"Flames"

Today, at the food store, I bought a package of matches. I rarely use matches... but seeing the little boxes got me nostalgic, and so I bought them.

Later, I was hanging out with my brother and I went to light my cigarette. "Look! Michael Jackson!", I said bopping the lit match up and down. (Small chuckle from my brother) "Richard Pryor!" (smaller chuckle) Realizing his age (20) I then said "Great White!" and got, along with a laugh, a "That's so wrong!". I then said, "ok, it's not accurate, I'd have to light the whole box up." and chuckled myself.

Feeling a bit odd, I then (sort of) apologized and expressed my true feelings and fear about the whole incident... not wanting him (or the Gods, fates, or Scooby Doo) to misinterpret me (or, in the case of Scooby and friends, think that they had to make a point with me in some twisted cosmic way).

Some things shouldn't be joked about... this is true... so why do we? I don't know... maybe to take the edge off... maybe it's just grasping at straws for a laugh... or just maybe a little bit of both.


To stop and think about it for a moment... to put yourself in that club, that night... to feel the fun... then the confusion... then the push... then the heat...

to look behind you... to see the bright blaze... to hear the screams... to watch people incinerate... to feel yourself incinerate...


crackling

like being in a box of lit matches


then quiet


So, you force yourself to joke, rather than scream.

Once upon a time...

Decide yourself if radios gonna stay.
Reason: it could polish up the grey.
Put that, put that, put that up your wall
That this isn't country at all

Raving station, decide yourself

Keep me out of country in the word
Deal the porch is leading us absurd.
Push that, push that, push that to the hull
That this isn't nothing at all.

Straight off the boat, where to go?
Calling on in transit, calling on in transit
Radio Free Europe, radio.

Beside defying media too fast
Instead of pushing palaces to fall
Put that, put that, put that before all
That this isn't fortunate at all

Raving station, decide yourself
Calling on in transit, calling on in transit
Radio Free Europe, radio.

Decide yourself, calling all of the medias too fast

Keep me out of country in the word
Disappoint is into us absurd

Straight off the boat, where to go?
Calling on in transit, calling on in transit
Radio Free Europe
Radio Free Europe

Calling on in transit, calling on in transit
Radio Free Europe
Radio Free Europe

(Radio Free Europe - R.E.M.)


some albums hold so much.



I was little once. Just a little lost kid. full of rage... a seed... yes, that's what I once was.. a seed.


I look at the tree, and its roots, and there's music... song after song... residue... scars... patterns in the bark

When they cut me open there'll be rings where Michael Stipe and Bono cut me open in 1984.


Stars in my night sky... Some shine so much brighter than others... there's Freddie, and David, and Peter, and Vosco...

Sometimes I get the whole "star" thing. I know what the word means... why it's the word they use for such people.


Theres a problem, feathers iron
Bargain buildings, weights and pulleys
Feathers hit the ground before the weight can leave the air
Buy the sky and sell the sky and tell the sky and tell the sky

Don't fall on me (What is it up in the air for) (It's gonna fall)
Fall on me (If it's there for long) (It's gonna fall)
Fall on me (It's over its over me) (Its gonna fall)

There's the progress we have found (when the rain)
A way to talk around the problem (when the children reign)
Building towered foresight (keep your conscience in the dark)
isn't anything at all (melt the statues in the park)
Buy the sky and sell the sky and bleed the sky and tell the sky

Don't fall on me (What is it up in the air for) (It's gonna fall)
Fall on me (If it's there for long) (It's gonna fall)
Fall on me (It's over it's over me) (It's gonna fall)
Don't fall on me

Well I could keep it above
But then it wouldn't be sky anymore
So if I send it to you you've got to promise to keep it whole

Buy the sky and sell the sky and lift your arms up to the sky
And ask the sky and ask the sky

Don't fall on me (What is it up in the air for) (It's gonna fall)
Fall on me (If it's there for long) (It's gonna fall)
Fall on me (It's over it's over me) (It's gonna fall)

("Fall On Me" - R.E.M.)

WARNING

Music, in my opinion, is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. Music does indeed leave scars and scabs.

(War on Iraq)

At this point, I'm so confused...

I don't know what to believe. Whether it's what I read online, hear on tv, or read in the paper, I can't seem to set my head on anything. It's all hearsay.

There's an overpopulation problem. That directly affects me. How can I stand against something that might help in that area?

Then, if I had my choice, I wouldn't want "innocent" people to die. That's the catch. You can't pick and choose. You can't go across the world deciding who should just jump the hell out of the gene pool and who should keep it going.

I'm not anti-muslim. I'm anti-ANY religion that discriminates against people, based on what is or is not in their pants or whom they choose to partner with, and also, any religion that is based on fear. (That's about all organized religions.) Too, when I address "religion", the same can apply to "government".

I suppose that I just want to use force to make people wake the hell up. I want an end to closed mindedness. I suppose that's why I'm so anti - Reverend Bush.

We're NOT one Nation under GOD. We might be a Nation whose majority believe in a higher power, but you can't really say "WE" when it's not a consensus.

If they'd just add an "O" to the God part....

I'd be ok with "One Nation Devoted To GOOD".

Wearing thin

So damn tired of hoping for things that never happen.

I have no clue what I want to do with this online thing. More often than not, it's more of a frustration than anything else.


"bored bored bored bored bored bored"
- Garfield (immediately preceding being hit with a screen door)

ssdd

Drank some beer, took some pills.

What else is new.

Perhaps sleep will come.

focusing on my problems

I find that focusing on my problems enables me to solve them (as if I have a choice whether or not to focus on them in the first place). I think that introspection is actually pretty vital. People tend to take out their misery on others when they're not aware of its source. People "project"... they tend to think that what they feel is what others feel. It's the whole welfare - "they just don't want to work" mentality. Just because someone hates their job and would rather be home sitting on their ass, they think that people who are stuck in life actually choose to be that way. They think that people on Welfare actually choose to be... that they feel like they do... that they truly do not want to work.

I wish more people would take a good hard look at their own shit. Maybe the world would be a little kinder and gentler.