(Chili recipes)

what do YOU think makes your chili best?

Ketchup.

(Here's an idea...)

Live each day as if it's THEIR last.

(What do you smell like?)

I find that what people eat, their pheromones, and their general health determines their scent. (Doesn't matter how many products you use to cover it up, if you're not healthy, I can smell it.)


As for my external factors....


I smell like an ashtray that has been washed in beer.


other smells:

Dove soap
Head & Shoulders shampoo
Old Spice deoderant
All "Free and Clear" laundry soap

running thread (cont'd)

LA

CERVEZA

MAS

FINA

Here's to you, Terri.

(Re: current private board stats - more)

In all honesty, the only count that is low is the post count, and that's just because I haven't been posting, and N. has been posting less. You two are posting about the same amount... with the exception of the few days after Terri died.


I don't worry about the views too much. It's the post count I concentrate on... keeping in mind the amount the 3 of us have posted.

The board has been "dead" for months. (For months it's been the 3 of us doing 75% of the posting.)

I really don't know how to resolve the problem.

running thread

Got up about 10.

Been working on the card.


Funny how someone who can't seem to shut up can suddenly be at a loss for words.

---

This must be what your family feels when they're in your apartment now.

It hurts just to be there and have you not be.

Terri (9/26/02)

It's raining. It's supposed to rain for a few days.

All that I keep wanting to post is "I miss you".

There are a lot of words... but my fingers don't want to type them.

I guess I'm feeling sorry for myself. I don't feel like I have any control over that though.

Still, I either "shut down" or I fall apart... and after I fall apart, I have to analyze why I'm still falling apart.


Today something occured to me... It's not just that it hurts so badly because I cared for you so much, it's that you cared for me.

I don't think that I really understood that until today.

I feel selfish.... and angry... and weak... and...


I miss you.

(Today... 092602)

I waited for L. this morning and afternoon, to go to the food store. Didn't get back until after 4, because she wasn't here until after 2.

I called A(2), and then had to lay down for a bit.

I still keep falling apart. I got a card today, which I'll do my best to send out tomorrow... but I'm having trouble with it. I feel bad for crying in A(2)'s ear all the time. Not that I think she minds, but I do. I hate feeling so unavailable to others.


The ER season premiere is on tonight.

I think it's a good tv night.

(The phone)

I do tend to talk a lot (online and off!), but having the right person to talk to... that's just lethal for the phone bill! If it weren't for the plan I have now, I'd be very unhappy. At least with this plan I can call Canada every now and again. I wish it were included in my bill though... then I could just live on the phone...

(Happy memories of Terri?)

"Happy".

No matter what I think of right now, it doesn't make me feel "happy".

"Happy" memories are painful... and so, not "happy" at all.


Maybe in time.

this morning

I woke up thinking about your family... and about the fact that I haven't been able to get a card... or figure out what to write.

I thought of sending some of your writing, but I don't know what to send. I don't know what you would have them read.

It's still fresh too... I don't know what they're in a place to handle. I don't know what I'm in a place to handle.

I want to do the right thing by you. I don't want to "dishonor" your memory. I don't know if you would have felt comfortable sharing a lot of what you wrote with your various family members.


Maybe I'll just give it some more time.

Maybe in time I'll know more what to do.

Re: The new format

I did most of it today and yesterday. Before that I could barely look at the screen. :(

Eventually we'll have to do the decorating. Maybe one room at a time?

today

Today was your funeral.

I thought of you a lot... as usual... and missed you.

I'm trying my best to push through, to keep the board going, to keep myself going.

I guess trying is the best anyone can do.

(DragonCon Countdown)

PhillyCon countdown: appprox 6 weeks?

Amount saved: $0


Probability of attending next year's DragonCon: approx 10%




poor sucks.

About the new format (PLEASE READ)

a few things:

The most important section on the board is "The Office". PLEASE make sure to stop in there whenever you come to the board, and read whatever is in the section that you haven't read already. Even if it's a message for another person, sometimes reading it will avoid us asking one another the same questions repeatedly. "The Office" is for quick messages from any of us, to any or all of us, and for things that are important for any or all of us to know about the board or events in our offline lives that will affect the board (being away for a while, for example).

The second most important is "The Hall Closet". If the poster doesn't know where to put it, it gets put in there. Suggestions as to where the topic should go are wanted, and as well, it's ok to put a topic in there, let it develop (through conversation), and then tell me later where you want it to go. I just don't want the closet to become overstuffed.

I did my best trying to figure out where things go, but if you feel that your topic better belongs in another section, let me know and I'll move it.

Don't stress too much about the sections. Yes, make an effort to put things where they fit, but if you miss the mark, don't panic. Moving a topic every now and again isn't that difficult. In time, topics change in nature and often fit better in other areas. If I move your topic, don't take it personal. It's just my attempts at keeping a clean house.

I'm going to put an open sticky topic in each section (except for "The Office", "The W.C.", "Mystic's Room" and "The Basement"). In this section, post a link to any thread that you want people to pay special attention to or that you want to have easy access to.


With Mystic's section, I'm making it a "No Reply" format. If you want to reply to anything in there, or talk about (or to) Mystic, please do... just start a new thread in the section. Right now, I can't think about doing anything other than leaving her section on the board. Not that I'm deifying her, or attempting to, I just feel way too much right now to do anything else.

I'm not posting rules. If there's a problem, I'll let you know. If there's a question, ask me.


thanks much

-FR

Re: Terri

I'm sorry that I couldn't provide the information on where to send flowers.

I think that if you're so inclined, and can afford to, a gift in Terri's honor to one of these organizations would be a good thing:

The Breast Cancer Fund
The American Cancer Society


Probably the place to give to would be:

The LDS Foundation

There was little in her life that she cared about more than this, and her Church helped Terri in more ways than I could ever list here.

Terri

I'm trying to get the board organized... reading through all these topics, trying to figure out what section they go in.

I keep seeing your posts... and I read them... and my heart hurts.

I know...

but...


I just miss you.

(Ii.)

I was with you yesterday (YAY!), but I still wanted to post a Happy Birthday to you on the board.

Love you, bro!

PLEASE STAND BY (some more)

I'm reading, but I'm not quite at the place where I feel that I can reply... especially without letting my feelings come out in inappropriate ways.

Hopefully, today I can at least get a little work done behind the scenes.

PLEASE STAND BY

I know, I don't have to explain or anything... but I just wanted you all to know that I do plan on getting things together.

I just need a little time.


Thanks for your patience.

fuct

hi

I'm completely suicidal, and I have no meds.




I have to do my best to go to sleep.


I called, but you were out.

I'll try you in the morning, but I REALLY have to try to go to sleep (sake beer, sake beer).

I love you.

for Terri

This is a poem that you wrote back in 2001. I figured that I'd post it. I hope you don't mind too much.

I also posted a picture of me and you, from last year's Dragon Con.

The smile was genuine.



Daisies, Lilacs and Lavender.

When I die, Please do this for me
Bathe me in lavender,
Dress me in a dress of daisies
and scatter lilacs about my body.

Do not mourn for me,
But celebrate new life.
Please plant a weeping willow
at the head of my grave.
For that is a tree that demands attention!

But do not weep for me!
Let the tree do this for you.

Please dance around my grave
at midnight,
and burn a candle or two.
Wish me well, as I do you.
For my time to say good bye has come.

Weep not for me for I'm at peace,
I'm watching over you.
I'll be there in your dreams at night,
My memory lives on in you.






p.s. - I know that you probably wrote the poem for someone specific, but I think that this is an ok place to post it... and that it probably applies all the way around anyway.

I love you.

just letting you know

I don't know how much I'll be online for a bit.

I'm pretty much a mess.


I'll do my best though.

Mystic (R.I.P.)

I'll always think of you, Terri.

Always did, always will.


Maybe you can see this... or me... somehow.


I hope where you are is a nice place. I'm sure I'll find out one day too.

Maybe I'll be really lucky and see you there.


I love you.

:(

Terri passed away about 5AM this morning.


I know that she would want everyone to know how much she cared for them... and she did know how much she was cared for.


have to go now

The new format

ok, this was my idea...

I want to set it up like a house.

First, there'll be "The front step". That will be where you post current events and news type stuff for people to read.

Then, you should go in to check the answering machine and message board in "The Office" for messages addressed to you. You can also leave messages there for other people.

The you might stop by "The Closet", if there's anything you need to put in there... (like topics you don't know where to place )

In "The living room" is where daily life, chatting, bitching, whining, moaning, celebrating, meeting people, greeting people, and discussion in general takes place.

You can go to "The kitchen" if you're hungy ( topics on food, diet, etc.), or "The library" if you want to do some reading or research on various topics.

There's a "Bathroom". You go there if you need to keep the door closed. (no reply), a "tv and game room" for quizes, online games, and for all things tv, movie and music related.

"The back yard" is there for talking about nature, animals, exercise, all the things we do, or see outside.

And at the end of a long day... there's "The Bedroom". There, we can discuss sex, sexuality, gender, etc.

Down in "The basement" are the archives.

---

(9 AM)

I actually had a garage in the first draft of the idea, but there were just so many sections that I had to compress them.

I figure that we can talk about things that go vrroom!!! in the back yard.

home

just going to watch tv

Just letting you all know

I heard from Mystic's family today. Things aren't good. The doc said about a week or so.


They have her in her Dragon-Con t-shirt. *little smile*


I'll let you know when and if...


(sorry so brief, but it's tough to know what to say)

Re: I'M DONE

(dad-unit), I was talking about you READING what was in your section. I posted a thread there days ago that you've yet to address.

NL., it's actually related. The way people feel about their sections and people not showing up or asking for the password, or whatever, is a lot like what I go through on the main board.

Here's an example...

What if c. had shown up that day in your section and no one even said hello to him when he arrived? Sure, it'd make c. feel a bit unwelcome, but even more, it would make you feel a little embarrassed because of the lack of manners of the people in your section. It's not that people should care about c. (they don't even know him yet), but they should care about YOU.

On a board of 40, when the same half dozen or so people keep replying to all the topics, it makes ME feel embarrassed, and it makes me feel bad for the poster.

This whole "You didn't ask me, so you don't care" and "You didn't invite me, so you don't care" thing is the same as what goes on, on the board itself. It's "You didn't reply to my topic, so you don't care" and "You didn't reply to my topic, so why should I reply to yours if you really don't care?"


Perhaps it is childish to need reassurance, but I think that many of us do. We're prone to thinking the worst when people are silent or when they don't show up at all. (Online and offline)

I've done my best, at this point, to eliminate all the people I really thought didn't care (again, with the exception of the newer members). How do I judge who cares? It's not post count, it's not how many days a week or hours per day, it's not how long you've kept (the board) in your favorites list.

I read EVERY POST, EVERY DAY. It's like reading a book. After a while, the characters solidify.... you can tell who is up to what and what they're feeling, to a certain degree.

Not that everyone can get along with everyone in the world... but this ISN'T the whole world. It's a group of people. If you're on the board and despise all but 2 members, I'd sooner have you leave. This isn't a drift on and off board, it's a board that is supposed to be comprised of people who all care for one another... A board that you want to come to as often as you want to see your friends and loved ones offline. As close to a "family" as this sort of thing can be.

I tried to whittle it down to those of us I felt actually saw this place, and one another, in that light.

Now it's up to us to decide where to put the furniture.

9/18/02

My inner child is wearing a straight jacket.

(How was my day? 4)

The ones that do care are the reason this board is still here.... but... it's NOT about people not caring about the board. It's about people not caring about EACH OTHER. There's a BIG difference.

The board is an online space. If it's the place I feel the most comfortable posting, then of course I care about it. To me though, if the only reason you're here is because you care about the board... make your own board. I'm not here to provide some sort of haven for bored people on the net.

When people don't post, or disappear, it should matter. If you see a friend being insulted, it should matter. If someone is having a tough time of life, it should matter.


...but, like I said, you can't force people to care.

I'M DONE

It's not just about more posts, or about posting every day, or every week, or anything like that.

What this is about is caring. To me, whether it's about being rude, constantly argumentitive, not showing up, not listening, or not noticing when there's a serious problem, it's all about apparent lack of caring.

I don't want a board where someone can suddenly disappear and no one notices. I don't want a board where someone is insulted and everyone keeps their mouth shut about about it. I don't want a board where I have to keep repeating myself over and over, and having to justify myself, or have to fear what I post being used against me.

What this is about, for the people who are currently members, is just me asking how you'd best like the board set up. Right now, I deleted the members whose apparent lack of caring was way over the top, but the ones who are still here are the ones I thought apparently cared (and a few newer members who haven't had the chance to really show anyone anything either way).

Speaking of caring...
(dad-unit), when is the last time you paid attention to your section? <---- annoyed at apparent lack of caring.

(How was my day? 3)

My day would be much better if I could just figure out an easy way to get people to care about others on (the) board.

Thing is, you can't force people to care. They either do or they don't.

At some point, I'll understand that.

Hineygoblin?!?!?!?

I've had ENOUGH.


I'm closing the board to lurkers and deleting a large number of users.


I've had it.

(just a dream)

Dreamt of being in a Navy training school... and war... many many planes in the sky.

Scary dream.

A reminder

I don't want to sound mean (meaner than I already seem), but I did want to stress the "community" aspect of (this private board/community), as opposed to having a bunch of little boards for people. All members should be posting in the open areas of the board. The private sections were meant as places to post more personal topics, not as mini-boards for people.

If you have a private section, please keep this in mind and encourage your "members" to post in the open sections. Members who do not post in the open areas are basically "lurking", and like it or not, I'll cop an attitude about it. (I've done so for the last 2 years, so I don't expect it to change anytime soon.)

(Favorite Toons?)

I really don't like cartoons, but If I had to choose a recent one to watch, I'd probably pick Spongebob... or Southpark.

I liked the old (first 2 seasons or so) Ren and Stimpy and Simpsons... but for some reason (maybe it was living with a toddler for a year and a half) the only time I purposely put on any cartoon is when I have company that wants to watch them.

ok, one exception... I think that I've watched half of an episode of Southpark in the past year.

(The frustration.)

In truth, it's not about them not understanding. When the posts were open (as opposed to having one general spot for comments) they didn't reply either.

(progress is...)

I was hoping that people might actually reply to my thread in my open topic. In truth, it's been tearing me apart that I'm in the process of peeling off what's left of my skin and no one has even blinked.

If you read my "progress report" it mentions the title of my book.

I thought that the name of the thread might make it obvious to people that I'm actually posting the contents of said book in my section.

The fact that no one has said anything has hurt me worse than anything previous on this board.


I'm not talking about you, J.... or you, RBW... but I am talking about EVERYONE else. I've spoken to RBW on the phone. I think that J., because she read the progress reports before and they did not include the title to the book, didn't make the connection.

No one else has an excuse... ESPECIALLY (dad-unit), who said that he would reply.



Just needed to get that off my chest.

(more on the 9/11 outburst - 3)

J., I do agree with you on a lot of what you said... but it's not the only reason I feel the way I do.

It's sort of like people who go to church on Christmas and consider themselves good Christians.

Last year, about this time, the lines were around the block with people wanting to donate blood, the rest of the year?

Last year, the rich rock musicians and actors actually thanked their fans with a free concert and saw them as equals (or better). The rest of the year?

People gave money, clothes, free food, and loads of thanks and support to people just doing their jobs. The rest of the year?


It's the hypocrisy that gets me. It's not that the positive things that went on last year and this year, on 9/11, should not have. It's that they should happen ALL THE TIME. They don't.

I guess I just prefer that people either go to church, or don't. Once a year only means that you're either feeling guilty, feeling scared, posturing, or going through the motions.

Re: On 9/11 - to those still suffering...

I guess some people didn't pick up on the bitterness and sarcasm here.


I wasn't saying that's how I felt.

I was trying to make the point that it's a cold thing to say... about ANYONE'S trauma, sorrow, or issue... even though many people do actually say those things about other people.

(more on the 9/11 outburst - 2)

It's not that I don't feel for the people who lost their loved ones, were injured, or who were traumatized by what happened. Too, it's not that I felt it was deserved.

I just wish that people (including the people in government) would have an open heart and a generous hand with other people, ALL other people and not just the ones with enough media coverage, 365 days a year.

(more on the 9/11 outburst)

Point is, until you're in someone else's shoes, you shouldn't say shit like that to people.

In other words, next time I have a traumatic event in my life, I'll make sure to call the media, have t-shirts printed up, and create online picture shows with sappy music. Maybe then I can get some understanding and not have to beg for assistance.

How many people die each day from AIDS?

Where's that Presidential speech? Where's the billion dollar a day budget for that?



I'm stopping here.


I guess that the main point is that (with very little exception) I find all of this 9/11 stuff fake, infuriating, hypocritical, and stomach turning.

On 9/11 - to those still suffering...

Get over it.

You just don't want to work.

What's wrong with you?

Stop living in the past!

You're paranoid!

What do you want me to do, support your lazy ass while you wake up and decide to be normal?

Life is a beautiful gift, why can't you just be happy?




Sounds pretty fucking cold, doesn't it?

(My trash?)

Paper, junk mail, cardboard, cans and metal, jars and glass, bags and plastic... whatever I can get away with throwing into the recycle bin, I do. I try to re-use things too. Most of what goes into my garbage is coffee filters, cigarette butts and empty packs, and napkins/papertowels. I don't make a lot of actual trash... if I used an empty cardboard case from a 30 pack of beer (cans), I'd have to dump it out about every 3 or 4 days.

Sept. 11

It will be on my mind all day. I can't help that. Even now, I'm placing myself...

...right now I'm still on that Amtrak train coming back from GA. My body hurts. I haven't slept. I'm talking to a woman from Israel who is on her way to DC to visit with a friend. We should be in DC by 9 or so.

Most of the people on the train are either getting off in DC or NYC. All the seats are taken. I keep mostly to the smoking area. I gave the window seat to the woman who was sitting next to me. I didn't want to bother her by getting up every 3 seconds to smoke. I regret that now. The only people who can get any sleep are the ones sitting next to the window, in sleeping cars, or the ones who are traveling with someone close to them.

In a few hours, you'll be able to tell who was stuck on the aisle. They'll be the ones with the bad attitudes who look on the verge of tears.

It's a very long trip.

(me)

me go now

me watch football

me go sleep

me no dream of ants

(Funniest T-shirt sayings?)

I have a shirt that on the front, has a guy drinking a bottle of Tequila.

On the back he's sitting with his pants around his ankles, and it says: Shit Happens.


(The more tequila you've drank in your life, the funnier this shirt actually is.)

(Dinner for two?)

I'd be into that dinner with J.!


If I had to pick a famous person, I think I'd go with Stevie Nicks.


If I really could pick anyone, I'd have to go with my High School girlfriend. It's a long story (that I don't want to get into here), but I've not been able to do so for about 12 years.

(The best day of my life?)

I think I'd have to say either 2/8/86 or 7/16/87. I'm not sure if I could pick one of the two.

(...has to do with my girlfriend at the time. I don't really want to go into it though. I just get depressed.)

(Comfort Food?)

Well.... other than sushi....

Grilled cheese
Grilled tuna & cheese
Macaroni & cheese
Cheddar Cheese soup



I like cheese.

(Sexuality before contact?)

I think that people can tell who they're attracted to, even if they don't act on that attraction. Too, being straight or gay or bi or pan doesn't only have to do with sex. It also has to do with romance, bonding, lifestyle, and all sorts of other non-sexual connections.


Another little curve ball... many people's sexuality changes. For example, some women start off "straight" and end up identifying as Lesbians later on in life.

I think that a person's sexuality is mutable. People change as they grow. Their thoughts change, their preferences change, their bodies change, and they rack up various experiences.

Mystic (3)

I called her last night, and spoke to her briefly. I promised that I'd pass on that she sends her best to everyone, and as well, told her that people were thinking of her and missing her.


I'm sorry to say that she's not doing well at all.

Please send her energy or prayers or thoughts if you can.

(Attractive/Attraction)

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A female might think another female is attractive..but may not BE sexually attracted to her...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can say that about "straight" people too.

A MALE might think a female is attractive..but may not BE sexually attracted to her...

or

A FEMALE might think a male is attractive..but may not BE sexually attracted to him...

Just because you're bi doesn't mean you're attracted to EVERYONE. Same with being gay or straight.

The way I see it, being "pan"* simply means that a person's body parts do not dictate whether or not you are or can be romantically interested in them.


*I'd say "bi", but to me, "bi" implies TWO. I don't see sex and gender as polar. To me, a person who is "bi" is/can be sexually/romantically interested in people who qualify as either stereotypical human male or stereotypical human female.

Again, because most people don't understand what "pansexual" is, I'll use the "bi" label... but technically speaking, to me, it's not a perfect fit.

(Human sexuality.)

A large part of me thinks that EVERYONE is bi/pan. We're just socially programmed otherwise.


When you fall in love, it doesn't matter what parts a person has... or what label they choose. Love is love. Lust is lust. If the love of your life was in an accident, or had a disease, and lost a part of their anatomy that was "gender specific", would you leave them?


If they changed their sex would you?


In all honesty, if you said yes to either of these questions, you weren't in love in the first place.



just my opinion.

(ok, boys and girls... looking back)

Sometimes it helps me to read what I wrote in the past when my brain gets muddied... and sometimes it helps to remind myself of the way other people see things, so that I can keep in mind that not everyone sees things the way I do.

Sometimes I wonder if me being "out" as me, from PTD, to here, to anywhere else online, has made the slightest bit of difference in the big picture. I used to think that it might, but I often lose faith in that.

Sometimes being a stereotypical asshole looks much more appealing than being an open raw nerve.

(Re: current private board stats)

I wish people would actually read, rather than scanning for the latest dirt.


Just so you know, each view is any click that takes you to any place on the board. Even hitting your back button, submitting a post, or going from one forum to another will add a page view. As well, the way they determine how much to charge for the board is by the number of total page views minus the number of community supporter page views. Right now, the price is at $43. (Makes me dislike lurkers even more.)

(My sexuality?)

I'm "bi". (pansexual fits me better, but according to most people's definitions (most people never even heard of "pansexual") I'm bi.)

It's not a "choice", it's just who I am.

What I really want to post:

ok, A. You want me to treat you like a human? You want me to stop "doing what I'm doing"? I should just respond to you as I would anyone else who has acted towards me as you have acted over the the past year?

ok, how's this then...


you're an idiot.

you are now cordially invited to go fvck yourself.



There. Better?

What I posted, before the section disappeared:

Follows Ravens
Registered User
Posts: 25
(9/3/02 11:39:21 pm)
Re: Finished
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A., I'm treating you like a human being. Actually, I'm treating you better than a human being, I'm treating you like someone I give a damn about. I could easily have just called you an idiot and told you to go fvck yourself because I just couldn't agree with your perspective, your words, and your apparent lack of respect for me. Maybe I should have. It seems to be the acceptable way to handle things in the eyes of people I respect.

You need help, from someone who can help you. Whether it's meds, or therapy, or something else doesn't matter. Whatever it is that you're doing is driving away the people who care for you. If you think about it for a minute, and think about who it is who is talking to you here (me and CB), maybe you can realize that. It's NOT that we haven't been listening. It's that we have... listening, caring, loving, and accepting YOU for WHO YOU ARE. From ME... from someone who has been your friend for 3 years IN REAL LIFE. WHO YOU ARE is in trouble... YOU need help.... it's not that the people around you need to be more patient or loving or accepting. You have some of the best people around as friends. They're TRYING to tell you something... Not that you're a bad person... not that you need to apologize.... and not that you should shut up. They're trying to tell you that because they care about you they want you to get some help that they cannot provide because your words and actions are hurting them. They are... I AM... attempting to keep you as a friend.


(good thing I'm a saver)

(Is homosexuality hereditary?)

I don't think it's any more hereditary than being straight is. (Don't most gay people come from a long line of straight parents?)

Honestly, I think that sexuality is developed with the influence of many factors. Heredity can be one of those factors (Pheromone sensitivity may be inherited, for example), but it's not always the case.

Are you asking if we think there's a "Gay gene"? (My answer wouldn't change, by the way.)

(current private board stats)

Date - Page Views - Supporter Page Views - Posts

9/27/02 951 469 78
9/26/02 847 260 79
9/25/02 1098 398 73
9/24/02 1294 745 66
9/23/02 900 588 40
9/22/02 615 156 43
9/21/02 603 211 26
9/20/02 1241 664 96
9/19/02 1504 649 150
9/18/02 885 347 97
9/17/02 693 341 63
9/16/02 1246 607 89
9/15/02 1722 865 145
9/14/02 1045 705 82
9/13/02 1404 781 96
9/12/02 859 405 65
9/11/02 1463 1023 67
9/10/02 1241 549 119
9/9/02 1095 458 95
9/8/02 926 425 85
9/7/02 940 419 84
9/6/02 980 531 77
9/5/02 1592 617 162
9/4/02 1191 648 124
9/3/02 812 398 71
9/2/02 1566 587 179
9/1/02 736 309 79
8/31/02 404 101 47
8/30/02 885 355 65
8/29/02 1307 492 90
8/28/02 1651 695 124
8/27/02 1449 606 101
8/26/02 986 424 73
8/25/02 903 345 72
8/24/02 1063 430 70
8/23/02 1617 698 122
8/22/02 699 274 46
8/21/02 1251 535 98
8/20/02 1704 715 145
8/19/02 1616 774 139
8/18/02 902 309 72
8/17/02 546 190 41
8/16/02 581 183 30
8/15/02 1014 398 74
8/14/02 1247 386 92
8/13/02 1105 321 86
8/12/02 144 44 10
8/11/02 653 287 43
8/10/02 699 336 48
8/9/02 1012 494 49
8/8/02 1466 698 78
8/7/02 2921 1419 197
8/6/02 2732 1172 200
8/5/02 2478 890 174
8/4/02 2207 1449 104
8/3/02 872 496 30
8/2/02 648 305 42
8/1/02 885 489 54
7/31/02 905 516 42
7/30/02 625 247 35
7/29/02 946 407 61
7/28/02 1184 573 70
7/27/02 1192 657 71
7/26/02 664 324 24
7/25/02 1401 719 67
7/24/02 1826 1067 64
7/23/02 1426 635 83
7/22/02 1725 737 88
7/21/02 1499 868 87
7/20/02 1109 600 62
7/19/02 2149 1214 113
7/18/02 1926 1022 118
7/17/02 2105 1084 122
7/16/02 922 577 61
7/15/02 822 415 35
7/14/02 755 475 30
7/13/02 497 246 33
7/12/02 421 204 21
7/11/02 463 239 20
7/10/02 550 275 34
7/9/02 707 255 44
7/8/02 424 155 23
7/7/02 332 113 21
7/6/02 46 4 5


closed archs
Date - Page Views - Supporter Page Views - Posts
9/8/02 46 25 10
9/7/02 12 4 3
9/6/02 52 42 8
9/5/02 46 30 8
9/4/02 188 130 34
9/3/02 93 75 20
9/2/02 278 161 52
9/1/02 107 71 21

A(2)'s section
Date - Page Views - Supporter Page Views - Posts
9/8/02 39 14 9
9/7/02 32 19 6
9/6/02 31 14 4
9/5/02 27 19 3
9/4/02 21 11 5
9/3/02 52 25 11
9/2/02 47 13 10
9/1/02 73 22 14
8/30/02 79 35 11
8/29/02 111 40 15
8/28/02 151 64 19
8/27/02 47 23 3
8/26/02 45 26 6
8/24/02 66 36 8
8/23/02 99 60 17
8/22/02 58 24 9
8/21/02 11 4 2
8/20/02 50 33 7
8/19/02 51 28 6
8/18/02 48 16 6
8/18/02 10 0 2
8/16/02 6 0 1
8/15/02 21 13 3
8/11/02 18 9 3
8/11/02 4 3 0
8/9/02 24 7 4
8/8/02 94 59 6
8/7/02 125 51 12
8/6/02 215 119 28
8/5/02 89 55 6
8/4/02 358 320 46

Daily Averages: 55 26 8


J's section
Date - Page Views - Supporter Page Views - Posts
9/8/02 108 42 14
9/7/02 83 19 14
9/6/02 130 52 22
9/5/02 364 75 70
9/4/02 90 23 13
9/3/02 40 7 3
9/2/02 287 77 47
9/1/02 116 33 19
8/31/02 56 7 11
8/30/02 162 43 21
8/29/02 210 63 25
8/28/02 204 57 21
8/27/02 149 51 16
8/26/02 65 19 8
8/25/02 98 22 15
8/24/02 105 26 17
8/23/02 154 39 23
8/22/02 61 16 5
8/21/02 152 55 18
8/20/02 226 86 23
8/19/02 176 73 27
8/18/02 121 26 16
8/17/02 127 31 19
8/16/02 93 14 7
8/15/02 174 32 22
8/14/02 237 48 36
8/13/02 155 19 18
8/12/02 79 18 11
8/11/02 71 31 5
8/10/02 22 4 2
8/9/02 73 29 4
8/8/02 133 27 16
8/7/02 245 83 36
8/6/02 354 110 45
8/5/02 363 50 47
8/4/02 238 70 24
8/4/02 36 34 1

Daily Averages: 146 40 20

FR's section
Date - Page Views - Supporter Page Views - Posts
9/7/02 79 52 8
9/6/02 103 75 6
9/5/02 170 93 13
9/4/02 115 74 10
9/3/02 93 46 9
9/2/02 117 51 9
9/1/02 45 19 5
8/31/02 91 30 17
8/30/02 72 35 5
8/29/02 120 59 8
8/28/02 192 79 17
8/27/02 278 131 32
8/26/02 79 35 6
8/25/02 234 110 28
8/24/02 69 31 8
8/23/02 188 99 22
8/22/02 81 42 6
8/21/02 103 49 10
8/20/02 216 80 23
8/19/02 226 108 25
8/18/02 157 80 19
8/17/02 69 28 4
8/16/02 46 14 3
8/15/02 137 47 19
8/14/02 135 44 11
8/13/02 261 84 37
8/12/02 106 28 12
8/11/02 101 52 9
8/10/02 74 40 11
8/9/02 104 49 8
8/8/02 172 99 12
8/7/02 202 108 22
8/6/02 144 141 0
8/5/02 100 99 1

Daily Averages: 129 59 13

(hurting still)

Actually, I DO know what that means. It means...


too fucking bad.

Hi J & A(2) (III)

With L., when she says "go", it's time to go, or not go at all. The bed people (Sleepys) are supposed to call an hour ahead of time, but I don't know if that'll be of any help.

I guess I'll see.


I hate being dependent on L.

I hate being dependent on anyone.

(Truth is...)

Truth is, although I don't like admitting it, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm "Intersexed", I'd be locked up right now. It's abuse (past and potential) that keeps me from getting the help that I need... and actually, that also keeps me in line in so far as the law is concerned.

Hi J & A(2) (II)

I've got the headache from hell. Drank too much, I think.

I slept for a while, and I think that I managed to tape some stuff, but I can't vouch for the quality. I'll watch it in a bit.

Hi J & A(2) (I)

I watched "The Song Remains The Same", and now I'm watching "Godspell". AMC has continuous music movies on.

"Godspell" is eerie. Lot's of WTC shots in it. There were some in The Song Remains The Same, but somehow they weren't as eerie.

I wish I had some blank tapes. I really want to tape "Jesus Christ Superstar" and "A Star Is Born", and then there's a thing on from 6 - 8 narrated by Bowie. I guess that one day I can buy the first two, but I don't think that I could the Bowie thing. I'll use up 2 of my hours on taping that. The other 2 I'm saving for a couple episodes of ER that are coming up soon.

I hope that I can get in touch with L. soon. She's supposed to bring over my case of beer for me. Until she does, I'm left trying to stay awake.

It's cool that I'll get to watch some good movies, but I know that soon I'll be really tired, and I'll struggle trying to watch them.