(idealizing - cont'd)

ok... so much for the sleep idea...

If I hit the lottery, I'd go. If I found a time machine... I'd go back. If I could afford it, I'd move back into town.

Is it because I'm a masochist? No, I don't think so. I'm not saying that I'm not a masochist, because if you want to get technical about that, many a shrinkydink would say that I was, but that's not why. I don't want to "go back" because I desire the pain.

Am I "entertained by people"? Absolutely, but I don't have to "go back" to be around people if I want to be entertained.

I can only assume that it must be desire to "do it again"... some sort of unconscious drive to correct what I feel I did wrong... to prove to myself that I can do it right... that I actually "learned"... and also... in this case, that I can overcome this "disability".