Thursday, August 28, 2003
We're HEEEEEEERE
I'll spare you the gnarly details about the train ride down, but I will tell you that I have a new found hatred for Amtrak.
Wednesday, August 27, 2003
(on skin eruptions)
ok, now that I've poked and prodded every alien that has taken up residence on my body...
Here's my theory...
CB's alien had friends.
CB is going to Dragon Con, therefor CB's aliens are going to Dragon Con.
Yankee alien friends of CB's Rebel alien found out that I was going to Dragon Con.
Now they're living in me.
I can only hope that all the aliens decide to relocate to Chewbacca.
Here's my theory...
CB's alien had friends.
CB is going to Dragon Con, therefor CB's aliens are going to Dragon Con.
Yankee alien friends of CB's Rebel alien found out that I was going to Dragon Con.
Now they're living in me.
I can only hope that all the aliens decide to relocate to Chewbacca.
Tuesday, August 26, 2003
(again...)
ok, just for the record... and just in case you were being serious...
My problem with cameras is when I'm not asked first (yes, before every picture, not just once).
If you want to bring your camera, please do!
*I really need to find that emoticon that's an exploding head. too much to do...*
8:04pm - heh heh
My problem with cameras is when I'm not asked first (yes, before every picture, not just once).
If you want to bring your camera, please do!
*I really need to find that emoticon that's an exploding head. too much to do...*
8:04pm - heh heh
and so the story went
I took a trip to see A2 in the Winter of 2001. Other than that, I haven't been anywhere since Dragon Con 2001. I've been a hermit... leaving the house every two weeks or so for groceries, going to the shrink, and making the occasional trip to the bar next door to pick up a 12 pack.
It's been a long stretch. From the insanity of the Con onward, it only got worse, even with seeing the new shrink in October of 2002. In fact, along with doing that, things got beyond bad. I even had to give up managing my board.
By the end of 2002, I had to disappear. I abandoned my user name and took refuge in a board I quickly threw together named, appropriately, "Scars and Scabs".
That was online.
Offline, things were the worst they've ever been in my life. It peaked with 2 consecutive suicide attempts/ODs by New Year's Eve.
Yay for me.
After a very difficult detox from the Xanax I was on, things did start to even out a bit. I tried to focus some on the new board, looked for new members, posted and tried to make things work there. I even got involved with someone at the end of February...
...things ended rather dramatically with that, but they ended... and when they did, I realized that for the first time in a long time, I actually felt good. I was making some headway with my new shrink, dealing with some pretty difficult and painful stuff... but I was dealing.
A trip to see my doctor for some yearly blood work lit a serious fire under my ass in so far as my health was concerned. My cholesterol was in the 250 range, my blood pressure was through the roof, and I'd put on such the beer gut that I didn't have any pants that fit anymore. That was the 19th of June.
Now?
I've cut the beer intake by more than two thirds. I've exercised intensely every other day, and more recently, every day. I've swallowed my pride and returned to my board. I'm using my legal name online. I'm making my therapy appointments and pushing through some of the most difficult head stuff I've ever had to deal with.
So, here I am... about to head off for Dragon Con again.
Today, I'm not doing too well. I'm very nervous about the trip and about being gone for that long, and all I want to do is have a beer and hide. I'm full of self doubt... wondering if this, the last few months or so, is just one of the usual "I'm better! Really!" phases I go through when my head decides to play tricks on me. DID is sneaky like that.
I'm going to watch StarTrek, and I'm going to have a beer.
I've worked very hard.
I'm going on vacation.
It's been a long stretch. From the insanity of the Con onward, it only got worse, even with seeing the new shrink in October of 2002. In fact, along with doing that, things got beyond bad. I even had to give up managing my board.
By the end of 2002, I had to disappear. I abandoned my user name and took refuge in a board I quickly threw together named, appropriately, "Scars and Scabs".
That was online.
Offline, things were the worst they've ever been in my life. It peaked with 2 consecutive suicide attempts/ODs by New Year's Eve.
Yay for me.
After a very difficult detox from the Xanax I was on, things did start to even out a bit. I tried to focus some on the new board, looked for new members, posted and tried to make things work there. I even got involved with someone at the end of February...
...things ended rather dramatically with that, but they ended... and when they did, I realized that for the first time in a long time, I actually felt good. I was making some headway with my new shrink, dealing with some pretty difficult and painful stuff... but I was dealing.
A trip to see my doctor for some yearly blood work lit a serious fire under my ass in so far as my health was concerned. My cholesterol was in the 250 range, my blood pressure was through the roof, and I'd put on such the beer gut that I didn't have any pants that fit anymore. That was the 19th of June.
Now?
I've cut the beer intake by more than two thirds. I've exercised intensely every other day, and more recently, every day. I've swallowed my pride and returned to my board. I'm using my legal name online. I'm making my therapy appointments and pushing through some of the most difficult head stuff I've ever had to deal with.
So, here I am... about to head off for Dragon Con again.
Today, I'm not doing too well. I'm very nervous about the trip and about being gone for that long, and all I want to do is have a beer and hide. I'm full of self doubt... wondering if this, the last few months or so, is just one of the usual "I'm better! Really!" phases I go through when my head decides to play tricks on me. DID is sneaky like that.
I'm going to watch StarTrek, and I'm going to have a beer.
I've worked very hard.
I'm going on vacation.
(The actual con part?)
I'm thinking that I'll look over the program when I get it and decide then... but as for where my interests are, they're more scientific than anything else (bigger on the SCI than the FI). Forensics? that sounds tasty.
I'm sure I'll prefer the less crowded events... if there is such a thing... and you know me and cameras. If there are cameras around, I'm likely to make a run for the room.
I'm sure I'll prefer the less crowded events... if there is such a thing... and you know me and cameras. If there are cameras around, I'm likely to make a run for the room.
Monday, August 25, 2003
Set up... (II & III)
- you can ignore the 60 x 60 (avatar) rule on this board. Try keeping it under 120 pixels in width and under 30 kb in file size though. It just helps with the speed and appearance of the board.
As for what you can or cannot post or say, just use your judgement. If you're really not sure, feel free to ask. Generally, I don't delete posts. The exceptions would be porn, material that is extremely hateful (racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.) or posts that bash someone here. (We've had a couple of those in the past. *shudders*) People are entitled to their opinions. It's just about the way they express them. "Respect" would be the key word, I guess.
As a general rule, threads (topics) you start are yours. Threads another person starts are theirs. Try to stay on topic and follow the person's lead who started the thread, so as not to take away from what another person wants to discuss - but feel free to run your own threads as you see fit.
(8/26/03 - 9:14am)
You can talk about sex. We actually used to have a "Sex, Gender, and Sexuality" section (we used to have a lot of sections). As long as it's not pornographic, it's ok. Per (our host's) rules, keeping it semi-clean is necessary.
Flirting is ok, unless someone asks you not to. (the respect thing again) We all have our own preferences with that, I suppose. For me personally, sometimes it's ok, sometimes it makes me break out in hives. As a general rule, if you're married (not you personally, you in general), don't relate to me in any way your SO would have a problem with. (I have quite a few horror stories.)
I like to see this board as an online place that is as close to being real as possible. Just be yourself.
As for what you can or cannot post or say, just use your judgement. If you're really not sure, feel free to ask. Generally, I don't delete posts. The exceptions would be porn, material that is extremely hateful (racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, etc.) or posts that bash someone here. (We've had a couple of those in the past. *shudders*) People are entitled to their opinions. It's just about the way they express them. "Respect" would be the key word, I guess.
As a general rule, threads (topics) you start are yours. Threads another person starts are theirs. Try to stay on topic and follow the person's lead who started the thread, so as not to take away from what another person wants to discuss - but feel free to run your own threads as you see fit.
(8/26/03 - 9:14am)
You can talk about sex. We actually used to have a "Sex, Gender, and Sexuality" section (we used to have a lot of sections). As long as it's not pornographic, it's ok. Per (our host's) rules, keeping it semi-clean is necessary.
Flirting is ok, unless someone asks you not to. (the respect thing again) We all have our own preferences with that, I suppose. For me personally, sometimes it's ok, sometimes it makes me break out in hives. As a general rule, if you're married (not you personally, you in general), don't relate to me in any way your SO would have a problem with. (I have quite a few horror stories.)
I like to see this board as an online place that is as close to being real as possible. Just be yourself.
piss
That's what is coming out of my kitchen sink, bathroom sink, and filling the toilet.
Although I don't care that there's piss filling my toilet, I have NO desire to wash in it or drink it!
I really have NO clue what it is, but my water is a yucky shade of yellow/brown.
This REALLY throws off my schedule today. It's been since noon.
If I wasn't in such a good mood, I'd be a mess right now.
(4:21pm)
great. Now I just spilled juice on myself.
(4:57pm)
I'm starting to get pissy. The water is still yellow, and the packing is just not going well. I haven't worked out because there's no water to get a shower afterwards.
I want a beer
Although I don't care that there's piss filling my toilet, I have NO desire to wash in it or drink it!
I really have NO clue what it is, but my water is a yucky shade of yellow/brown.
This REALLY throws off my schedule today. It's been since noon.
If I wasn't in such a good mood, I'd be a mess right now.
(4:21pm)
great. Now I just spilled juice on myself.
(4:57pm)
I'm starting to get pissy. The water is still yellow, and the packing is just not going well. I haven't worked out because there's no water to get a shower afterwards.
I want a beer
(alcohol - 1)
how much does it take to get you drunk?
sorry. I'm an alcoholic, so the question is sort of funny.
Actually I'm reducing my alcohol intake by leaps and bounds. I'm down to about 4 light beers a day. (Not too bad, when only two months ago I was at 9 or so regulars.)
I've always had a very high tolerence to alcohol. When I was in my teens I regularly killed about about a fifth of one liquor or another in one sitting (the Speed probably helped with that). By 30 I'd burned my stomach out. fun fun fun.
It probably wouldn't take all that much to get me drunk right now, because of the last couple of months... but even while I was drinking heavily... if you really want to get piss drunk, there's one sure-fire recipe:
Drink about half a bottle of beer, then fill the space up with red wine. Drink swiftly... and voila!
Things that aid in the quest for drunkeness:
Speed (not as in the drug, as in drink fast)
Mixing (as opposed to your laundry, mix your lights with your darks)
Empty Stomach (don't eat or drink for about 12 hours, that usually does it)
I don't recommend becoming an alcoholic though. It's expensive, and it really does a number on your stomach.
..oh, and the beer gut... that's the WORST.
I'm about 5 ft 6 in., and had a 38 inch waist. Tipped the scales at 165 lbs (in my underoos!).
That's really what got me started on cutting down on the beer. The doc said "You're getting fat".
I started working out that day.
I'm at 155 and 35 inches now. I gots a ways to go.
sorry. I'm an alcoholic, so the question is sort of funny.
Actually I'm reducing my alcohol intake by leaps and bounds. I'm down to about 4 light beers a day. (Not too bad, when only two months ago I was at 9 or so regulars.)
I've always had a very high tolerence to alcohol. When I was in my teens I regularly killed about about a fifth of one liquor or another in one sitting (the Speed probably helped with that). By 30 I'd burned my stomach out. fun fun fun.
It probably wouldn't take all that much to get me drunk right now, because of the last couple of months... but even while I was drinking heavily... if you really want to get piss drunk, there's one sure-fire recipe:
Drink about half a bottle of beer, then fill the space up with red wine. Drink swiftly... and voila!
Things that aid in the quest for drunkeness:
Speed (not as in the drug, as in drink fast)
Mixing (as opposed to your laundry, mix your lights with your darks)
Empty Stomach (don't eat or drink for about 12 hours, that usually does it)
I don't recommend becoming an alcoholic though. It's expensive, and it really does a number on your stomach.
..oh, and the beer gut... that's the WORST.
I'm about 5 ft 6 in., and had a 38 inch waist. Tipped the scales at 165 lbs (in my underoos!).
That's really what got me started on cutting down on the beer. The doc said "You're getting fat".
I started working out that day.
I'm at 155 and 35 inches now. I gots a ways to go.
...and you are?
What are the top 3 things that you think people should know about you up front?
1) My own mother couldn't respect me, and I kicked her out of my life. What makes you think I'd demand any less of you? (loosely based on a quote from Torch Song Trilogy, but completely applicable.)
2) I am my own. Don't touch me, invade my personal space, take my picture, speak for me, or discuss my business unless I give you permission to. (Yes, every time.)
3) I hold a grudge.
1) My own mother couldn't respect me, and I kicked her out of my life. What makes you think I'd demand any less of you? (loosely based on a quote from Torch Song Trilogy, but completely applicable.)
2) I am my own. Don't touch me, invade my personal space, take my picture, speak for me, or discuss my business unless I give you permission to. (Yes, every time.)
3) I hold a grudge.
(dissociative anesthesia?)
The whole concept is pretty scary to me. A drug that makes you dissociate?
I just want to know who bottled my blood when I wasn't looking!
must've been one of those times when I was under anesthesia.
Can't imagine it would be at all good for anyone with a dissociative disorder.
I just want to know who bottled my blood when I wasn't looking!
must've been one of those times when I was under anesthesia.
Can't imagine it would be at all good for anyone with a dissociative disorder.
Saturday, August 23, 2003
(Weak Bawls)
I'm actually trying to reduce my caffeine intake. (more bawls for you!)
They used to have "Jolt"... do they still make that?
There's always snorting chopped up No-Doz... but that burns like hell.
They used to have "Jolt"... do they still make that?
There's always snorting chopped up No-Doz... but that burns like hell.
Thursday, August 21, 2003
Tuesday, August 19, 2003
on my mind today (more Murphy-type Laws)
If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
This one is just too true:
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in.
This one is just too true:
If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person.
Monday, August 18, 2003
(Top 10 (favorite) games of all time?)
Pinball
Monopoly
Trivial Pursuit
Truth or Dare
Rummy 500
Tetris
Populous
Doom II
Free Cell
(Computer) Mah Jong
(...and FOOTBALL!)
Monopoly
Trivial Pursuit
Truth or Dare
Rummy 500
Tetris
Populous
Doom II
Free Cell
(Computer) Mah Jong
(...and FOOTBALL!)
Recipes (3)
This one has many names... "REALLY poor man's casserole", "Dorm Room casserole", "Casserole for the oven impaired".. but my favorite (thanks to a friend of mine who REALLY hated tuna) is...
Cat Food Casserole
Ingredients
1 (7.25 oz.) box of (KRAFT tastes best!) Mac and Cheese
1/4 cup milk, 1/4 cup butter
1 (6 oz.) can of Chunk Light Tuna in Water (drained)
1 (7 oz.) can of mushrooms (drained)
1 (8.5 oz.) can of corn (drained)
Directions
Make the Mac & Cheese according to directions on box
While still hot, add everything else and stir
salt to taste
serves: 2 hungry frat boys
(You really should try it. It's pretty amazing, but it does taste INCREDIBLE!)
Cat Food Casserole
Ingredients
1 (7.25 oz.) box of (KRAFT tastes best!) Mac and Cheese
1/4 cup milk, 1/4 cup butter
1 (6 oz.) can of Chunk Light Tuna in Water (drained)
1 (7 oz.) can of mushrooms (drained)
1 (8.5 oz.) can of corn (drained)
Directions
Make the Mac & Cheese according to directions on box
While still hot, add everything else and stir
salt to taste
serves: 2 hungry frat boys
(You really should try it. It's pretty amazing, but it does taste INCREDIBLE!)
Saturday, August 16, 2003
(An "internal narritive to text" gadget?)
Seeing all of what goes on in my head in text would be scary.
I tried to do it on tape once. I had a 4 track and I kept adding layers to attempt to capture it. It was pretty interesting. I have no clue how it'd look in text, but... well... probably a lot like this board. Avatars, emoticons, private sections and archives included.
Maybe a little more sexual and violent though. My brain is no where near PG-13.
I tried to do it on tape once. I had a 4 track and I kept adding layers to attempt to capture it. It was pretty interesting. I have no clue how it'd look in text, but... well... probably a lot like this board. Avatars, emoticons, private sections and archives included.
Maybe a little more sexual and violent though. My brain is no where near PG-13.
Just so you know
This is another user name of mine. I use it still on another board, but I don't know how much longer I'm going to continue that.
(Tribe18)
(Tribe18)
Celebrating Insecurity (not!) 3
growing up and living with the knowledge that i'm a freak for 40+ years has taken its toll. but i try not to obssess about it. sometimes i'm successful. sometimes i'm not.
I've done 30+ years... and it's definitely taken its toll on me as well. I'm usually not successful at not obsessing.
these fine people could care less about your personal internal narritive...
I suppose I could care less, but I don't. I care a lot. I like hearing your brain.
I've done 30+ years... and it's definitely taken its toll on me as well. I'm usually not successful at not obsessing.
these fine people could care less about your personal internal narritive...
I suppose I could care less, but I don't. I care a lot. I like hearing your brain.
Friday, August 15, 2003
Celebrating Insecurity (not!) 2
Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to be here!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, that's very true... but when no one is here... when things are really slow... well... I often take that pretty personally.
think I need to go to bed
me seepy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
anyone who doesn't like it doesn't have to be here!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yes, that's very true... but when no one is here... when things are really slow... well... I often take that pretty personally.
think I need to go to bed
me seepy.
Yeah, but I can do 20 push ups. (1)
Well, I've been working out pretty hard for a couple of months. I lost 2 inches off of my beer gut (waist) and am firming up pretty well. I'm pretty pleased... so far.
It's not been easy (that's putting it WAY lightly) but I've been REALLY pushing myself.
Maybe I'll go into details more another time... but I just wanted to share the links I've come across while surfing. Who knows, someone might find them interesting.
Bodybuilding Calculators
Calculate Your Body Fat, The U.S. Navy Circumference Method
How many calories you expend doing your favorite exercise or activity
Calories in Food and Calorie Counting to Lose Weight
Alcoholic Drinks - Calories Burned During Exercise
Calories burned during exercises and activities, based on your body weight
How Many Calories Are Burned During Exercise?
Calorie Calculators
Real Muscle Real Fast - by Jesse Cannone
It's not been easy (that's putting it WAY lightly) but I've been REALLY pushing myself.
Maybe I'll go into details more another time... but I just wanted to share the links I've come across while surfing. Who knows, someone might find them interesting.
Bodybuilding Calculators
Calculate Your Body Fat, The U.S. Navy Circumference Method
How many calories you expend doing your favorite exercise or activity
Calories in Food and Calorie Counting to Lose Weight
Alcoholic Drinks - Calories Burned During Exercise
Calories burned during exercises and activities, based on your body weight
How Many Calories Are Burned During Exercise?
Calorie Calculators
Real Muscle Real Fast - by Jesse Cannone
(Kitten Tragedy!)
CB, I don't see many differences between cats and humans. Torture is torture. Life is life.
At least things like that are making the papers now. Years ago, a mutilated cat wouldn't have been looked at by the media (aka, the supposed majority) as newsworthy. Gives me a little hope... maybe we're growing up.
At least things like that are making the papers now. Years ago, a mutilated cat wouldn't have been looked at by the media (aka, the supposed majority) as newsworthy. Gives me a little hope... maybe we're growing up.
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Celebrating Insecurity (not!) 1
I'm always worried that I post too much. It's not so much that I get tired of seeing my own name but that I feel like people will go away if they see my name too much... because they'll think that I'm more wrapped up in what I have to say than what they have to say.
I know that it's not true, and even if it is what people think, I know that it's not what I'm about. Despite this knowledge though, I continue to feel insecure. I save posts... don't post things until the board slows or until someone else posts a topic so that I don't see my name 100 times in a line.
Along with a lot of other things that I really want to work on, this insecurity is one of them.
I have to keep nudging myself... keep saying to myself, "Who cares? They'll get over it!", in an attempt to get past all the fear.
I can joke about being "The Bad Guy", but I don't like being seen in that light. I don't like not being liked or thought of in a negative way. Probably the reason I joke about it so much is because I want people to know that I don't want to be seen that way. Pretend that it doesn't bother me so that people don't do it in order to hurt me. Get used to hearing it so that I can easier let it roll off my back.
CB mentioned something about "running at the dog" in another thread. The suggestion is completely stupid. Dogs will gladly fight you... and often, you'll lose. The metaphor is dead on though. What he was attempting to say about facing fear is an important thing to know.
That which frightens you can only continue to frighten you if you refuse to face it and deal with it. No, you can't yell a tornado into submission, but you can find shelter and wait it out. If you lose your gourd over the thing, you'll lose.
That which you fear the most is your weak spot. Face the fear, let it pass, and you end up stronger.
The world won't end if people don't like me. It never has in the past (much as I thought it would).
I like you very, very, VERY much. Now, please go home. I need my space right now.
Some day I'll be able to say things like that without the aid of meds to stop the shaking.
...and some day I'll stop giving a shit about posting too much.
I know that it's not true, and even if it is what people think, I know that it's not what I'm about. Despite this knowledge though, I continue to feel insecure. I save posts... don't post things until the board slows or until someone else posts a topic so that I don't see my name 100 times in a line.
Along with a lot of other things that I really want to work on, this insecurity is one of them.
I have to keep nudging myself... keep saying to myself, "Who cares? They'll get over it!", in an attempt to get past all the fear.
I can joke about being "The Bad Guy", but I don't like being seen in that light. I don't like not being liked or thought of in a negative way. Probably the reason I joke about it so much is because I want people to know that I don't want to be seen that way. Pretend that it doesn't bother me so that people don't do it in order to hurt me. Get used to hearing it so that I can easier let it roll off my back.
CB mentioned something about "running at the dog" in another thread. The suggestion is completely stupid. Dogs will gladly fight you... and often, you'll lose. The metaphor is dead on though. What he was attempting to say about facing fear is an important thing to know.
That which frightens you can only continue to frighten you if you refuse to face it and deal with it. No, you can't yell a tornado into submission, but you can find shelter and wait it out. If you lose your gourd over the thing, you'll lose.
That which you fear the most is your weak spot. Face the fear, let it pass, and you end up stronger.
The world won't end if people don't like me. It never has in the past (much as I thought it would).
I like you very, very, VERY much. Now, please go home. I need my space right now.
Some day I'll be able to say things like that without the aid of meds to stop the shaking.
...and some day I'll stop giving a shit about posting too much.
(Something to chew on)
Here's one:
Your worst fault is really a strength of character, only the volume is turned up too high, or the timing is off.
Your worst fault is really a strength of character, only the volume is turned up too high, or the timing is off.
Recipes (2)
Oven Cooked BBQ Pork Ribs
Estimated Times
Preparation time: 10 mins
Cooking time: 1 hr+
Marinating time: 5 hrs
Ingredients
1 cup ketchup
1/2 cup chopped peeled onion
1/3 cup dark molasses
1/3 cup honey
5 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tablespoons Dijon-style mustard
1/2 tbsp pepper
3 pounds country style pork ribs
Directions
In a bowl combine ketchup, onion, molasses, honey, garlic, mustard and pepper; mix well. Pour marinade over ribs. Marinate about 5 hours.
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Transfer ribs to a shallow baking pan. Cover ribs and bake for 30 minutes. Remove cover and baste with marinade; reduce temperature to 325°F and cook an additional 30 minutes. Turn ribs and baste with marinade. Broil for about 20 minutes more, turning and basting frequently (until done to taste). Serve hot.
Estimated Times
Preparation time: 10 mins
Cooking time: 1 hr+
Marinating time: 5 hrs
Ingredients
1 cup ketchup
1/2 cup chopped peeled onion
1/3 cup dark molasses
1/3 cup honey
5 cloves garlic, crushed
2 tablespoons Dijon-style mustard
1/2 tbsp pepper
3 pounds country style pork ribs
Directions
In a bowl combine ketchup, onion, molasses, honey, garlic, mustard and pepper; mix well. Pour marinade over ribs. Marinate about 5 hours.
Preheat oven to 350°F.
Transfer ribs to a shallow baking pan. Cover ribs and bake for 30 minutes. Remove cover and baste with marinade; reduce temperature to 325°F and cook an additional 30 minutes. Turn ribs and baste with marinade. Broil for about 20 minutes more, turning and basting frequently (until done to taste). Serve hot.
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
Set up... (I)
It's not that it's "broke". It hasn't been set up yet. I just opened one section until things settled. I didn't know who would be posting or how much.
I don't think that just one section works very well with a board that is at all busy. People's posts get lost or pushed onto page 2. Important threads get lost amongst chatty threads. There are a lot of reasons why having only one section doesn't work very well.
Too though, having too many sections doesn't work all that well either.
The same can be said for change. Too much change is too much, none at all and things get stale.
I don't think that just one section works very well with a board that is at all busy. People's posts get lost or pushed onto page 2. Important threads get lost amongst chatty threads. There are a lot of reasons why having only one section doesn't work very well.
Too though, having too many sections doesn't work all that well either.
The same can be said for change. Too much change is too much, none at all and things get stale.
Monday, August 11, 2003
(081103 - from "Hello" thread)
I'm going to try working out after StarTrek (4:00), then shower, then watch the Hulk. woohoo. fun day.
Sunday, August 10, 2003
(Call me on the line...) 1
Do you mind people using your real name online?
ok... Jon, Jonathan, FR, Follows, or Cutter.
I'll answer to any of them, online or off.
(I'll not go into the whole "issues" part right now. Maybe another day though. LOTS of crappola there.)
ok... Jon, Jonathan, FR, Follows, or Cutter.
I'll answer to any of them, online or off.
(I'll not go into the whole "issues" part right now. Maybe another day though. LOTS of crappola there.)
time past (I)
Maybe it's all a part of feeling sorry for myself, but the other day I thought of being young... and I felt like crying.
I'll probably come back to this.
I'll probably come back to this.
(My Politics)
I actually registered for the first time since 1992. Not that I'll be able to vote for anyone I'd want in office, but at least I'll be able to vote against Bush. I'll vote Democrat, simply because it might be the only way to get him out of there. There isn't one part of me that likes him. He's not even a respectable cowboy.
Friday, August 8, 2003
(my eclectic taste in music)
...have any songs that just fit your life right now?
...we have much in common with our taste in music. I don't as much attribute that to DID as I do to growing up around music and finding a bit of solace there. The result is quite a list of "trigger" songs... but hey, that's what music is supposed to do.
Barry isn't really happy music for me... it's more... music to make you cry and mourn the one that got away... know what I mean? A good shot of "Even Now" will get me staring at the ol' pill bottle. (we really need a suicidal smiley)
At last count, I had about 150 CDs and almost 400 cassettes. (The albums are gone.) From ABBA to ZZ Top... from Bach to Yello... from Chaka Khan to X.
So... hmmm.... song for the moment... Comfortably Numb by Floyd. Somethin's funky in the attic.
...we have much in common with our taste in music. I don't as much attribute that to DID as I do to growing up around music and finding a bit of solace there. The result is quite a list of "trigger" songs... but hey, that's what music is supposed to do.
Barry isn't really happy music for me... it's more... music to make you cry and mourn the one that got away... know what I mean? A good shot of "Even Now" will get me staring at the ol' pill bottle. (we really need a suicidal smiley)
At last count, I had about 150 CDs and almost 400 cassettes. (The albums are gone.) From ABBA to ZZ Top... from Bach to Yello... from Chaka Khan to X.
So... hmmm.... song for the moment... Comfortably Numb by Floyd. Somethin's funky in the attic.
Privacy and Invites
I didn't send out a lot of e-mails. I'm not going to.
That said, if there's anyone any of you want to invite or ask back, go for it. My issues with people are my issues with people, and if someone shows up that I have issues with, I'll deal with it then.
The only exception to this is (dad-unit 1). Because I banned his name (his is the only name banned at this point), he can't post here anyway, but I'd sooner not put anyone in the middle of a very messy and painful situation.
Cheers y'all!
That said, if there's anyone any of you want to invite or ask back, go for it. My issues with people are my issues with people, and if someone shows up that I have issues with, I'll deal with it then.
The only exception to this is (dad-unit 1). Because I banned his name (his is the only name banned at this point), he can't post here anyway, but I'd sooner not put anyone in the middle of a very messy and painful situation.
Cheers y'all!
Thursday, August 7, 2003
(080703 - from "Hello" thread)
I'm smiling at the moment. People are here... and they're posting.
It feels REALLY wonderful.
It feels REALLY wonderful.
Pretending I understand
I've spent my entire life attempting to justify myself... explain myself... defend myself. It comes along with the desire not to upset people. I'm trying really hard to stop doing it.
I've learned that no matter what you do, there's going to be someone out there who feels hurt by it. Rather than over-explaining though, it makes a lot more sense to me to just wait for the question. If someone really wants to understand what I do or say, they'll ask. Some people really don't care, and so offering up explanations, translations, or justifications only makes me look defensive.
I do what I do. I am who I am. I have my reasons. If I intend to hurt someone (rare, but it's happened), they know it. I'm pretty up front like that.
I've learned that no matter what you do, there's going to be someone out there who feels hurt by it. Rather than over-explaining though, it makes a lot more sense to me to just wait for the question. If someone really wants to understand what I do or say, they'll ask. Some people really don't care, and so offering up explanations, translations, or justifications only makes me look defensive.
I do what I do. I am who I am. I have my reasons. If I intend to hurt someone (rare, but it's happened), they know it. I'm pretty up front like that.
(Saying Hello - II)
Ho Ho HO, Jolly Green!
I did change your title, because it still said "banned username", but I just changed it to "Member". If you change your mind about wanting one, just let me know.
I'm VERY glad you're here.
N., it feels probably just as weird to me being addressed as (my legal name) online. That is a good thing though, I think. Lets me know that I made the right decision.
I just started thinking about it, and realized that a REALLY bad thing for someone with MPD/DID to do is to further encourage splitting by creating names. The fact that it feels weird to be addressed by my name says something to back up that opinion. It's just something I decided to try out in order to attempt to get to that elusive "finish line" in the recovery process.
That said though, it's quite ok if you refer to me as "FR". I'll know who you're talking to... and anyway, I'll never stop following Ravens. They've gotten me this far.
I did change your title, because it still said "banned username", but I just changed it to "Member". If you change your mind about wanting one, just let me know.
I'm VERY glad you're here.
N., it feels probably just as weird to me being addressed as (my legal name) online. That is a good thing though, I think. Lets me know that I made the right decision.
I just started thinking about it, and realized that a REALLY bad thing for someone with MPD/DID to do is to further encourage splitting by creating names. The fact that it feels weird to be addressed by my name says something to back up that opinion. It's just something I decided to try out in order to attempt to get to that elusive "finish line" in the recovery process.
That said though, it's quite ok if you refer to me as "FR". I'll know who you're talking to... and anyway, I'll never stop following Ravens. They've gotten me this far.
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
(Saying Hello - I)
I just have to chuckle a bit, as my title used to be "Dragon".
Well, with me, there needs to be someone around to keep the flames from lighting everything around me on fire when I open my mouth.
Glad we have a Dragon Tamer around!
Well, with me, there needs to be someone around to keep the flames from lighting everything around me on fire when I open my mouth.
Glad we have a Dragon Tamer around!
Monday, August 4, 2003
(Murphy-type Laws?)
I think this one pretty well applies to me:
"There are demerit points for originality when one is caught."
"There are demerit points for originality when one is caught."
(Obsessions?)
I'm always obsessing. I don't know that I actually do any regular thinking... it's obsessing or nothing!
I'll try (to list them) though...
1. My body. (I gained a 25 lb. beer gut over the last few years. I'm going completely batty attempting to lose it.)
2. Dragon Con.
3. Money. (Who isn't?)
4. My brain. (Is it getting better, or is it just another stage?)
5. The board. (If I'm not posting, I'm thinking of posts.)
6. Issues - Mental Illness, Sex, gender, and sexuality, Freedom from religion, and The right to die.
I guess that's some sort of list.
I'll try (to list them) though...
1. My body. (I gained a 25 lb. beer gut over the last few years. I'm going completely batty attempting to lose it.)
2. Dragon Con.
3. Money. (Who isn't?)
4. My brain. (Is it getting better, or is it just another stage?)
5. The board. (If I'm not posting, I'm thinking of posts.)
6. Issues - Mental Illness, Sex, gender, and sexuality, Freedom from religion, and The right to die.
I guess that's some sort of list.
Sunday, August 3, 2003
Dragon Con - Don't Forget To Pack - list
1. Water
2. Coffee supplies (mugs, creamer, sugar, filter, coffee - ask about coffee maker)
3. mouthwash
4. extra lighter/matches
Tylenol
Coffee/Water cup
Allergy Meds
umbrella!
Birth Cert.
Soc. Sec. card
10:52am -
Tooth!
2. Coffee supplies (mugs, creamer, sugar, filter, coffee - ask about coffee maker)
3. mouthwash
4. extra lighter/matches
Tylenol
Coffee/Water cup
Allergy Meds
umbrella!
Birth Cert.
Soc. Sec. card
10:52am -
Tooth!
Recipes (I)
I've come up with a few good ones... :)
Simple and quick pasta with clam sauce
1 stick butter
3 cloves garlic
1 tsp+ salt
@ 3/4 tsp garlic powder
3/4 to 1 lb. spaghetti (or other pasta)
1 10 oz. can fancy whole baby clams (Bumble Bee?)
(boil water for pasta)
melt butter in small frying pan and lower heat to simmer
press or mince garlic and add to butter
(add pasta to water)
add can of clams to garlic butter (do not drain!)
add @ 1 tsp. of salt and @ 3/4 tsp. garlic powder
continue simmering until pasta is cooked
Pour mixture over cooked pasta
mix and salt to taste
Plum Chicken and Broccoli
4 large cloves fresh garlic
4 tablespoons of butter
chicken tender strips or chicken breast (about 1 lb)
1/4 cup Kikkoman Lite Soy sauce
1/2 cup Ka-Me Chinese Plum sauce
@1/4 teaspoon each of salt, pepper, and garlic powder
1 lb (frozen) broccoli
mince the garlic and cube the chicken, cook broccoli according to instructions
Sauté the garlic in 2 (or 3) tablespoons of butter (medium heat)
Add chicken right as garlic begins to brown
Cook until chicken is (light) brown (almost done)
add salt, pepper and garlic powder
add soy sauce and plum sauce
add last tablespoon (or 2) of butter once it's bubbling/thickening
add broccoli once butter is melted and mixed in
cook and stir until broccoli is coated and it's bubbling again
Simple and quick pasta with clam sauce
1 stick butter
3 cloves garlic
1 tsp+ salt
@ 3/4 tsp garlic powder
3/4 to 1 lb. spaghetti (or other pasta)
1 10 oz. can fancy whole baby clams (Bumble Bee?)
(boil water for pasta)
melt butter in small frying pan and lower heat to simmer
press or mince garlic and add to butter
(add pasta to water)
add can of clams to garlic butter (do not drain!)
add @ 1 tsp. of salt and @ 3/4 tsp. garlic powder
continue simmering until pasta is cooked
Pour mixture over cooked pasta
mix and salt to taste
Plum Chicken and Broccoli
4 large cloves fresh garlic
4 tablespoons of butter
chicken tender strips or chicken breast (about 1 lb)
1/4 cup Kikkoman Lite Soy sauce
1/2 cup Ka-Me Chinese Plum sauce
@1/4 teaspoon each of salt, pepper, and garlic powder
1 lb (frozen) broccoli
mince the garlic and cube the chicken, cook broccoli according to instructions
Sauté the garlic in 2 (or 3) tablespoons of butter (medium heat)
Add chicken right as garlic begins to brown
Cook until chicken is (light) brown (almost done)
add salt, pepper and garlic powder
add soy sauce and plum sauce
add last tablespoon (or 2) of butter once it's bubbling/thickening
add broccoli once butter is melted and mixed in
cook and stir until broccoli is coated and it's bubbling again
Saturday, August 2, 2003
Got a dust cloth? - III
I'm seepy.
Think it's Bedtime For Francis
(Does anyone remember that book?)
Tomorrow's another day.
Think it's Bedtime For Francis
(Does anyone remember that book?)
Tomorrow's another day.
(2003) Dragon Con (2)
It's a scary thing.
It's so difficult to say, "I REALLY REALLY REALLY like you and want to see you... but please stay out of my room." I mean... people take things so personally. Not that I blame them, I often take things personally myself, but the situation is still difficult. I don't like hurting people's feelings. I'm working on that... trying to get to the mind set of "they'll get over it!", but it's tough.
The crap that went down in 2001 was beyond frustrating... and I thought that we made things REALLY clear before making the trip.
So, here we are outing ourselves about going... and taking a risk. I can just see it... we get together with someone, it's 3AM, we're all getting tired... we have to go... and then... there's this:
So, of course we give in... and then we both go completely ape shit because there's someone in the room and neither one of us has the guts to say "LEAVE".
We're both pushovers. I guess that's what it comes down to. We'll put other people's needs before our own... and end up miserable.
It's so difficult to say, "I REALLY REALLY REALLY like you and want to see you... but please stay out of my room." I mean... people take things so personally. Not that I blame them, I often take things personally myself, but the situation is still difficult. I don't like hurting people's feelings. I'm working on that... trying to get to the mind set of "they'll get over it!", but it's tough.
The crap that went down in 2001 was beyond frustrating... and I thought that we made things REALLY clear before making the trip.
So, here we are outing ourselves about going... and taking a risk. I can just see it... we get together with someone, it's 3AM, we're all getting tired... we have to go... and then... there's this:
So, of course we give in... and then we both go completely ape shit because there's someone in the room and neither one of us has the guts to say "LEAVE".
We're both pushovers. I guess that's what it comes down to. We'll put other people's needs before our own... and end up miserable.
Friday, August 1, 2003
(2003) Dragon Con (1)
Figure we should have a topic for this.
I feel nervous discussing this openly, but in a way, I want to. There are just a lot of issues surrounding it... previous Cons, the whole safety/space thing... being put on the spot.... people's lack of social skills...
and then, just the need to repeatedly say WOOHOO!
I feel nervous discussing this openly, but in a way, I want to. There are just a lot of issues surrounding it... previous Cons, the whole safety/space thing... being put on the spot.... people's lack of social skills...
and then, just the need to repeatedly say WOOHOO!
Got a dust cloth? - II (to A2)
...Well, I'd like to make you smile as well. (Have I told you yet today just how much I love you?) Your opinion matters to me. Your input is important to me. You're the one who cares!
Yes, we live in different States, but yeesh... you've been with me through such hell over the last 4 years. There are 3 people on this planet I can call "family". You're one of them. True, we can't see one another every day, we can't be there for one another in certain ways because of distance, but I know that you're there... and I mean really there, not just faking it. You've dealt with me at my worst... and haven't given up on me. In that, you deserve my best.
ok, before this gets any more sappy and you have to start pelting me with Twinkies...
I "own" this board... yes... but it's ours. Me and you. It's our house. We live here. What we do with the place is up to US.
Yes, we live in different States, but yeesh... you've been with me through such hell over the last 4 years. There are 3 people on this planet I can call "family". You're one of them. True, we can't see one another every day, we can't be there for one another in certain ways because of distance, but I know that you're there... and I mean really there, not just faking it. You've dealt with me at my worst... and haven't given up on me. In that, you deserve my best.
ok, before this gets any more sappy and you have to start pelting me with Twinkies...
I "own" this board... yes... but it's ours. Me and you. It's our house. We live here. What we do with the place is up to US.
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