To clarify

I call you a man.
I do this NOT because I know the universal definition of "man" or "male", NOT because I've seen your picture, and NOT because you conform to my own personal definition of such. I call you a man because that is how you choose to identify yourself.

The same thing can be applied to Weres and Vamps. No matter what my own personal definition is, it's still not for me to tell other people what they should consider themselves to be... and the more I talk to people whose definitions of these terms vary from my own, the more I end up adapting my own definitions.

I'm in no way perfect with this. I'm as affected by my upbringing as anyone else... I'm just trying to grow even further than those who "taught" me. I often fall prey to the labeling game... if not out loud, then in my own head. I just see this as conditioning though... and I logically know my instincts or reactions to be... well... wrong. Every time I judge someone, I kick myself... but I still do it in the first place.

In my experience, when you attempt to go through life reliant on universal definitions, you always end up hurting someone... often you hurt yourself.

Someone once told me to try to go through life saying "I" more and "you" less. Define yourself... let others define themselves. This made a lot of sense to me.

You wrote,"You were born a man/woman and now through hormones and surgery were the opposite. "

That's seeing sex as polarized. Most of what I'm getting at is that sex/gender is nearly impossible to scientifically polarize. Not ALL men can claim to share one common trait, nor can ALL women. In fact, on a rather concrete and scientific level, it's impossible to state the definition of man or woman... male or female.

What if it's that a person was born a woman, but had parts, like a penis and testicles, that felt wrong to her so she had corrective surgery? What if the person was born and felt that her parts, even her penis and testicles, were fine, but that she was a woman, no matter what everyone else told her to believe? Whose right is it to tell her that she's not? Maybe it's just up to us to adapt our definitions of what a "woman" is.

If you came to me tomorrow and told me you were a woman, and preferred to be addressed as such, I'd consider you and call you a woman. I don't care what you look like or what you do or don't have between your legs. There's nothing about you that would have to change. You're a woman because you say so.

The way I see it, there's no one thing that makes the man, or the woman... except for the individual preference of label. I call myself "Intersexed" because I feel the label... how I understand the meaning of it, fits. I prefer male pronouns because I feel they fit me better than female ones and feel less dehumanizing than "it" or some of the newer developed ones like "heesh". It's just a preference... one based on the definitions I've learned (right or wrong) and the stereotypes that are out there. It's not because I have a beard or anything thing else on a physical level, and it's not because the law recognizes me as such. It's just my choice... and people who respect me, will respect that choice... even if they can't apply the same definitions to themselves or to others around them.

My definitions are my definitions. They change as I learn. I change as I learn.

Am I a man?

Depends on the day you ask me.

Are you?

That's up to you... and if you change your mind... so will I.

Choices

((If you had to choose) Would you choose to die before your beloved companion, or would you choose for them to die before you do?)

It's tough to choose giving up that comfort on the death bed... but I'd choose to go last. I'd rather she (or he) not have to suffer the pain of loss.


I've often said that the price you pay for getting everything you've ever wanted in life is the fear of losing it all.

It wasn't an easy decision for me by any means. Actually, one of the thoughts that ran through my head was "what if they find someone else after I'm gone and then they never join me if there's an afterlife?" How's that for selfish?

I just weighed the options, and actually, the deciding factors were the thoughts that came to mind while attempting to apply it to my life now. I have no partner, but I do have a best friend that I love very much. Very often it is her being on the planet that stops me from offing myself. I just couldn't hurt her like that. I just applied it to what I might feel with a lover. I don't think that I could bear causing them to suffer, or knowing that they might be. I'd rather be the one to bear the loss, at least that's a pain I know that I can deal with.

(Art forms which I'm into?)

With visual/still arts (drawing and the like), I'm a pen, pencil, and ink junkie. I've done some paintings, but I prefer more intricate stuff. I have a project that is on a 30x42 Xerox type of paper... most of it was done using a magnifying glass.

With art as a whole, the only thing which never caught my heart was dance. Dance just always felt sexual to me, and unless I've had WAY too much to drink, or I'm head over heels in lust, I just DON'T dance. I'll sooner have sex.