(Day after day...) cont'd and cont'd

You're seeing MALE and FEMALE. You're tossing TRANS into the mix, creating a third sex. What happens if you stop polarizing? What happens if you see sex as something internal and known to one's self rather than something created by chromosomes and body parts? What happens if you see sex as a continuum and labels as labels?

Transsexualism is not about being valued! If that were the case, "men" would NOT desire to be seen as "women" (in our society). It is only about the body and chemicals in the body. MtF transsexuals are those with Testosterone poisoning. FtMs are those with Testosterone deficiency. Male and Female are labels based on body parts. The Transsexual doesn't just desire to exchange labels, if you talk to a few, they'll assure you that you can call them anything you damn well please, as long as they can correct their body. In truth, Transsexuals know damn well that they'll most likely not be valued even after they change their bodies... EVEN MORE SO THAN BEFORE THEY CHANGE.

(Day after day...) cont'd

Transsexualism is a MUCH different scenario. It's like waking up in a clown suit that you can't get out of one day, then trying to convince yourself and everyone else that you're not a clown. It's like having the body of a donkey and attempting to convince everyone that you're a human. It's KNOWING that you're not a clown and attempting to live your life in that clown suit anyway. In the end, it's either die or get surgery.

God created Cancer too... should that be left alone? God made the headache I'm getting... I'm taking some goddamn Tylenol... BECAUSE GOD MADE THAT TOO.

KILL THEM ALL

OK.. so I had a bad day.

Sometimes I'm lucky and I come across non-Weres that, even though they don't really get it, are open enough to respect me. Then.... there are days like today. ...takes everything I have not to put every last one of them through a plate glass window head first.

*sighs*

just had to vent.

(Day after day...)

So... like... one day you wake up with a giant mole on your face... is removing it "altering yourself"?
Is combing your hair?
Is putting on clothing?
Is clipping your nails?
Is taking your required insulin?

Ay Poe um

EYE WOOD LIKE SUM
PEE SOUP AND SUM
LOCKS WITH A BAY GULL
PLEASE

FOUR DESSERT EYE
WOOD LOVE SUM
EYES SCREAM, OAR
MAY BEE SUM
BLEW BARRY PI

EAT WAIL
LEARN TWO SPILL

(MPD sleep problems)

...that's what I meant by taking turns... someone is always up... I've got them there sleep disorders as well.

Label Parade

I have plenty of psych labels. By law, I'm declared "mentally ill" and "disabled". The primary label is DID - formerly MPD, and the secondary one is PTSD. By some standards, I've been misdiagnosed in the past... but anyone who knows anything about MPD knows that's pretty common, as each "alter" can display a different "mental illness". I've had many labels... Major Depression - recurrent, Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, OCD, Autistic, Gender Dysphoria (thank the Gods that one went the way of the Homo), on and on. There was a "social worker" when I was about 7, the stint at the Drug Rehab in '85 (I wasn't even an addict yet!), the shrink from '85 - 86, the loonytute in '87, and 3 more times in '94. I think that there were about 10 shrinks total. If you get a shrink that's intelligent enough, they can be a good sounding board... keeps a lot of the weight off of your friends... but I've yet to find one who does any sort of real good. I usually spend most of my time educating them, and they spend most of their time being fascinated by me and concentrating on things that are their issues - not mine. It doesn't help that I'm defensive as all hell, but it's their job to get past that. I'm the one who's supposed to be crazy.

The meds are endless as well. For every label there are at least 3 billion drugs, and they love testing them out. I can't even remember them all. Thorazine, Lithium, Xanax, Risperadal, Ativan... to name a few. Ativan is my current one, 3 mgs a day. (*chuckles* I challenge anyone to function on 21 mgs of Ativan and 2 cases of beer a week.)

At this point I'm considering looking for another shrink. No, I don't think that there's one out there with a magic wand, but I feel badly about putting so much pressure on my friends. Things are getting a little worse too, and it's best that's documented. The last thing I need is someone doubting my insanity... bad things happen when someone attempts to say that I'm "normal".