(What community?)

...I DO hear what you're saying... but I guess that I just don't see Weres as having a "community" at this point. Ask the average person what a Were is and they think that you're drunk or something. It may be possible, in time... but right now it seems more like a bunch of scattered people. I think part of what makes a community is coming in contact with one another... that's why I can see it online. Online we come in contact with one another... it's a bit of an "underground" community... but it's here. Offline, there are no Were bars or hang outs, just a few howls every now and again. As well, other than calling yourself a Were, it's nearly impossible to define what exactly a Were is. It's easy with leather or religions or sexualities... but there is no set definition of "Were"... and I'm not sure that there ever will be above and beyond "you just are, sort of are, or aren't". Another thing that makes a community is the coming together of individuals... It's packs of "Were-like-me"s... I do see it slowly taking form... Weres are forming small circles, and eventually those small circles will connect... it just hasn't happened yet. Even within established communities there is fighting about "terms". How often do people in the Gay community fight about whether or not someone is still part of the community if they're bi or trans? There's "Gay like me" and not. What makes it a community is that despite the fighting, proudly flying the Gay colors still makes you rank above the rest of the world in a way... it's a "you and me against the world" type of thing. I don't see that in Weres... there are no Were colors... Weres don't even exist in the society handbook yet.

You mention being a member of many communities... that was exactly what I was saying... that the Weres I know find kin in many places... many communities... they rarely belong to just one group. As I said, "their communities are a combination of people... not just others that call themselves "Were". Perhaps it was not the best way to word it... but what I meant was that the Weres I've met basically pick and choose from a lot of groups... and they fit in well with many groups. I think that maybe I should have said... "their close friends are drawn from many different communities, and they do not seem to have only other Weres as close companions."? They seem to, in a way, create their own communities out of a mixture of people from other established communities.

I know... I'm not making sense to myself either... there are Mercury boogers in my brain.

I dunno... maybe, one day, there will be a Were community... but for now I think that it's just an online thing.

As for taking someone's word on whether or not someone's a Were... I just can't do it that way. I've tried that route... and I won't do that again. For me... it's my own gut that I have to follow... or my own Ravens. If one perches on your head, then I'll know. *shrugs* I'm just a cynic, I guess. I'll take a person's word for it that another person calls themself a Were... but in order for me to see someone as pack, sibling, or or even "Were-like-me"... I have to sniff them out. Yes... I still consider them members of the Were community, as existant or non-existant as that may be... but when it comes down to playing favorites, it doesn't mean a thing to me to know that you're using a term that I use.

About leading and setting an example... that's exactly the point I was trying to make. To me... what I consider to be an Alpha is one who just IS... who sets an example just by doing and by being. I've just noticed that most Weres I've come across (or most that I've considered to be Were) are people like that.

Will Weres beat out TV? Every time. Weres influence the writers of the programs... Weres write the programs... If you look really hard at TV, you can see it. It's spoon-fed most of the time... but the truth is there... and so is the Were influence. (my opinion, as always.)

(an "Alpha"?)

Like I said... it depends on the day... but the way I see an "Alpha" is usually as someone who is a leader just by their nature... someone who is followed just because it makes sense and because it's actually enjoyable.

I think the way I view "Alphas" is different than how others might view them... I forget which thread it was... one of the ones about the animals I live with, I think... someone pointed out that there are two different types of dominant cats... ones who just butt on in there and bully their way to the cat dish, and those who make sure that their brothers gets food first... or something to that effect. That's sort of how I see it in people as well. There are leaders who rule by fear... by size or size of firearm, and then there are those who just go about their lives and have people naturally follow them because what they're doing just makes more sense than what the others are doing.

When I see Weres mixed into the population in general, they seem like natural-born Alphas, in the sense that most people around them tend to interact with them that way... they tend to see the Were as someone to listen to and, in a sense, follow... even though (and maybe because of the fact that) it seems Weres don't like to be around large groups or be burdened by "leading" anyone.

As for a "Were community"... honestly... I just don't see it. There's a lot of online stuff, but I honestly don't see any "Were community". I know the Weres that I connect with, and the people that I don't... but it's a far cry from a "Were community". Speaking for Weres like me, their communities are a combination of people... not just others that call themselves "Were"... this is for many reasons (all people being just as valued, being one), but I think the truth is that there are so few Weres that building an actual community is next to impossible. We're scattered all over the globe, and until we are centrally located, the only community is online, and in Were reality (again, I'm talking about "Were like me").... you don't call a person a sibling or packmate until you can smell them, and they smell like home.

(Religion)

If what you are is a Were, then I AM deviant from whatever a Were is... and DAMN proud of it.

You know... I've been mincing words for a while now, attempting to show some respect, but fuck it... If you're a Were... I'm not.... and if you're not an asshole, I AM.

Your head is up your ass... I don't give a shit how old you are, how involved in the so-called "Were-community" you are, or anything else. All you do is LABEL. You categorize, you make judgments, and you talk out of your fucking ass.

If saying so makes me a fucking asshole, then I'll be an asshole. Read your own fucking words! You're a damn hypocrite!

You have every right to post here... every right to express yourself, but I have every right to call you on it when you're saying shit that pisses me off.

Religion is a load of crap to me... it's for mindless fucking sheep. That's MY opinion... and if that makes me "deviant"... WOOHOO!!!!! I'm fucking deviant! Religion IS harmful! It's all about controlling the stupid masses! THAT is the purpose of religion.... TO CONTROL.

Why the fuck am I even bothering...

Wake the fuck up....

you'd be a REALLY nice guy if you'd just STOP IT.

(More morbidity)

Since we are already thinking about death anyway, how would you least like to die in each of the four main catagories? (accident, homicide, suicide, natural)

(my answer?)

accidental- fire
homicide- raped/tortured (blood loss)
suicide- drinking drain cleaner
natural- MS

Empathy is insanity.

It took me a while to understand the whole "empathy" thing. Actually, it wasn't until recently that I, finally, really woke up to just how much it has affected my life. For years, being an empath was being a really messed up Trekkie to me. That's about as much credit as I gave the label. Whatever it was that I was experiencing just had to do with being Psychic. I'm not even so sure that I still don't see the two terms as synonymous.

I think that empathy is linked to learning... aping, parroting, mimicking. It's something that is biological... serves or once served to enable us to survive. With those who are actually empathic, this inherent quality is just rather strong. I definitely notice when a person is lacking this quality... and it makes me nuts attempting to be around them... you know... those people who "just can't take a hint".

I've noticed, in my self/selves that it's not just that whatever another person is feeling that I end up feeling... it's also the way in which a person speaks, moves, carries themself, etc. In order to stop myself, it actually takes a hell of a lot of conscious effort, and if I don't keep on myself about it, I revert right back.

For example, my housemate broke his ankle last Friday. On Saturday, I went outside to have a smoke and all of a sudden realized that I was limping. When I realized it, I had a brain explosion... a sort of epiphany. I'd never really noticed the extent of my empathy, but at that moment... I finally got it.

I'm glad that I'm still growing and still able to gain more insight into my being/s. I think that recognizing just how extreme my empathy is, is a great start for getting a better handle on it. It's affected my life for 31+ years, even though I had no real knowledge of what it meant to be an empath. It's enabled me to understand people much better than the average person does, but it has also made me nuts and totally dysfunctional in social situations... I'm constantly bombarded by everyone else's energies... it's like the world is attempting to possess me.

I may not be homicidal... it's entirely possible that it's just that everyone else is.

Indeed... I am God.

(Who's gonna miss a few people more or less?)

Actually, there are days where I truly do believe that Weres are the aliens, and that's part of our job... to decide which way the human race is heading.... sort of like being alphas to the human population. That's one thing I can say that I've noticed about the Weres I've met... we're the ones who set the trends, not the ones who follow them blindly.

crucified for your sins

would you?

Would you love me like you do him?

would you?

Would you save me...

save yourself...

save the whole fucking world?

Would you cum afterwards?

Blasphemer.

It's just blood...

isn't it?

on stuff

I'm in a purge mode lately... desiring to just get rid of stuff... it's usually a reflection of my life... the feeling of just being overwhelmed... of having too much meaningless shit gunking up the works and slowing me down.

Sometimes that's the scariest thing of all about dying...

You can't take it with you.

Maybe it's best not to attach.

The Lost Pigeon Project, continued...

Sometimes I wish that all I did was keep this journal... screw all the online shit. I write and write and write... I don’t know what the point is. I’m still a lost pigeon. My life may indeed make an entertaining book, but unless you've lived it... you’ll never understand. So many people just want to project... the whole “well, if I can do it, so can you” attitude.

I’ve felt so violent lately. I know that I won’t hurt anyone... other than myself that is... but stifling the rage is getting more and more difficult. I knew that I’d long for the roach infested corpse motel when I left it... and I do now. I long for some quiet.. .some SLEEP, some mobility and freedom. I don’t know what the answer is. I have an online friend who has been attempting to convince me to move South and live with him. It’d be the same situation as here though, maybe minus the noise. Too, we’re very different people. He’s a leave the door open, share everything Christian... I’m a lock the door, what’s mine is mine Pagan. I’m also a Polywere... an MPD person who never stopped tripping... and he’ll never get that. Neither option is ideal... then... neither is the street. I could do a repeat of ‘93... get rid of just about everything and hit the road... but why? In a way, I’ve already done it. All I have is what is in this room... the rest is in storage... may as well be gone. It’s just not the way I want to live... not the way I’ll survive for very long.

...then... do I really want to survive for very long? I don’t know. I really have no fucking clue as to what it is that I want.


I really don’t know how much more I can take... I don’t know what to do either. Stuck stuck stuck.

What the fuck is the answer?