Maybe I'm just projecting my own stuff (that is what most of us do though).
From a very young age, my entire body felt "wrong". To this day, I still can't get it through my skull that there's nothing big enough to pull out when I approach a toilet... or that there's nothing to protect in a fight... or that there's nothing there to cause the sensations which I actually feel, other than brain activity.
Things which were supposed to be there, weren't... things that weren't supposed to be there, were... but it was like a phantom limb thing. I knew what my body should look like, but it was different every time I looked at it. It simply wasn't my body. Really? It still isn't... but I can deal a little better than I used to. I'm "Intersexed", and I'm doing my best to live with that. I'm a transsexual, and I'm doing my best to live with that. My gender is masculine. I'm a guy who is WAY in touch with his feminine side. My sex is Intersexed. I have physical attributes of both/all recognized sexes. What should I be? Well, there's a reason I am they way I am... so I can't say that I should be otherwise. I couldn't have learned the lessons I have, if I were any other way... but I could stand for living as a biologically "normal" male for a while. Life is pretty rough like this, and I get tired of it a lot. I think it'd be worse as a biologically "normal" female though... although I'm sure I could survive it for a few years if I had to. It does have its perks... but least the way I look now is closer to what I feel is right for me.
I could see this as transsexualism... or take it to another level, and involve past lives... but either way, although I appreciate the opportuinity to experience life this way... I REALLY need a fucking break in the next life.
Wednesday, August 14, 2002
(WereHuman Conflict)
I've always found it pretty odd that when a person calls themself a Werecreature, they don't count "human" as an animal... you're only a "Were" if you have a non-human animal as a "were side".
Why is it that a person can have a wolf side, but not another human side? Are all humans identical?
To some, it may be a little redundant to say Werehuman, but to me, it might also mean that you have a duality... but the duality is human - human. It also allows for multiplicity... and for my calling myself a "Polywere".
Is "Were" along the lines of "transspecieal"? Are you a wolf inside and human on the outside, or is it a duality... that both exist within... seperate yet together?
Right.
This place is just full of "Weres" to answer that question.
Why is it that a person can have a wolf side, but not another human side? Are all humans identical?
To some, it may be a little redundant to say Werehuman, but to me, it might also mean that you have a duality... but the duality is human - human. It also allows for multiplicity... and for my calling myself a "Polywere".
Is "Were" along the lines of "transspecieal"? Are you a wolf inside and human on the outside, or is it a duality... that both exist within... seperate yet together?
Right.
This place is just full of "Weres" to answer that question.
Re: MS
Not to crash, but... your attitude will never cease to amaze me, J. I don't know that I could do anywhere near as well if it was me.
...In the pants... (g)
Well... I had been meaning to get into the whole "transspecieal" thing, but...
Hopefully I can get this out without seeming offensive...
(Again) It's often tough to put my thoughts into accurate words...
I agree that perhaps I should not use the word "always", but as well, I want to attempt to distinguish between someone who is "transsexual" and someone who is, for example, schizophrenic. Not that there isn't a such thing as a schizophrenic transsexual, but to me, there's a difference between someone who has a female brain and a stereotypically male body, and someone who has the temporary delusion that they're actually a female.
As well, to me, there's also a difference between seeing oneself as a female and seeing oneself as a woman. One is sex, and the other is gender. A male who sees oneself as a woman, but is completely comfortable with one's body... no, I'd not see that person as Intersexed. I'd see that person as a transgendered male.
I'm not up on the wording of the standards of care, but if it actually says "one always had the sense of wrong gender", I'd have to disagree. To me, it's about having the sense of wrong "sex". To me, transsexualism is about the body. Transgender is about gender role. If the body is fine, but the imposed role is wrong, then it's about the role... the gender assignment. The fact that people think that in order to be a woman, a person has to have certain parts, is pretty twisted... and, I think, a mentality which affects people in very negative ways. There's no reason that a woman should feel less of a woman if she loses a breast to cancer. There's no reason that a small penis should make a man feel less of a man. I think that people not being taught to separate sex from gender is something which does nothing but cause pain. To me, that surgery is recommended to men who enjoy lingerie, long hair, and getting their nails done is simply brutal... and it is sexist. Pink may be a feminine thing, but it is not a female thing.
That aside though, if a person desires to change their body in order to better express themself, that's all fine and good. There's nothing wrong with that... "My body, my choice". I just think that people should be made aware that the parts don't make the gender. To me, no matter what surgery a person gets or does not get, their gender does not change because of it. Gender may well change day to day, year to year, or hour to hour, and that's fine. I'll respect a person no matter what... but no matter what their gender does, it does not change a person's sex (in my book).
Maybe I fail to realize that as "gender" is a social construct, it does include things like body parts from time to time. Be that as it may, I'm part of society.... and I object.
Hopefully I can get this out without seeming offensive...
(Again) It's often tough to put my thoughts into accurate words...
I agree that perhaps I should not use the word "always", but as well, I want to attempt to distinguish between someone who is "transsexual" and someone who is, for example, schizophrenic. Not that there isn't a such thing as a schizophrenic transsexual, but to me, there's a difference between someone who has a female brain and a stereotypically male body, and someone who has the temporary delusion that they're actually a female.
As well, to me, there's also a difference between seeing oneself as a female and seeing oneself as a woman. One is sex, and the other is gender. A male who sees oneself as a woman, but is completely comfortable with one's body... no, I'd not see that person as Intersexed. I'd see that person as a transgendered male.
I'm not up on the wording of the standards of care, but if it actually says "one always had the sense of wrong gender", I'd have to disagree. To me, it's about having the sense of wrong "sex". To me, transsexualism is about the body. Transgender is about gender role. If the body is fine, but the imposed role is wrong, then it's about the role... the gender assignment. The fact that people think that in order to be a woman, a person has to have certain parts, is pretty twisted... and, I think, a mentality which affects people in very negative ways. There's no reason that a woman should feel less of a woman if she loses a breast to cancer. There's no reason that a small penis should make a man feel less of a man. I think that people not being taught to separate sex from gender is something which does nothing but cause pain. To me, that surgery is recommended to men who enjoy lingerie, long hair, and getting their nails done is simply brutal... and it is sexist. Pink may be a feminine thing, but it is not a female thing.
That aside though, if a person desires to change their body in order to better express themself, that's all fine and good. There's nothing wrong with that... "My body, my choice". I just think that people should be made aware that the parts don't make the gender. To me, no matter what surgery a person gets or does not get, their gender does not change because of it. Gender may well change day to day, year to year, or hour to hour, and that's fine. I'll respect a person no matter what... but no matter what their gender does, it does not change a person's sex (in my book).
Maybe I fail to realize that as "gender" is a social construct, it does include things like body parts from time to time. Be that as it may, I'm part of society.... and I object.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
...In the pants... (f) labels
I think that I understand what you're saying, Kr.... and I think that's what I'm saying.
I asked sk. to define what she means by "transsexual"... but I think that maybe I should have asked her to define "Intersex" instead.
I often have trouble putting my thoughts into words, because I do not understand the language of others enough to put my thoughts into their words.
Another problem is that, unlike sk., I see a lot of crossover with things. I can't keep things "strictly scientific", or "strictly spiritual", and often while attempting to explain a thought or theory, I trip over words which are supposed to be used only for one or the other.
I'll try, once more, to explain the way I see things/people.
On one level, everyone, with the exception of maybe one or two people whom I've never met, is transgendered and Intersexed. I don't see sex as polar, and gender is transient and subjective. There is no other way for me to explain the way people appear to me. I just cannot make my brain polarize the way it obviously should be able to, unless I sit and spend a long time forcing it to. My immediate reaction to people is to see them as people. Sex and gender take time for me to determine. However... respect is also something that is automatic for me. No matter how I see someone, I respect them in a way they would want me to. If I see a person, and that person identifies as "he", I call him "he". If I don't know, then I use clues. Most people express their preference in style of dress and modes of action. If people are naked, even body language can assist in this. Penis does not mean "he", and breasts do not mean "she". They're just body parts. I won't use gendered language if I have no clues.
Basically, when I affix labels to people in a situation where none have been offered to me for use by the person I'm talking about, but where one is necessary, I try to use the label I think the person would most want. Whether or not I see someone as Transgendered or Intersexed or anything else... I attempt to respect the person's wishes and refer to them in a manner which shows that respect.
If we're talking strictly science, I think that, because the brain is an organ, if a person feels that their body is the "wrong" sex, I would see that person as Intersexed. In the realm of science, sex is defined, as opposed to being seen as a continuum. If I attempt to see it that way, I include the brain as an organ, where as most do not, while determining a person's sex. Purely scientifically, if I had to determine what makes one a male, female, or intersexed person, I would include a person's "sex identity" as one of the factors, as well as using whatever research there is about size, shape, etc. of the brain. If a person has always felt that they were an "X" in the body of a "Y", I count that "X" as the "brain's sex".
Still scientifically,
I think that those transsexuals who have always felt that they were, for example, female, but something went horribly wrong with their body and they ended up looking male, are indeed Intersexed, even without HRT or surgeries, and even after HRT or surgery.
I think that those people who are Intersexed who have had the same experience (feeling that their body was "wrong") and have had to transition, are Transsexual.
Not scientifically,
We're all just people who pick the labels that best tell our own story, and we pick labels for others based on our own definitions and our own level of respect for that person, when none are given to us.
Me? I'm Intersexed, Transsexual, and I prefer masculine pronouns.
(11:27pm) addendum:
The reason why I tell people I'm Intersexed, and leave the "Transsexual" part out of it for a while is because in telling people who I am, I have to tell people I'm Intersexed in order to protect myself. (I really don't think that it's anyone's business, but unfortunately, I know the results of not saying anything) That little tidbit of information, if left unsaid, would have people accusing me of being a liar, and might potentially endanger my life if it came out at the wrong time. Telling people my life history is something else entirely. "Transsexual" has a history... it's an action along with a state of being. "Intersexed" is the current "condition" of my body, and not frequently interpreted as anything more.
Transsexual = I changed
Intersexed = I'm different
Hope this makes some sort of sense.
I asked sk. to define what she means by "transsexual"... but I think that maybe I should have asked her to define "Intersex" instead.
I often have trouble putting my thoughts into words, because I do not understand the language of others enough to put my thoughts into their words.
Another problem is that, unlike sk., I see a lot of crossover with things. I can't keep things "strictly scientific", or "strictly spiritual", and often while attempting to explain a thought or theory, I trip over words which are supposed to be used only for one or the other.
I'll try, once more, to explain the way I see things/people.
On one level, everyone, with the exception of maybe one or two people whom I've never met, is transgendered and Intersexed. I don't see sex as polar, and gender is transient and subjective. There is no other way for me to explain the way people appear to me. I just cannot make my brain polarize the way it obviously should be able to, unless I sit and spend a long time forcing it to. My immediate reaction to people is to see them as people. Sex and gender take time for me to determine. However... respect is also something that is automatic for me. No matter how I see someone, I respect them in a way they would want me to. If I see a person, and that person identifies as "he", I call him "he". If I don't know, then I use clues. Most people express their preference in style of dress and modes of action. If people are naked, even body language can assist in this. Penis does not mean "he", and breasts do not mean "she". They're just body parts. I won't use gendered language if I have no clues.
Basically, when I affix labels to people in a situation where none have been offered to me for use by the person I'm talking about, but where one is necessary, I try to use the label I think the person would most want. Whether or not I see someone as Transgendered or Intersexed or anything else... I attempt to respect the person's wishes and refer to them in a manner which shows that respect.
If we're talking strictly science, I think that, because the brain is an organ, if a person feels that their body is the "wrong" sex, I would see that person as Intersexed. In the realm of science, sex is defined, as opposed to being seen as a continuum. If I attempt to see it that way, I include the brain as an organ, where as most do not, while determining a person's sex. Purely scientifically, if I had to determine what makes one a male, female, or intersexed person, I would include a person's "sex identity" as one of the factors, as well as using whatever research there is about size, shape, etc. of the brain. If a person has always felt that they were an "X" in the body of a "Y", I count that "X" as the "brain's sex".
Still scientifically,
I think that those transsexuals who have always felt that they were, for example, female, but something went horribly wrong with their body and they ended up looking male, are indeed Intersexed, even without HRT or surgeries, and even after HRT or surgery.
I think that those people who are Intersexed who have had the same experience (feeling that their body was "wrong") and have had to transition, are Transsexual.
Not scientifically,
We're all just people who pick the labels that best tell our own story, and we pick labels for others based on our own definitions and our own level of respect for that person, when none are given to us.
Me? I'm Intersexed, Transsexual, and I prefer masculine pronouns.
(11:27pm) addendum:
The reason why I tell people I'm Intersexed, and leave the "Transsexual" part out of it for a while is because in telling people who I am, I have to tell people I'm Intersexed in order to protect myself. (I really don't think that it's anyone's business, but unfortunately, I know the results of not saying anything) That little tidbit of information, if left unsaid, would have people accusing me of being a liar, and might potentially endanger my life if it came out at the wrong time. Telling people my life history is something else entirely. "Transsexual" has a history... it's an action along with a state of being. "Intersexed" is the current "condition" of my body, and not frequently interpreted as anything more.
Transsexual = I changed
Intersexed = I'm different
Hope this makes some sort of sense.
Monday, August 12, 2002
Letting you know
Just about everyone on this (my) board knows how I feel about lurkers.
I don't want lurkers in my section.
I'm tired of feeling like entertainment.
I don't want lurkers in my section.
I'm tired of feeling like entertainment.
(just a rhetorical thought)
Do you think that people who are naturally shy and/or passive are like that because, in truth, in our human packs, we need "betas" and "omegas"?
I mean... do you think that it might actually be an inherent thing?
...that over the years, as humans evolved, because we came from a pack-like background, perhaps shyness, insecurity, etc. actually became something certain people are predisposed to... because betas and omegas actually served a vital purpose within the pack... a purpose as vital to survival of the species as the desire to reproduce?
...is it not possible that Betas and Omegas exist for a social reason, as opposed to being "weaker"... that those traits are not negative, but in fact vital and positive? ...that things like insecurity and shyness are actually inherent because of a need for Betas and Omegas, etc.?
I mean... do you think that it might actually be an inherent thing?
...that over the years, as humans evolved, because we came from a pack-like background, perhaps shyness, insecurity, etc. actually became something certain people are predisposed to... because betas and omegas actually served a vital purpose within the pack... a purpose as vital to survival of the species as the desire to reproduce?
...is it not possible that Betas and Omegas exist for a social reason, as opposed to being "weaker"... that those traits are not negative, but in fact vital and positive? ...that things like insecurity and shyness are actually inherent because of a need for Betas and Omegas, etc.?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
