I'm rarely happy... but that doesn't mean that I don't appreciate things in life.
Some "little" things make me smile... make me forget grim reality for a bit...
sushi. I don't know why, but sushi makes me "happy". (They say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... in this... I tend to agree!)
Seagulls. How can any creature that makes that noise NOT make you laugh?!
clean sheets. There's just something about them that makes everything ok for the moment.
(honestly?) money. If I have it, I feel a lot better. (Probably because I can afford sushi!)
drumming. I feel happy playing with a (good) group of musicians. When the music is right... I'm right.
various animals. I'd list them all, but it'd be a long list.
Aleister. He's "my" cat (although he really lives with my best friend). I like that he's grumpy like me... and that he likes me, despite that.
Saturday, April 27, 2002
Friday, April 26, 2002
(9/11 The holiday?)
There are way too many "empty" holidays in America. I think that making 9/11 a holiday makes sense, as it would be a holiday that would actually mean something other than business for Hallmark. Perhaps we could drop a couple in exchange... like Valentine and Ground Hog days... and X-mas and Easter too. Church and State are not supposed to be combined in this country. Religious holidays should not be National holidays.
We have a "labor" day and a "memorial" day. Either one would work for 9/11 people, in my opinion. Police, Firefighters, Medical Personell, Iron Workers, and even ordinary citizens all went above and beyond the call of duty that day. Maybe we could drop labor day and memorial day, and combine them into one "above and beyond the call of duty" day, and celebrate it on 9/11.
We have a "labor" day and a "memorial" day. Either one would work for 9/11 people, in my opinion. Police, Firefighters, Medical Personell, Iron Workers, and even ordinary citizens all went above and beyond the call of duty that day. Maybe we could drop labor day and memorial day, and combine them into one "above and beyond the call of duty" day, and celebrate it on 9/11.
Tuesday, April 23, 2002
("toilet trouble" - PPP)
I'd gladly pay $5 for some actual privacy. I've even chosen where to eat based on whether or not they have single bathrooms or multiple ones.
I'll tell ya... there's money in it. If I had the ability, I'd go into the business of installing PPP bathrooms. (Pay per poop? Pay per pee? Pay per privacy!) I'd split the money with the business owner, 70/30, plus the cost of installation and parts. All stalls, all the time, all private (sound and see proof!).
P.S. - That's 70% for the business owner. I'd still get rich enough to eat sushi every day!
I'll tell ya... there's money in it. If I had the ability, I'd go into the business of installing PPP bathrooms. (Pay per poop? Pay per pee? Pay per privacy!) I'd split the money with the business owner, 70/30, plus the cost of installation and parts. All stalls, all the time, all private (sound and see proof!).
P.S. - That's 70% for the business owner. I'd still get rich enough to eat sushi every day!
Monday, April 22, 2002
("toilet trouble") Advice from an old camel
I'm petrified of public restrooms. Always have been.
My advice, try to work through it. Being a camel is ok for a while, but by the time you hit about 25, you'll pay for it. Holding it is really bad for you. Trust me, I have the bladder of a 90 year old at this point.
(8:30pm)
Have to add more...
I'm still not comfortable, especially when going out to a bar or something. Standing is not an option, and there's only so many times you can pretend to poop... especially when it only takes a few seconds to pee out the cheap beer you're drinking. As well, "normal" guys don't pee quietly. I'm always worried about the way peeing sounds, so I end up pushing it out rather than letting it just happen. I know... sounds odd.. but... *shrugs* that's my life. (More urinary problems from that.) Another thing... most men sit on the toilet (most women squat over it)... and if you've ever seen a public men's room... that's just downright scary. Really, there's nothing like sitting there waiting for the coast to clear, hoping that you don't catch some weird disease from the seat in the meantime. Add to that the fact that most men don't wipe after they pee (and so I have to (again) fake that I'm in poopville) and it just plain sucks.
Ahhh... the joy of relieving oneself....
I stay home a lot.
My advice, try to work through it. Being a camel is ok for a while, but by the time you hit about 25, you'll pay for it. Holding it is really bad for you. Trust me, I have the bladder of a 90 year old at this point.
(8:30pm)
Have to add more...
I'm still not comfortable, especially when going out to a bar or something. Standing is not an option, and there's only so many times you can pretend to poop... especially when it only takes a few seconds to pee out the cheap beer you're drinking. As well, "normal" guys don't pee quietly. I'm always worried about the way peeing sounds, so I end up pushing it out rather than letting it just happen. I know... sounds odd.. but... *shrugs* that's my life. (More urinary problems from that.) Another thing... most men sit on the toilet (most women squat over it)... and if you've ever seen a public men's room... that's just downright scary. Really, there's nothing like sitting there waiting for the coast to clear, hoping that you don't catch some weird disease from the seat in the meantime. Add to that the fact that most men don't wipe after they pee (and so I have to (again) fake that I'm in poopville) and it just plain sucks.
Ahhh... the joy of relieving oneself....
I stay home a lot.
Sunday, April 21, 2002
Follows Ravens - bio
It's been a year or so since I last attempted a "bio", so I guess I should post another one.
Most important things to know about me (aka - labels that people like to know about and things that set me off):
Legally Disabled - PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) & DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)
Intersexed - That means that I have (physical) characteristics of both/all sexes. (Male - Legally. There's an "M" on my birth certificate and (non)drivers license. FtM - by some people's definitions.)
Bisexual/Pansexual - Parts and/or labels do not determine my sexual or romantic attraction to a person.
Unless you ask me first... DO NOT
1. take my picture, ESPECIALLY if you're using a flash.
2. touch me. PERIOD.
3. give out any information about me concerning the above labels. That can potentially endanger my life.
4. draw attention to my body... and stay the hell away from the bathroom if I'm in it.
5. involve me in ANYTHING that might involve law enforcement officials. If a cop approaches me to search me, I'll slit my wrists. Yes, literally.
6. EVER take me to a hospital and leave my side. I'd rather die.
Because of my abuse history, and because of who I am, certain things can be very harmful to me, even though the average person does not perceive them as such. I warn everyone I meet, if I think that I might become close friends with them. I guess that makes me "high maintenance". So be it. If you tend to forget things like that, I'd suggest forgetting me as a friend as well.
Stats:
Birthday - 9/19/69
Height - 5' 6"
Weight - 150 lbs
Race - Caucasian
Nationality - American
Identifying marks - 22 tattoos, a bazillion scars, white/blonde patch on left side of scalp
Eyes - Change - Green, Grey, Yellow
Hair - Usually shaved, mixture of brown, blonde, and red
Facial hair - ALWAYS present, usually a LONG goatee
Detailing my life would be impossible here. I'm working on the book.
Best traits - Funny, Intelligent, Helpful, Empathic, Caring, Multi-talented, Experienced in a wide variety of things, Long fused, Open minded, Passionate.
Worst traits - (other than completely sucking at keeping up with my e-mail! ) Elitist, Perfectionist, Intolerant, Anal-retentive, Oversensitive, ALWAYS poor, not the best listener, Societal thorn, Inconsistent, allergic to everything, Contradictory, Unaffectionate... and yes... HIGH maintenance.
Primary interests/studies - Music, Writing, Art (Drawing, mostly), Occult, Medicine, Psychology, Religion
Education - 1 year college, Music Major
ok, that's enough for now.
Most important things to know about me (aka - labels that people like to know about and things that set me off):
Legally Disabled - PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) & DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder)
Intersexed - That means that I have (physical) characteristics of both/all sexes. (Male - Legally. There's an "M" on my birth certificate and (non)drivers license. FtM - by some people's definitions.)
Bisexual/Pansexual - Parts and/or labels do not determine my sexual or romantic attraction to a person.
Unless you ask me first... DO NOT
1. take my picture, ESPECIALLY if you're using a flash.
2. touch me. PERIOD.
3. give out any information about me concerning the above labels. That can potentially endanger my life.
4. draw attention to my body... and stay the hell away from the bathroom if I'm in it.
5. involve me in ANYTHING that might involve law enforcement officials. If a cop approaches me to search me, I'll slit my wrists. Yes, literally.
6. EVER take me to a hospital and leave my side. I'd rather die.
Because of my abuse history, and because of who I am, certain things can be very harmful to me, even though the average person does not perceive them as such. I warn everyone I meet, if I think that I might become close friends with them. I guess that makes me "high maintenance". So be it. If you tend to forget things like that, I'd suggest forgetting me as a friend as well.
Stats:
Birthday - 9/19/69
Height - 5' 6"
Weight - 150 lbs
Race - Caucasian
Nationality - American
Identifying marks - 22 tattoos, a bazillion scars, white/blonde patch on left side of scalp
Eyes - Change - Green, Grey, Yellow
Hair - Usually shaved, mixture of brown, blonde, and red
Facial hair - ALWAYS present, usually a LONG goatee
Detailing my life would be impossible here. I'm working on the book.
Best traits - Funny, Intelligent, Helpful, Empathic, Caring, Multi-talented, Experienced in a wide variety of things, Long fused, Open minded, Passionate.
Worst traits - (other than completely sucking at keeping up with my e-mail! ) Elitist, Perfectionist, Intolerant, Anal-retentive, Oversensitive, ALWAYS poor, not the best listener, Societal thorn, Inconsistent, allergic to everything, Contradictory, Unaffectionate... and yes... HIGH maintenance.
Primary interests/studies - Music, Writing, Art (Drawing, mostly), Occult, Medicine, Psychology, Religion
Education - 1 year college, Music Major
ok, that's enough for now.
Wednesday, April 17, 2002
(FINALLY!!!!!)
It's an apartment about 5 minutes from here.
I'll still be depending on my friends for help, but I don't have much choice there. I can't drive, and well... every now and again groceries are important.
The place is pretty nice. It has a lot of space, probably the largest of any of the 1BDR apartments I've ever lived in (A LOT more than my 8'x8' room, and at least I'll have control over the A/C!!!! It hit 90 degreees here yesterday, and they refused to turn the air on! Today it's supposed to hit 93!!!!). I don't exactly have much to put in it, but that's ok. I'll run around the living room flapping my damn arms to make the room feel appreciated if I have to.
I'll be trying to get things together over the next 2 weeks or so... phone calls, paperwork, packing, etc.
I'm really psyched, but (I can't help it, I yam who I yam) still a little stressed, and convinced that Murphy will step in with his damn law any day now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed until I light up that first smoke and start unpacking... and even then I'll keep my toes crossed.
I'll still be depending on my friends for help, but I don't have much choice there. I can't drive, and well... every now and again groceries are important.
The place is pretty nice. It has a lot of space, probably the largest of any of the 1BDR apartments I've ever lived in (A LOT more than my 8'x8' room, and at least I'll have control over the A/C!!!! It hit 90 degreees here yesterday, and they refused to turn the air on! Today it's supposed to hit 93!!!!). I don't exactly have much to put in it, but that's ok. I'll run around the living room flapping my damn arms to make the room feel appreciated if I have to.
I'll be trying to get things together over the next 2 weeks or so... phone calls, paperwork, packing, etc.
I'm really psyched, but (I can't help it, I yam who I yam) still a little stressed, and convinced that Murphy will step in with his damn law any day now. I'm keeping my fingers crossed until I light up that first smoke and start unpacking... and even then I'll keep my toes crossed.
Tuesday, April 16, 2002
Wednesday, April 10, 2002
Bad feeling
I know that I shouldn't watch the damn news... but I did last night.
So much is going on... it looks like a World War type scenario.
Is it just me seeing the glass as half empty? I don't know. I just don't have a very good feeling about any of it. I don't even know who has nukes and who doesn't any more...
a lot of "I don't know"s
damn overpopulation.
So much is going on... it looks like a World War type scenario.
Is it just me seeing the glass as half empty? I don't know. I just don't have a very good feeling about any of it. I don't even know who has nukes and who doesn't any more...
a lot of "I don't know"s
damn overpopulation.
Friday, April 5, 2002
Help wanted
I really can't get too far into this (hence my placing the topic in a "No Reply" section) but...
I have a suicidal (past all the attention getting crap) friend who needs help, and I'm not sure in which direction to point him in. If anyone knows of any online sites, please drop me an e-mail. It'd be much appreciated.
I have a suicidal (past all the attention getting crap) friend who needs help, and I'm not sure in which direction to point him in. If anyone knows of any online sites, please drop me an e-mail. It'd be much appreciated.
Thursday, April 4, 2002
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