(What's the meaning of the net to vampires and others?)

The fact that communicating on the net forces people to go beyond the physical is one of my favorite things about the world in which I live. Sometimes I can't say much for the progress of the human race, but in this instance, I am truly thankful for human technology. I think that the web will do more to assist in the evolution of the human race than anything else since the "discovery" of fire.

(Follows Ravens)

As for my name... well... It's a given name, given to me from the spirits which surround me. Actually I've spent a great deal of time and energy attempting to discover its meaning for myself. Wolves follow Ravens, and in that it makes sense, as I do have Wolf spirit in me... too though, I've come to realize that I am also that which I follow.

As to where they're leading me... Where am I going? Well... Hopefully they're leading me in the right direction. Hopefully I'm leading myself to where I am meant to be... on all levels.

I SPEAK FOR THE TREES

-I feel very alone. I guess that's because I am. Was it written in my book of life that I was to be alone? Being alone is tough. Perhaps my soul is stronger than I give it credit for being. I doubt that a weak soul could withstand being so alone. Well, be that as it may, it still feels like crap. Whatever strength I have does not make it feel much better. Well, I suppose that life's not over yet.-

---

-It's always water, water and fire. There are bursts in the sky. It's always the same... the water turns into fire from the bombing. It's not fire per say, nor is it lava really. It looks like water, smooth with waves and ridges, but it's fire. Sometimes it's day; sometimes it's night. There is not a lot of panic or screaming. The people just seem to accept their fate. They walk to the "water" and jump in. There's no sreaming, or flailing. They just vanish into it.-

(Realities of the persona within)

Truth. The way I see it, Truth is transient. It's not that what you thought to be true wasn't... it's just that it changed over time. Growth seems to do that, make truth seem like a lie sometimes. When I'm happy, I tend not to analyze things as much, I seem to just accept them as reality, no questions asked. When I'm not happy, I question things a lot because I'm not satisfied with the way things are. When I desire change, I look for the things that seem "off" somehow, so that I know where to start with changing.

I don't think that hardening is the answer, although it's always an option. (Sort of like suicide.) I think that becoming callous and putting up walls is letting "them" win. To keep an open heart during times of pain is, well... damn painful, but growth and becoming stronger usually are painful processes. Keeping the heart open always gets my vote for the best path to travel.

I believe that both hate and rage serve a purpose. They let you know when it's time to change something about your life or current situation. They seem to serve as a pointer, telling you what to focus on, what things you need to look at within and/or outside of yourself. Sometimes, I think, one just needs to be really pissed off for a while. Feeling is never wrong, it's just the actions which go along with feeling that can be questionable at times. I think that maybe the best way to find peace is to allow yourself to feel the rage and hate, then to find an outlet - like talking or writing or beating up an inanimate object or even screaming at the source sometimes (if you can pin it down and it seems open to hearing you out.) Once feelings are expressed, they seem to change or grow - for better or for worse - so sometimes expressing hate and rage can lead to feeling a bit more peaceful.

When did humanity become evil?

I don't know. "Evil" is a moral construct. The things which are called evil vary from person to person. Some days I see humanity as evil (including myself) and then some days I don't. On those days, I just see it as humanity. It's not good, not bad; it just is, whether I like it or not, and who am I to judge it anyway? It depends on if I really believe in evil at that particular moment. Either way though, evil or not, it's not for me to rid the world of anything. It's only for me to rid myself of the evil I feel inside of me, and for me to evolve into a better being than I was a minute ago. "Better" meaning happier and more content with myself.

Life In Words

The following are sentences that I extracted from my writing. The first was written at the age of 13, in 1982, the next in '83, and so forth.

---

Well, who am I? ********* Lesson number one; Love hurts. ********* Lies hurt. ********* I need to feel needed. ********* I have this horrible feeling of being lost, of reaching out for someone I've yet to find. ********* How does one stop feeling? ********* Cry my tears of blood. ********* Why the hell am I reaching out for something I know I can't find? ********* Maybe this pain is what's meant by "growing up". ********* The price you pay for getting everything you've always wanted is the fear of losing it. ********* The further I go into myself, the more my conditioned brain fears insanity. ********* We create our own Gods. We call them role models. ********* So many realities to choose from. ********* To save a soul, one must only become a friend. ********* Truth changes on each tongue. ********* "Red" is within, as opposed to without. ********* To be disgusted by our own selves... that is the nature of intelligence. ********* I am my own God.

So you can shift.

I always shift Mentally before I shift physically. The first thing that I notice physically, though, almost feels like an urge to shiver... like a muscular tightness around the length of my spine. From there it spreads outward.

7pm072499

Lay me down and roll me out to sea.
Wondering if anyone else under 35 really likes Barry Manilow.
    Think that Rolaids really go with beer?
We had the right love at the wrong time.
Last night I waved goodbye... now it seems years...
Do you remember...

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!

Room for all.

Hey, this is an adventure. We've been through worse. No sense being scared out here. It's totally safe.

There's definitely not enough space to list everything we're into.

How about the top 18?

Hm. ok... but quickly.

MPD/DID. The luck of Rock stars. Vampires. People who like intersexed people. Wolves. Playmobil! Trees and other living creatures. People who live in or around Philly. People. Younger people who need an ear. Alternative people who appear conservative. That's shallow! Shut up.Other Pagans! Disabled people who have a tough time admitting it. Doctors. Now who's shallow!?! Now YOU shut up! Waking up the world. Being grey in a world of black and white. Being a Shaman in a world where Shamans are usually killed or institutionalized. Understanding the meaning of the word "home".

For the record.

(July 2009)
I wrote what I wrote. I did what I did. I said what I said. What happened, happened.

As a general rule, I've kept the names and online aliases of others out of this, and have done my best to keep what they once confided in me out of it as well. I will continue to do so, but there is a point to this blog/project, and that requires my honesty. [If I used your name and you want it removed, just let me know in a comment, and I will do so (I screen my comments, so even that won't be seen, if you don't want it to be.), but if I once used it publicly, without protest, it will again appear in the re-post, unless you tell me otherwise.]


Yes, that was then and this is now, but "then" needs to be preserved

...for the record.