
The Physical - good health, good shape, etc.
The Emotional - a good balance of sensitivity... not numb and not too oversensitive
The Mental - your talents, how well your brain and body interact, your personalitiy traits
The Intellectual - what you know, how much knowledge you have stored in your noggin
The Spiritual - your number and variety of experiences (soul age too, for those who believe in that) and how well in touch with and true to yourself you are
In life, I believe, there are five main levels of being... or 5 levels that a person should focus on to be, pretty much, the best they can be. (Sometimes I believe that there are only three, but it depends on the day you ask me. ) The pentagram, to me, represents those 5 levels. The levels are: Physical, Emotional, Mental, Intellectual, and Spiritual. How one chooses to live their life will determine which level points up or down, etc.
The Physical - good health, good shape, etc.
The Emotional - a good balance of sensitivity... not numb and not too oversensitive
The Mental - your talents, how well your brain and body interact, your personalitiy traits
The Intellectual - what you know, how much knowledge you have stored in your noggin
The Spiritual - your number and variety of experiences (soul age too, for those who believe in that) and how well in touch with and true to yourself you are
Saturday, November 17, 2001
Squaring The Circle
I'm not sure how many topics on labeling and definitions I've posted. I'm sure I've posted quite a few, but I've yet to settle my brain on the subject.
I guess that my main question/confusion is that...
If there is no such thing as a "universal definition" and a label is what the person who wears it says it is, then how can we communicate?
My suspicion there is that we can't. Life is a constant struggle to say what we think others want to hear in order to not offend them, yet also say what we mean.
Why is it that I can say a woman is a woman if she says she's a woman, yet in the next breath I say, "No, a Were is an evolved human."? Is it that I simply follow my own rule book? Follow my own raw nerves? Draw the line at... I'll respect your label as long as it doesn't cause one of mine to slide off?
I guess another question is, how can I convey who or what I am without either disrespecting someone or having to change my own label? If I refuse to call someone a "Vampire" because they do not fit my definition of a "Vampire", am I any better than someone who thinks all women have XX chromosomes?
I find myself feeling less and less able to communicate. The more I, by my own standards, evolve and become enlightened... the more I see things as they, by my own standards, truly are, the more I'm left unable to form sentences.
The more I see that there is no Black and White, the more the Grey eats away at my brain and makes me solidify my definition of the word "insane".
I guess that my main question/confusion is that...
If there is no such thing as a "universal definition" and a label is what the person who wears it says it is, then how can we communicate?
My suspicion there is that we can't. Life is a constant struggle to say what we think others want to hear in order to not offend them, yet also say what we mean.
Why is it that I can say a woman is a woman if she says she's a woman, yet in the next breath I say, "No, a Were is an evolved human."? Is it that I simply follow my own rule book? Follow my own raw nerves? Draw the line at... I'll respect your label as long as it doesn't cause one of mine to slide off?
I guess another question is, how can I convey who or what I am without either disrespecting someone or having to change my own label? If I refuse to call someone a "Vampire" because they do not fit my definition of a "Vampire", am I any better than someone who thinks all women have XX chromosomes?
I find myself feeling less and less able to communicate. The more I, by my own standards, evolve and become enlightened... the more I see things as they, by my own standards, truly are, the more I'm left unable to form sentences.
The more I see that there is no Black and White, the more the Grey eats away at my brain and makes me solidify my definition of the word "insane".
Saturday, November 10, 2001
(getting radicalized?)
FR... nice to see you getting radicalized, old buddy. if you ever feel inclined to become activist (as opposed to just rant-ivist), let me know... i have connections.
there *are* things one can do.
*chuckles* been there, done that... now I do it from behind my keyboard and in other little grassroots ways.
If you know a rich old lady or old man who wants to sponsor a poor boy through Med school, that's probably the direction I'm heading in.... but that's another topic.
there *are* things one can do.
*chuckles* been there, done that... now I do it from behind my keyboard and in other little grassroots ways.
If you know a rich old lady or old man who wants to sponsor a poor boy through Med school, that's probably the direction I'm heading in.... but that's another topic.
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