(I suppose it) Depends on your definition.
I'm Intersexed. Physiologically, I have aspects of both "stereotypical" sexes.
By the definitions of many, I'm a Transsexual.
Depends on whom you ask. (If you ask me... I'm "Intersexed")
...and no.... I was "raised" (if you can call it that) "female".
Here's a juicy tidbit...
because of my "intelligence", I attended an "elite" all GIRLS school for 3 of my 4 High School years. (even though I was regularly escorted from the grounds for "being a boy"!)
Made life rather...
interesting.
Wednesday, July 31, 2002
Tuesday, July 30, 2002
(just transreflecting...)
I think that "we" affect many more people than we even realize... just by being who we are... and being vocal.
We're like a virus.
...and even those suicides say something.
note: I don't know that I consider myself a "transsexual" due to semantics... but... (I'm guessing) 7 out of 10 people would consider me such... so.... there!
We're like a virus.
...and even those suicides say something.
note: I don't know that I consider myself a "transsexual" due to semantics... but... (I'm guessing) 7 out of 10 people would consider me such... so.... there!
Another issue of race.
...I really think if it were reversed, and black women were having twice as many abortions as white women, people in government would suddenly see just how much of a "violation of women's rights" making them illegal is, and do their best to secure that in society. I don't think that anything which might really cut down the black population would be made illegal, or really enforced if it were. Cutting down the white? Yup. And if it can't be put on the law books, it'll be put out into society in some other way.
You can apply this to women's issues in more than the obvious violation of rights aspect. Women are seen as baby machines for the race. Any practice which threatens to interupt the working of those machines must be abolished. Sounds like something Hitler would have approved of.
It seems that the "Constitution" is working... to protect the "minority". "Minority" = Rich, white, male.
You can apply this to women's issues in more than the obvious violation of rights aspect. Women are seen as baby machines for the race. Any practice which threatens to interupt the working of those machines must be abolished. Sounds like something Hitler would have approved of.
It seems that the "Constitution" is working... to protect the "minority". "Minority" = Rich, white, male.
(A list of my "turn offs"?)
Basically, it's pretty safe to say that no one can impress me for very long. Even if I'm briefly impressed, I'll manage to find something about you I can't stand within a few months. I live up to my horror-scope sign in this. Anything less than perfect is simply unacceptable... and being that no one's perfect, I'll most likely die single.
Just a few things that'll make me say "no thanks" really quickly...
A non-smoker - I smoke. A LOT. I have no desire to spend my life worried about whether or not I'm making someone's clothing stink.
Insecurity - I have no desire to have to constantly reassure someone.
A liar - The smallest lie will do. I have no tolerance for it.
A non-driver - One in the family is more than plenty.
Being loud - Their voice shouldn't frighten me, and the neighbors should wonder whether we're home or away. Loud noises make me nuts.
The "they just don't want to work" welfare mind set - Not only will that turn me off, but I'll probably never speak to them again either.
Poor hygiene - I should see you before I smell you... and if I want to pass out while close to you, I'm not going to be close to you.
Constant lateness - It's one of my main yardsticks for caring.
Disregard for the law - Don't even speed.
Virginity - There's just one place I have no desire to play teacher.
oh... and honestly?
I prefer to have been in High School around the same time as they were, so being born between 1964 and 1974 is preferable... but I can stretch it a few years, depending on the person.
p.s. - not tipping will do it for me too. If you can't tip, don't go out.
p.p.s. - Dependency! That's a big one, and I thought I'd listed it above.
p.p.p.s. - I really could go on for hours... like I said, "eternally single" would sum it up nicely.
Just a few things that'll make me say "no thanks" really quickly...
A non-smoker - I smoke. A LOT. I have no desire to spend my life worried about whether or not I'm making someone's clothing stink.
Insecurity - I have no desire to have to constantly reassure someone.
A liar - The smallest lie will do. I have no tolerance for it.
A non-driver - One in the family is more than plenty.
Being loud - Their voice shouldn't frighten me, and the neighbors should wonder whether we're home or away. Loud noises make me nuts.
The "they just don't want to work" welfare mind set - Not only will that turn me off, but I'll probably never speak to them again either.
Poor hygiene - I should see you before I smell you... and if I want to pass out while close to you, I'm not going to be close to you.
Constant lateness - It's one of my main yardsticks for caring.
Disregard for the law - Don't even speed.
Virginity - There's just one place I have no desire to play teacher.
oh... and honestly?
I prefer to have been in High School around the same time as they were, so being born between 1964 and 1974 is preferable... but I can stretch it a few years, depending on the person.
p.s. - not tipping will do it for me too. If you can't tip, don't go out.
p.p.s. - Dependency! That's a big one, and I thought I'd listed it above.
p.p.p.s. - I really could go on for hours... like I said, "eternally single" would sum it up nicely.
Sunday, July 28, 2002
(more than words)
Well... all Helen Keller had were words, really... I think that her world was pretty real... True, she had some touch and smell and taste... but then...
There are, actually, more than words here. When you get to know someone, you do get to know what their words mean... personalities emerge... There are also a few "empaths" on the board.
I think that we're down to something like 28 members... I'm not yet sure if that number will drop even further. With the ones that remain though... we're all very different people. We don't have identical lives, amounts of energy, time, or ways of speaking/typing. I can post rules and ask people to follow them, but those rules are there as "guidelines", not as do or die statements. We've all broken those rules at one time or another. Everyone has a bad day. We all get ticked off now and again. We all trip over our egos now and again.
With banning people, I don't ban them for no reason... but more than that, I don't even ban them for breaking a rule. Again, we've all broken at least one of the rules at least once. When I ban someone it's because not only have they broken the rules repeatedly, but their actions equate to this wonderful emoticon:
When you see that a person is infuriated beyond belief, then is not the time to keep pushing them. Speaking of the rules, my saying "If I ask you to stop doing something, stop doing it." ties in with this. It's rare that I angrily ask a person to stop doing something. By the time I say something like "Start posting or get the hell off my board!", or "Stop being such a fucking prick!", I'm beyond rational.
Whether or not I'm right... whether or not the person I'm talking to is right doesn't matter. When I ask you to stop doing something, stop doing it. Why? Because when a person is irrational, they can't reason. If you attempt to argue with an irrational person, and they have the keys to the ban button, you're doing nothing other than begging to be banned. Best thing to do is to stop poking. Put the stick down and let the person collect themself. Apologize. Make nice. Then, when the person is rational again, address your issue a little differently, you might get better results. (If the person sees you with the same stick again, they're liable to beat you to death with it.)
You can't reason with someone who is foaming at the mouth, but if you wait until they stop foaming, it's highly possible that you'll be able to.
Yes, miscommunications happen very easily online... but it's usually obvious when a person is upset. Some of us are more prone to getting upset than others... especially those of us who love others on the board. "Love" makes a person vulnerable. The expectations go up... both offline and online.
My relationships with the members of this board vary, and so my "expectations" vary. With some, like T., I expect little. He was new. Same with someone like Kx. Although they're real to me, because I barely know them, I don't expect them to act in the same manner as say someone like RBW or (dad-unit). As well, my reactions to people leaving will vary. Sk. wanting to leave made me so upset I couldn't sleep. T. leaving, although it bothers me, will not cause me to react the same way.
We're all different. Our relationships vary, and our abilities vary. They vary from person to person, and vary day to day. I'm not unaware of that... but I do hope/expect to be treated like Helen Keller. I'll go the extra mile to learn how to communicate online with you because I want to communicate with you, and if you desire to communicate with me, you'll go the extra mile to learn how to communicate with me. If we do that... I think that it ends up being pretty darn real.
There are, actually, more than words here. When you get to know someone, you do get to know what their words mean... personalities emerge... There are also a few "empaths" on the board.
I think that we're down to something like 28 members... I'm not yet sure if that number will drop even further. With the ones that remain though... we're all very different people. We don't have identical lives, amounts of energy, time, or ways of speaking/typing. I can post rules and ask people to follow them, but those rules are there as "guidelines", not as do or die statements. We've all broken those rules at one time or another. Everyone has a bad day. We all get ticked off now and again. We all trip over our egos now and again.
With banning people, I don't ban them for no reason... but more than that, I don't even ban them for breaking a rule. Again, we've all broken at least one of the rules at least once. When I ban someone it's because not only have they broken the rules repeatedly, but their actions equate to this wonderful emoticon:
When you see that a person is infuriated beyond belief, then is not the time to keep pushing them. Speaking of the rules, my saying "If I ask you to stop doing something, stop doing it." ties in with this. It's rare that I angrily ask a person to stop doing something. By the time I say something like "Start posting or get the hell off my board!", or "Stop being such a fucking prick!", I'm beyond rational.
Whether or not I'm right... whether or not the person I'm talking to is right doesn't matter. When I ask you to stop doing something, stop doing it. Why? Because when a person is irrational, they can't reason. If you attempt to argue with an irrational person, and they have the keys to the ban button, you're doing nothing other than begging to be banned. Best thing to do is to stop poking. Put the stick down and let the person collect themself. Apologize. Make nice. Then, when the person is rational again, address your issue a little differently, you might get better results. (If the person sees you with the same stick again, they're liable to beat you to death with it.)
You can't reason with someone who is foaming at the mouth, but if you wait until they stop foaming, it's highly possible that you'll be able to.
Yes, miscommunications happen very easily online... but it's usually obvious when a person is upset. Some of us are more prone to getting upset than others... especially those of us who love others on the board. "Love" makes a person vulnerable. The expectations go up... both offline and online.
My relationships with the members of this board vary, and so my "expectations" vary. With some, like T., I expect little. He was new. Same with someone like Kx. Although they're real to me, because I barely know them, I don't expect them to act in the same manner as say someone like RBW or (dad-unit). As well, my reactions to people leaving will vary. Sk. wanting to leave made me so upset I couldn't sleep. T. leaving, although it bothers me, will not cause me to react the same way.
We're all different. Our relationships vary, and our abilities vary. They vary from person to person, and vary day to day. I'm not unaware of that... but I do hope/expect to be treated like Helen Keller. I'll go the extra mile to learn how to communicate online with you because I want to communicate with you, and if you desire to communicate with me, you'll go the extra mile to learn how to communicate with me. If we do that... I think that it ends up being pretty darn real.
Wednesday, July 24, 2002
(Board admin. mistakes?)
I think that my biggest mistake was attempting to administrate as "Follows Ravens". I should have just posted as FR and made up another name to administrate with. Too damn honest.
Tuesday, July 23, 2002
When you love somebody
When you love somebody, and they say "I love you too", the expectations go up.
When you bare your soul to them, you expect them to keep that in mind... if they love you.
When you call someone "family", it means something. It means that there's "love" there.
If you tell a person who says "I love you", "Don't take my picture, I have severe psychotic reactions to it." and they take your picture repeatedly...
If you tell a person who says "I love you" that they're not paying attention and forgetting things is ripping you apart, and they still don't try...
If you tell a person who says "I love you" how much work you've put into a relationship, and then they tell you you're not working hard enough when you're struggling to the point of dropping dead...
If you tell a person who says "I love you" that just being around is all you need, and then they go away...
If you tell a person that you love them, they say "I love you too" and then they lie to you...
It hurts.
I know that people don't see what goes on behind a lot of my choices and actions (on my board)... but it has to do with a few simple words.
"love"
"family"
and "I care."
When you bare your soul to them, you expect them to keep that in mind... if they love you.
When you call someone "family", it means something. It means that there's "love" there.
If you tell a person who says "I love you", "Don't take my picture, I have severe psychotic reactions to it." and they take your picture repeatedly...
If you tell a person who says "I love you" that they're not paying attention and forgetting things is ripping you apart, and they still don't try...
If you tell a person who says "I love you" how much work you've put into a relationship, and then they tell you you're not working hard enough when you're struggling to the point of dropping dead...
If you tell a person who says "I love you" that just being around is all you need, and then they go away...
If you tell a person that you love them, they say "I love you too" and then they lie to you...
It hurts.
I know that people don't see what goes on behind a lot of my choices and actions (on my board)... but it has to do with a few simple words.
"love"
"family"
and "I care."
(Smokers?)
First:
Do YOU smoke- and if so, How long have you been a smoker? What got you to start smoking- and have you ever tried to stop? (Or want to)
Yes, I do smoke. I've smoked since about the age of 12 (20 years or so), but didn't become a hard core smoker until I was about 14.
I quit smoking once.
It was the worst 8 hours of my life.
Seriously though, other than sleeping, and the times where I was in the hospital and not allowed to smoke, I only once considered quitting. It was because my girlfirend hated it. I lasted a few hours, then came to my senses.
If you love me, you love a smoker.
Aside from that, the only reason I occasionally consider quitting is the price... but in truth, I'll be a homeless smoker before I quit. Smoking is one of the few things that I actually enjoy in this life... there's no way I'll stop doing one of the few things which brings me any happiness.
On the health angle... if it hurts, I won't do it.
Second:
If you do not smoke- does it bother you to be around a smoker/ could you stand to have a smoker as your life-mate? Is there a reason why you would never smoke or do not smoke?
To address the "second hand smoke" issue...
It even bothers me. There's something about second hand smoke that's a lot worse than the actual smoking of the cigarette. I try to respect people's space. (I even have a non-smoking room in my apt.)
Do YOU smoke- and if so, How long have you been a smoker? What got you to start smoking- and have you ever tried to stop? (Or want to)
Yes, I do smoke. I've smoked since about the age of 12 (20 years or so), but didn't become a hard core smoker until I was about 14.
I quit smoking once.
It was the worst 8 hours of my life.
Seriously though, other than sleeping, and the times where I was in the hospital and not allowed to smoke, I only once considered quitting. It was because my girlfirend hated it. I lasted a few hours, then came to my senses.
If you love me, you love a smoker.
Aside from that, the only reason I occasionally consider quitting is the price... but in truth, I'll be a homeless smoker before I quit. Smoking is one of the few things that I actually enjoy in this life... there's no way I'll stop doing one of the few things which brings me any happiness.
On the health angle... if it hurts, I won't do it.
Second:
If you do not smoke- does it bother you to be around a smoker/ could you stand to have a smoker as your life-mate? Is there a reason why you would never smoke or do not smoke?
To address the "second hand smoke" issue...
It even bothers me. There's something about second hand smoke that's a lot worse than the actual smoking of the cigarette. I try to respect people's space. (I even have a non-smoking room in my apt.)
(The soul of the matter)
1) Do you believe in the concept of "soul"?
Yes, I believe in the "concept". Then, I'm weird like that... I believe in everything, and nothing, all at once. There's really not concrete proof that there is a soul, but if there's not, then... what am I? Where am I? If I'm just a brain... I can't be just a brain...
If I think too much on it, I get closer to the ugly side of "insanity".
2) If so, where does the "soul" reside? Is it in your consciousness or in your brain, or maybe it's in your body...or maybe it's a combination of these things. Maybe your soul needs your brain and body in order to be YOUR soul...if your body or brain dies, is your soul gone or is it still there?
If there actually is a soul, then it resides... well... everywhere. It just chooses to stay in a specific body in order to best do what it must do.
3) If you could live forever but lose your soul, would you? (Ah-ha, this relates back to vampires no?)
I don't think that if there is a soul, that you could "lose" it. You ARE your soul. If YOU leave the body you chose to occupy, that's one thing... but you'd still be you. It's your body that would change... and it wouldn't be yours anymore. (...along the lines of moving/relocating to a new home.)
Hope that made some sort of sense.
Yes, I believe in the "concept". Then, I'm weird like that... I believe in everything, and nothing, all at once. There's really not concrete proof that there is a soul, but if there's not, then... what am I? Where am I? If I'm just a brain... I can't be just a brain...
If I think too much on it, I get closer to the ugly side of "insanity".
2) If so, where does the "soul" reside? Is it in your consciousness or in your brain, or maybe it's in your body...or maybe it's a combination of these things. Maybe your soul needs your brain and body in order to be YOUR soul...if your body or brain dies, is your soul gone or is it still there?
If there actually is a soul, then it resides... well... everywhere. It just chooses to stay in a specific body in order to best do what it must do.
3) If you could live forever but lose your soul, would you? (Ah-ha, this relates back to vampires no?)
I don't think that if there is a soul, that you could "lose" it. You ARE your soul. If YOU leave the body you chose to occupy, that's one thing... but you'd still be you. It's your body that would change... and it wouldn't be yours anymore. (...along the lines of moving/relocating to a new home.)
Hope that made some sort of sense.
(about online communication)
Everyone speaks their own language. The way we phrase things is based on who we are attempting to address. If you're not going to reply, people don't have to "speak your language", so to speak.
If I'm addressing 30 people, I have to phrase things 30 ways, sometimes. If I'm addressing 1, sometimes all I have to do is grunt and it's understood.
If I'm addressing 30 people, I have to phrase things 30 ways, sometimes. If I'm addressing 1, sometimes all I have to do is grunt and it's understood.
Monday, July 22, 2002
mood this - and add it to your tally
10:55 - I just wanted to share some last thoughts with you. I debated even posting this, but... fuck it. I'm pissed, I'm allowed to be pissed, and I'm allowed to express that I'm pissed. Yes, I'll get over it. I usually do... but I'm not ending this with allowing you to be a complete prick and me being silent.
9:15 pm
I'm staring at the screen, unable to form words that accurately convey what I'm feeling.
The word "Unfuckingbelievable" came to mind.
Banning you came to mind.
Leaving it up to someone else to say something to you crossed my mind, but that didn't work the last time.
Taking 9 hours to address you seems a bit pointless. It doesn't matter what I write, it doesn't matter.
Some insults came to mind.
I'm tired. Above all else, I'm tired.
9:45 pm
Do you REALLY think that I give a rat's ass how you feel about (dad-unit)? Do you thnk I care whether or not you, or ANYONE else here likes him, you pretentious, self-centered egotistical fuck!? I've spent the last 33 years attempting to get someone to make a fucking effort in my life, and you think that "because you like him" I'm going to alter whatever I'm doing to suit you?!?!?! Who the FUCK do you think you are!?!?!?!
Do the math, asshole! I have MPD! He's my FUCKING DAD!!!! What sort of a complete DICK are you?!?! Do you have ANY clue how much it even took me to get where I am with him now!?!?!
Do you think that ANYTHING that happens on this board even COMPARES to what role (dad-unit) plays in my life?!?!?! HE FUCKING LIVES IN ISRAEL. ALL I HAVE IS "ONLINE"... HE'S NOT POSTING!!!!!! How much time have I spent talking to you about doing whatever I can to get him to come home? Did you conveniently FORGET all that?! He's NOT here. He's STILL there... and I don't even get to read his fucking posts!!! Do you REALLY think for a MINUTE that I want to tell him that I have to delete him?!?!??!
Can't you just fucking THINK?!?!
Here's a good definition of "family"...
People I'll kill over.
10:15 pm
I wonder if I should not post for a few days. I wonder how happy it'll make you... how you'll feel and react.
I don't know if I can post this. People might get the wrong impression of (dad-unit)... about the past stuff, I mean. Yes, he fucked up. He admitted he fucked up... we've spent YEARS working on most of that shit... but if you envision the worst case scenario, it's off. He didn't, well... you know... do anything like that. This isn't where I want to go into my shit though. I just don't want people to get the wrong idea.
10:45
Give A. my regards.
This topic is now closed (with permission)
J., thanks for the attempted help.
RBW, feel free to start a new topic... if necessary... and thanks for letting me lock up this one.
11:10 PM
I hope that he figures out that all he has to do to read is logout.
By the way, it's the same with "deleted" members. Being deleted means that you just have to reapply to post. You can still read.
Ah well, whatever.
I'm done being treated like crap.
p.s. -
and THANK YOU TOO RBW
thanks to everyone who tried to help.
9:15 pm
I'm staring at the screen, unable to form words that accurately convey what I'm feeling.
The word "Unfuckingbelievable" came to mind.
Banning you came to mind.
Leaving it up to someone else to say something to you crossed my mind, but that didn't work the last time.
Taking 9 hours to address you seems a bit pointless. It doesn't matter what I write, it doesn't matter.
Some insults came to mind.
I'm tired. Above all else, I'm tired.
9:45 pm
Do you REALLY think that I give a rat's ass how you feel about (dad-unit)? Do you thnk I care whether or not you, or ANYONE else here likes him, you pretentious, self-centered egotistical fuck!? I've spent the last 33 years attempting to get someone to make a fucking effort in my life, and you think that "because you like him" I'm going to alter whatever I'm doing to suit you?!?!?! Who the FUCK do you think you are!?!?!?!
Do the math, asshole! I have MPD! He's my FUCKING DAD!!!! What sort of a complete DICK are you?!?! Do you have ANY clue how much it even took me to get where I am with him now!?!?!
Do you think that ANYTHING that happens on this board even COMPARES to what role (dad-unit) plays in my life?!?!?! HE FUCKING LIVES IN ISRAEL. ALL I HAVE IS "ONLINE"... HE'S NOT POSTING!!!!!! How much time have I spent talking to you about doing whatever I can to get him to come home? Did you conveniently FORGET all that?! He's NOT here. He's STILL there... and I don't even get to read his fucking posts!!! Do you REALLY think for a MINUTE that I want to tell him that I have to delete him?!?!??!
Can't you just fucking THINK?!?!
Here's a good definition of "family"...
People I'll kill over.
10:15 pm
I wonder if I should not post for a few days. I wonder how happy it'll make you... how you'll feel and react.
I don't know if I can post this. People might get the wrong impression of (dad-unit)... about the past stuff, I mean. Yes, he fucked up. He admitted he fucked up... we've spent YEARS working on most of that shit... but if you envision the worst case scenario, it's off. He didn't, well... you know... do anything like that. This isn't where I want to go into my shit though. I just don't want people to get the wrong idea.
10:45
Give A. my regards.
This topic is now closed (with permission)
J., thanks for the attempted help.
RBW, feel free to start a new topic... if necessary... and thanks for letting me lock up this one.
11:10 PM
I hope that he figures out that all he has to do to read is logout.
By the way, it's the same with "deleted" members. Being deleted means that you just have to reapply to post. You can still read.
Ah well, whatever.
I'm done being treated like crap.
p.s. -
and THANK YOU TOO RBW
thanks to everyone who tried to help.
(How was my day? 1)
It seems that people are still "unhappy" with things... and still confused. I'm just trying to make people like the board more.
(As for what I did today...)
I spent a good portion of the day thinking about that.
I also repotted Harold and Boris. (My plants)
I signed up for new long distance service.
I took the trash out, and got my mail... and I got a shower.
I watched some tv
I talked on the phone
I stared at the walls
My brain (on a scale of 1-10) was about a 4. Not too good.
My day was "ok".
(As for what I did today...)
I spent a good portion of the day thinking about that.
I also repotted Harold and Boris. (My plants)
I signed up for new long distance service.
I took the trash out, and got my mail... and I got a shower.
I watched some tv
I talked on the phone
I stared at the walls
My brain (on a scale of 1-10) was about a 4. Not too good.
My day was "ok".
Thought I'd mentioned it...
I know I made reference to having blood relatives on the board in the rules, but... The whole "play nice means play nice" thing... it's supposed to mean, treat everyone with respect. If you don't, it's like the proverbial insulting of one's momma. It hits a nerve in a place where no one in their right mind wants to go without carrying a gun. Know what I mean? sort of a... "I can bitch about my family, but you'd better not or I'll shoot you" type of thing.
I really suck at expressing myself these days.
I'll try again...
"play nice means play nice" implies that if you don't, I'll take the way you're treating someone the same way "you" would if I insulted your mother. If someone insults a person on this board whom I consider "family", it's the same thing... whether or not I'm a blood relative. By not naming names, I attempted to imply that EVERYONE should be treated with the utmost respect.
Hope that makes a little sense.
I really suck at expressing myself these days.
I'll try again...
"play nice means play nice" implies that if you don't, I'll take the way you're treating someone the same way "you" would if I insulted your mother. If someone insults a person on this board whom I consider "family", it's the same thing... whether or not I'm a blood relative. By not naming names, I attempted to imply that EVERYONE should be treated with the utmost respect.
Hope that makes a little sense.
Sunday, July 21, 2002
(family?)
BSRP -
I don't mind that you got upset. It's ok to get upset. (Better out than in!) It wasn't my intention to upset you, but I'd much rather you express yourself if I do than not say anything. I'm trying to get people to not walk away here... I want people to post.
Yes, the word "family" is tossed around a lot. In some cases, I feel that it's accurate. In others, it infuriates me.
For example, T. recently posted a question about its use, and I replied. In it, he said, "please appreciate that I do not and will not seek an on-line family substitute. Friends, yes. Family, no." Part of my reply was, "my primary issue with the "family" thing is that when people repeatedly call the members on this board "family", or "friend", it should actually mean something"
In the same day, later on, H. went into T.'s hello thread and said "Welcome to the family".
(My translation: Hi stranger! Don't expect me to actually read your posts, but I'll do my best to pretend to love you!) Great message to send a new member.
I was so pissed that I think that I was laughing. "Unfuckingbelievable" was pretty much the word that came to mind.
I didn't post in T.'s hello thread... didn't want to crash it. As well, I'm scared to post here, singling out H.... but you know what... if I don't, and I post a general thread asking people to PLEASE READ what's on the board, then I'll have most of the people on the board feeling like you felt... like I'm addressing them, even if I'm not.
I don't know... I don't know whether to single people out, or try not to. It seems that either way, I end up hurting someone... and looking/feeling like a complete asshole.
Here's another point about "family". I have 3 people on this board that I am related to (in the Webster's sense of the word); My sister, my brother, and my dad-unit.
With my brother, he's always made it clear, to me and to the members of the board, that he is who he is... that posting borders on feeling like getting a paper cut most days. That he doesn't post a lot will never change. I'll always call him family. He's my brother. Should you folks call him "family"? Should he call you "family"? Nope. He doesn't post enough, really. People here barely know him. I'll never "delete" him though. He's family to me, and he does try. That makes him an exception.
I'm probably going to end up deleting my sister, and my dad-unit, if they don't get their butts here and say peep soon. They're "family" to me because of blood and marriages, but to me, "family" also means caring enough to make an effort. Their not posting, combined with a strained offline relationship has brought me to the point of saying "Au revoir", in so far as this board is concerned. At least my brother tries; he reads, he posts every now and again. ("dad-unit") disappeared after professing to really love this board. (sister), because of her life, simply has no time... but... there's only a certain amount of months that can go by before "no time" becomes an excuse rather than the truth.
That said... If I'd delete my own "real life" family members, why in hell should I do any different with people who do the same thing that I've never even gone to a funeral with, y'know?
Is H. someone I'd call "family"? Nope. Am I deleting her? Nope. She just posted recently, so I won't... but... that doesn't change the fact that I don't see her as family. Her referring to me/us as "family" is actually insulting... in the same way (sister) and ("dad-unit") not posting is. If "family" is the way you see me, treat me as such... if you can't treat me as such don't use the word. That "word" carries weight. If you use it, you get my hopes up. All of a sudden, I expect you to show me that you care... in a way that I can understand that you care.
The reason I don't see H. as family is because... well... I really don't know her. I've never had the chance to get to know her. Would I like to get to know her? YES! That's why I hit the "approve" button when her named popped up as requesting membership... but... I don't. Why? She doesn't read enough, and doesn't post enough. That could change, but as of now... that's the way I see it. Maybe my seeing it that way (and expressing it here) will hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings... but... the alternative is to keep my mouth shut and allow my own feelings to be hurt over and over again.
The same with you. I REALLY want to get to know you better. From our history, between chats, posts, and e-mails, I know you a little. Can I call you "family"? Only loosely. I simply don't know you as well as all that. Why? ummmm... you don't post much... and we don't go to the same funerals.
Do I want to?
ABSOLUTELY.
11:39 AM
BSRP - I just hope that you end up feeling a bit better about things.
J. - I consider you "family".
CB... I saved this last night, and posted what I did to you instead of "snapping" with this post.
This was my original response:
CB...
I spent a REALLY long time on that post. 9 HOURS, between the thinking and the typing and the editing and the rephrasing... Your only posting those 3 sentences was insulting to me.
The only thing running through my mind right now is "why the fuck did I bother?"
To which you'll reply all about how no matter what you do, it's not good enough.
I can't win.
Is there anyone here who can possibly explain to CB why his response was completely insulting? Is there anyone here who could possibly explain to me how I'm not supposed to be insulted by it? Can anyone just pretend they're CB for a bit and respond to what I posted?
3:34 PM
It's been about 4 hours... I've done good... not saying anything... not even hinting at the fact that I'm past angry.
I'm still not "calm".
I'm going to say something... and I'm going to do my best to not break laws, and to make sure things are as clear as possible before I turn it over to RBW, who just had to endure quite a bit of my foaming at the mouth. Because I'm completely hostile, no matter how calm I seem, I'd rather she "speak for me". If I attempt to express myself, I'll suffer for it.
1) You completely overstepped your bounds.
2) FOR YOU... NEVER overstep them again.
3) It's apparent you don't know me at all. If you have any interest in ever getting to know me... stop thinking that we have all that much in common.
WE DON'T.
I'll now go back to seeming like I'm calm about the whole thing.
I don't mind that you got upset. It's ok to get upset. (Better out than in!) It wasn't my intention to upset you, but I'd much rather you express yourself if I do than not say anything. I'm trying to get people to not walk away here... I want people to post.
Yes, the word "family" is tossed around a lot. In some cases, I feel that it's accurate. In others, it infuriates me.
For example, T. recently posted a question about its use, and I replied. In it, he said, "please appreciate that I do not and will not seek an on-line family substitute. Friends, yes. Family, no." Part of my reply was, "my primary issue with the "family" thing is that when people repeatedly call the members on this board "family", or "friend", it should actually mean something"
In the same day, later on, H. went into T.'s hello thread and said "Welcome to the family".
(My translation: Hi stranger! Don't expect me to actually read your posts, but I'll do my best to pretend to love you!) Great message to send a new member.
I was so pissed that I think that I was laughing. "Unfuckingbelievable" was pretty much the word that came to mind.
I didn't post in T.'s hello thread... didn't want to crash it. As well, I'm scared to post here, singling out H.... but you know what... if I don't, and I post a general thread asking people to PLEASE READ what's on the board, then I'll have most of the people on the board feeling like you felt... like I'm addressing them, even if I'm not.
I don't know... I don't know whether to single people out, or try not to. It seems that either way, I end up hurting someone... and looking/feeling like a complete asshole.
Here's another point about "family". I have 3 people on this board that I am related to (in the Webster's sense of the word); My sister, my brother, and my dad-unit.
With my brother, he's always made it clear, to me and to the members of the board, that he is who he is... that posting borders on feeling like getting a paper cut most days. That he doesn't post a lot will never change. I'll always call him family. He's my brother. Should you folks call him "family"? Should he call you "family"? Nope. He doesn't post enough, really. People here barely know him. I'll never "delete" him though. He's family to me, and he does try. That makes him an exception.
I'm probably going to end up deleting my sister, and my dad-unit, if they don't get their butts here and say peep soon. They're "family" to me because of blood and marriages, but to me, "family" also means caring enough to make an effort. Their not posting, combined with a strained offline relationship has brought me to the point of saying "Au revoir", in so far as this board is concerned. At least my brother tries; he reads, he posts every now and again. ("dad-unit") disappeared after professing to really love this board. (sister), because of her life, simply has no time... but... there's only a certain amount of months that can go by before "no time" becomes an excuse rather than the truth.
That said... If I'd delete my own "real life" family members, why in hell should I do any different with people who do the same thing that I've never even gone to a funeral with, y'know?
Is H. someone I'd call "family"? Nope. Am I deleting her? Nope. She just posted recently, so I won't... but... that doesn't change the fact that I don't see her as family. Her referring to me/us as "family" is actually insulting... in the same way (sister) and ("dad-unit") not posting is. If "family" is the way you see me, treat me as such... if you can't treat me as such don't use the word. That "word" carries weight. If you use it, you get my hopes up. All of a sudden, I expect you to show me that you care... in a way that I can understand that you care.
The reason I don't see H. as family is because... well... I really don't know her. I've never had the chance to get to know her. Would I like to get to know her? YES! That's why I hit the "approve" button when her named popped up as requesting membership... but... I don't. Why? She doesn't read enough, and doesn't post enough. That could change, but as of now... that's the way I see it. Maybe my seeing it that way (and expressing it here) will hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings... but... the alternative is to keep my mouth shut and allow my own feelings to be hurt over and over again.
The same with you. I REALLY want to get to know you better. From our history, between chats, posts, and e-mails, I know you a little. Can I call you "family"? Only loosely. I simply don't know you as well as all that. Why? ummmm... you don't post much... and we don't go to the same funerals.
Do I want to?
ABSOLUTELY.
11:39 AM
BSRP - I just hope that you end up feeling a bit better about things.
J. - I consider you "family".
CB... I saved this last night, and posted what I did to you instead of "snapping" with this post.
This was my original response:
CB...
I spent a REALLY long time on that post. 9 HOURS, between the thinking and the typing and the editing and the rephrasing... Your only posting those 3 sentences was insulting to me.
The only thing running through my mind right now is "why the fuck did I bother?"
To which you'll reply all about how no matter what you do, it's not good enough.
I can't win.
Is there anyone here who can possibly explain to CB why his response was completely insulting? Is there anyone here who could possibly explain to me how I'm not supposed to be insulted by it? Can anyone just pretend they're CB for a bit and respond to what I posted?
3:34 PM
It's been about 4 hours... I've done good... not saying anything... not even hinting at the fact that I'm past angry.
I'm still not "calm".
I'm going to say something... and I'm going to do my best to not break laws, and to make sure things are as clear as possible before I turn it over to RBW, who just had to endure quite a bit of my foaming at the mouth. Because I'm completely hostile, no matter how calm I seem, I'd rather she "speak for me". If I attempt to express myself, I'll suffer for it.
1) You completely overstepped your bounds.
2) FOR YOU... NEVER overstep them again.
3) It's apparent you don't know me at all. If you have any interest in ever getting to know me... stop thinking that we have all that much in common.
WE DON'T.
I'll now go back to seeming like I'm calm about the whole thing.
Saturday, July 20, 2002
(about "intelligence")
The first thing that popped into my head when I read your post, T., was, "Stupid is as stupid does".
Leave it to a movie character to sum up a thought.
I don't know that a degree is an accurate measure of anything other than either 1) the ability to pay or 2) the fact that one is currently in debt, these days. I think that at one point it actually was a good measure of something... but even then, that something was probably more related to social class than to intelligence.
I think that Artists do actually rank high... it's just that 1% of the artists get 99% of the money, and the other 99% get 1%. Check in with Michael Jackson and Sir Paul... I don't think they'd agree about the dollar value. (and if they do, please slap the living shit out of them for me) People pour billions into the Arts, and the artists... it's just a bit unbalanced.
"I have yet to meet a "stupid" person, or indeed any person from whom I have not been able to learn."
I have met many "stupid people". Can I learn from them? Sure. I can learn from a rock too, but that doesn't make the rock "intelligent"... in fact, I think that might just make me intelligent.
University titles don't impress me. I've met stupid doctors and stupid lawyers... I've even met stupid MENSA members.
I'm sure that we all have our own unique way of determining what "smart" and "dumb" are... and that there are quite a few University recognized definitions of "Intelligence"... but what it all boils down to, I think, is whether or not the "observer" feels challenged or bored from their interactions with the person.
If you bore me, I'm likely to think you "dull" or "dimwitted". If you challenge me, I'm likely to find you "brilliant" or "fascinating". Smart = my brain is working to keep up and process. Dumb = wake me up when you're through. (not entirely accurate... just attempting to describe it somehow.)
Perhaps, by definition, the way I define "intelligence" is incorrect... but then... I tend to think of myself as more intelligent than whoever came up with the definition in the first place.
Leave it to a movie character to sum up a thought.
I don't know that a degree is an accurate measure of anything other than either 1) the ability to pay or 2) the fact that one is currently in debt, these days. I think that at one point it actually was a good measure of something... but even then, that something was probably more related to social class than to intelligence.
I think that Artists do actually rank high... it's just that 1% of the artists get 99% of the money, and the other 99% get 1%. Check in with Michael Jackson and Sir Paul... I don't think they'd agree about the dollar value. (and if they do, please slap the living shit out of them for me) People pour billions into the Arts, and the artists... it's just a bit unbalanced.
"I have yet to meet a "stupid" person, or indeed any person from whom I have not been able to learn."
I have met many "stupid people". Can I learn from them? Sure. I can learn from a rock too, but that doesn't make the rock "intelligent"... in fact, I think that might just make me intelligent.
University titles don't impress me. I've met stupid doctors and stupid lawyers... I've even met stupid MENSA members.
I'm sure that we all have our own unique way of determining what "smart" and "dumb" are... and that there are quite a few University recognized definitions of "Intelligence"... but what it all boils down to, I think, is whether or not the "observer" feels challenged or bored from their interactions with the person.
If you bore me, I'm likely to think you "dull" or "dimwitted". If you challenge me, I'm likely to find you "brilliant" or "fascinating". Smart = my brain is working to keep up and process. Dumb = wake me up when you're through. (not entirely accurate... just attempting to describe it somehow.)
Perhaps, by definition, the way I define "intelligence" is incorrect... but then... I tend to think of myself as more intelligent than whoever came up with the definition in the first place.
Friday, July 19, 2002
("Attitude Adjustment" - a LONG board rant)
Yes, I'm replying to CB, but A LOT of this applies to many others on the board. I hope that people will take the time to read through this post in its entirety.
ok... I'll try to cover everything here... but if I skip over something, just let me know.
Although I was in a "bad mood", what put me in that bad mood were the goings on, or lack thereof, here. Your posting clandestine insults all over the board just makes me pissed at you, CB. It won't solve anything. Banning you won't solve anything either. I know, you were pissed, and that's what you do when you're pissed... I just don't want you to stay pissed.
On that note, I was pissed. Foaming at the mouth and telling people to wake the hell up or leave is often what I do when I get pissed. My problem is that I should have singled people out, rather than seeming to address everyone. I did try to point out to whom I was speaking, if you read the original post, but apparently, and as usual, I didn't do a good enough job of it. Most of the people who responded to the post were people I had no problem with at all. On the good side though, it's nice to see people posting. ...however, I'm thinking... if people can manage to post as much as they have over the last 2 days because I finally blow up, is blowing up all that works? I have tried over the last few months, in ways which aren't "blowing up", and I watched the post count continue to drop. The only time it shot up was when I blew up at A. I think that it really sucks that I have to get to the point of wanting to close the board again before people put out the effort to post.
I don't think that you don't care, CB. My problem is that the only time you start posting as often as you can is when you get pissed at me, or when I blow up. So, despite that in my gut I know that you care, your actions say otherwise, and so I begin to doubt it.
People aren't posting enough. There are 37 members. Only about 15 of them are posting enough. On top of that, it's not just YOU, CB. You don't head the list of people I wish would post more. In fact, you're not even anywhere near the top. As well, it's not just about posting enough, it's about caring about the people on this board... NOT JUST ME. It's not a matter of time, number of posts, or how long you've managed to stay on the board without my deleting you for being inactive. It's about people's priorities, really. I'm not satisfied being someone's "just thought I'd drop in and say hi to all my good buddies" person. If someone is your pal, e-mail them. This is an online "community", not a place to drop in when you're bored or when you have a second to beg for some attention.
Out of the people listed as members, what ticks me off about those that caused me to post what I did varies. It varies from person to person. With some, it's not posting, with others, it's disrespecting others, and with yet others it's lying and "psy-vamping". When I finally "blow" my head is just not in the space to sit down and construct a long, calm, well thought out post addressing each individual member... and even if it were, judging by past experience, no one would read it anyway, except for the people I have no problem with in the first place, and they'd somehow manage to take it personally. (It's a natural reaction, it's not that I'm blaming them.)
In an older thread, I brought up opening up the board... listing it with (our host's) search feature BECAUSE PEOPLE WEREN'T POSTING. In my recent thread, I blew up and threatened to lock the board down BECAUSE PEOPLE WEREN'T POSTING. You can't see the link?
I didn't suggest closing the board off to my "friends". It's not my "friends" I'm having a problem with. It's people who are proving to me that my definition of "friend" and theirs are completely different... and that I need to stop referring to a few people as such.
Although the post hit everyone, in the last day or so I've managed to e-mail just about everyone the thread was not directed towards and apologize for my fuck up. (I don't know if the e-mail got to them, as (our host's) e-mail function often falls short.) Still though, the majority of people the thread WAS directed towards have yet to say "boo!". That's fine, I'll give it a week, and then I'll delete them. At least I tried (although in trying I inadvertently bled all over everyone).
I never claimed not to be a Vampire (depending on one's definition). I do, however, try to work on some of the nastier aspects of being such.
I want what you're capable of giving, CB. I know that everyone is unique in how they express themselves. I don't want a certain amount of time, posts, or words. I want what a person is entitled to get from people who claim to care... apparent caring. If you feel that you are giving me that, and that your board habits are just fine, then you didn't need to take the blow up/post so personally... or maybe I should say, so angrily. I didn't ask for 10 hours a day... I asked for maybe an hour a week, unless something comes up, and then just post to let us know something came up if you can. If you already give that, why think that the post was addressed to you? My problem with you is that I like you too much, maybe. I always want more more more. You find time, every now and again, to post A LOT. Case in point, the last couple of days... then, you drift away. No, I don't mean that I don't understand that when life happens you have to attend to it, but it seems that the only time you really put out an effort is if I'm pissed, or if you're pissed.
I care a lot about my friends' "issues", but it's not for me to start topics about them. The thing with issues is that you can't do that. If you hit a nerve on the wrong day, it can get damn messy. If someone has an issue, it's up to them to bring it up on their own time, when they feel ready or able to discuss it. Should we tiptoe around one another's issues? To an extent, yes. If I know that you have an issue with Christians being stereotyped, it'd be completely uncaring of me to start a topic bashing Christians, or to bash Christians in a thread about, let's say, Christmas. As "friends" we need to be aware of one another's feelings and issues, and we need to go out of our way to not set one another off. If I know that person X has a problem with his big feet, what kind of an asshole would I be if I posted a topic about people with big feet being ugly to me? If person Y is struggling with PID, what kind of an asshole would I be if I decided to start a topic on how not to contract STDs? I can't bring up other people's issues, and I have to be careful that my posts don't inadvertently poke at them. If I don't know enough about what sets them off, there's too much of a risk. I don't like setting people off.
I don't expect people to start topics on MPD, gender issues, or anything else. What I do expect is for people to read mine, and for people to attempt to respect me.
The person I was referring in my previous reply, using "Obesity" as an example, does not post on this board, so that's a bad example... but... let's use ADD, which someone here has. Now, let's ask your question again. How many topics on this board are/were about ADD? Is that my fault? Is it my fault for not starting topics about other people's issues, disorders, raw nerves, etc.? If the topics were posted, I'd reply to them. If they're not, I have to assume that the person is not in a place to discuss it. If I had ADD myself, that's another story. As a person with ADD, I'm more likely to know what NOT to say, and less likely to offend others with ADD, simply because I know better. ADD is MY issue, so I should start topics about it when I need/want to.
This board will ALWAYS be full of topics having to do with "Gender issues". It's my board. There's one. N., sk., and now Kr. are trans. That makes 4.
How many Christians here?
How many Christian topics on the board?
Wait.. I hear a whole chorus of voices now... "I'd never post about that, that always gets people upset..." no... wait... "FR always blows up over that!!!"
ok, here we have a case... issues colliding. So, what to do.... I know, how about not posting any topics about what you care about? That makes sense to me!
NOT.
How about posting about it, just being careful how the post comes across? Mystic did a REALLY great post about her faith once... then it was destroyed because an uncaring person came along bashing nerves like they were baseballs. (Thread crash!) I blew up, but I didn't blow up about the fact that Christian things were being discussed. I blew up because a thread was crashed and MANY people were upset by someone who was paying more attention to their own personal agenda than 1) the original topic, 2) the topic originator (Mystic) and 3) the issues of many others on the board.
You say that the topics are slanted towards a specific audience... that's where you're a bit confused. I don't think that sk., N., or Kr. need to understand what it's like to have your whole life revolve around what is or isn't between your legs. Problem is, they're the only ones who reply (with few exceptions)... so I'm left to think that my actual "target audience", the other 30 or so members of this board, hasn't read a word I've said. So, I'll keep posting until I get my point across.
Audience aside... yes, I will post topics that interest me. I wish more people would start more topics about things that interest THEM.
I don't need people to agree with me, but knowing that people do is always a plus... it makes me feel a little less crazy, and not so alone. In so far as many of my topics are concerned though, I'm just as, if not more, interested in reading posts from people who DON'T. I need to learn, and I want to teach. I've NEVER kicked someone off of this board for disagreeing with me. I'd much rather post until our fingers fall off from debating the issue. One, or both of us might actually learn something.
A recent example is LO2's postings in my "Boys Don't Cry" thread. Did I get pissed because he disagreed with me, or with n. or sk., etc.? Nope. What he said upset me, but that wasn't why I blew up. I blew up because he crashed my thread. He did that by doing what was done in Mystic's thread before... and again, people seem to think that it's his opinion I have problems with as opposed to his actions. I blew up because a thread was crashed and MANY people were upset by someone who was paying more attention to their own personal agenda than 1) the original topic, 2) the topic originator (Myself) and 3) the issues of many others on the board.
CB, the ones who are active members ARE enough for me. I'm not deleting them, and I'm doing everything I can to make them feel appreciated. I ask for input, I read all their posts, I reply to most of them, I give ALL of my available time and energy to being here for them. I just want to stop sending out the message to the people I care about that people like, let's say, "N2" are just as important to me and worthy of valuing as a member. I'm sorry, but if a person can't manage to get here more than once a season, I can't exactly call them a dedicated "friend"... and I can't exactly feel ok about giving them the same amount of time as I do people who bend over backwards to be here. I'm not here to provide a service to the millions of people on the web. I'm here to attempt to form/maintain an online, tight community with others who desire the same.
It's not that I don't think that the people I'm done listing as members on the board aren't worthy of living... it's not that I'm saying that they all have to have as much time as I do... I'm saying that I want this board to be a tight community, comprised of people who will go that extra mile for one another.
I'm fine with people posting at the rate they're comfortable with. I'm not fine with people who are comfortable posting only to suit their needs, and not everyone else's. If you're not able to post, if the computer dies, if you're going in for surgery, if you're going on vacation, if your job is running you down, SAY SO. That's all. It's been done! It's NOT impossible to reassure those who care about you, and if you don't want to reassure people you claim to care about, I have to doubt just how much you actually do care. "Sharing is caring". (<---- gotta love a cheesy saying every now and again)
I don't force people to do anything. I just express myself when I'm upset... or, I try to. I think that waving my own posted rule about lurking for over 3 months is WAY not "forcing" anything.
I'm not asking you to get wrapped up in things that might drive you nuts if you thought about them too much, CB. Do something fluffy once a week (try an e-mode test, that's why I post them!) if that's all you can manage. It may be fluffy, but at least it lets people know that you're around. Post a topic in the "No Reply" section letting people know where you're at. Caring about people means understanding that your silence negatively affects them, and so doing your best to not negatively affect them. Shit, I got SO bad at keeping up with my e-mail, I created a board! NO! I'm not saying that you should create a board, or that you have the time to. What I'm saying is that what you do that is visible to the people around you, who care about you, makes a big difference to them. If a person silent, it's human nature to think the worst... especially on this board where most of us are plagued by insecurity.
You state, "It takes an amazing combination of time, energy, and inclination to get me to post. It's like a lunar eclipse, aligning all the elements. Posting here takes me away from things I should be doing, other things I want to be doing, NEED to be doing."
That's my point. I want to be, and I want others on this board to be considered worthy of something you NEED to be doing. Posting. If that's asking too much, then I'm sorry. I try not to ask much, but that's what a board exists on... people posting. If posting is something that you can't do, or something you feel that you don't need to do, that's fine... I just can't see you as a member of this board. The point of this board is to be a place where people who do need one another are here for one another. If you don't post, then you're not here. No one knows you're here unless you do.
I prefer your screaming rants. Biting sarcasm hurts, and doesn't say anything which I can understand. Screaming rants, at least, let me know what the actual problem might be. That aside though, being that it's a part of who you are, I can't exactly ask you to stop doing it. I can, however, say "ouch" and attempt to have you tell me.
I'm glad you told me.
No, J. didn't say that on the board. I'm glad she posted about the problem as well though. That gives her one more brownie point in my book. That's one more than the majority of people who were once posting here who just up and left, before AND after December 1, 2001.
If you read back, I've been rather tactful. Problem is, people don't seem to respond to tact. I thought it was pretty tactful to post a rule. It was also pretty tactful to post a reminder about the rules. It was also really tactful to post another reminder about the rules. It was also really tactful to send out an e-mail attempting to discuss the "eggshells". It was also pretty tactful to post a topic asking what people thought I should do in order to increase posting. It was also pretty tactful to post, even a rant, rather than just closing the board down and kicking people off.
Tact. I've looked it up.
Yes, the outburst did get results. The post count has more than doubled over the last 2 days... and FINALLY people are talking. I don't know that there's a better way. I've tried just about every way I possibly can come up with. If I scream, I shouldn't scream. If I don't, people drift away. It's a bit of a quandary.
You say, "I don't like pissing people off. I don't like being a prick. That's where we differ."
All I can say is that if you honestly think that, you have NO clue who I am at all. Yes, if someone hurts me first, I'm not as rough on myself when my actions cause some hurt. Do I mind that I "hurt" I.? Yes, I do. I don't like hurting people, even when I feel that my actions are justified. I think that what I did with I. was actually a whole hell of a lot nicer than what I should have done, actually. It's one of my flaws though... I let things go and let them go and let them go, then I blow up about something seemingly small. It usually makes me look like a pretty awful person, and I really hate that, but again, it's a no win situation.
What I'm about to post is a perfect example of a catch-22. If I don't post it, no one understands what I'm talking about. If I do, because of the nature of "psy-vamping", I look like a completely horrible person. Although it's tough for people to understand "psy-vamping", the best I can say is... you just know. If I had about 5 hours to talk individually with each one of you, I could explain it better... but unfortunately I don't. What happens in this sort of a "psy-vamp" is that someone posts something seemingly innocuous to the casual reader, but in truth, to the one person it's directed at, it's completely insulting and makes them feel like complete shit... and as well, because of it seeming to be innocuous, that one person can't say jack shit about it without seeming like a complete lunatic.
Because I. can't respond, I had my reservations about posting this, but see... that's the thing... her response would just be another psy-vamp. At this point, I can't take any more of it. I'm sufficiently drained.
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If I constantly pointed out to I. what she was doing, I'd be in the wrong. I'd either be too "nitpicky", or told that I was imagining things, or whatever. I had to keep my mouth shut. That's what happens when you deal with someone who is psy-vamping you. If you say something, you look like a fool. If you don't, you get drained until you drop dead or fight back. I didn't ban her, she left (again). Maybe what I said hurt her to the point of her leaving... but yes, what she has been doing hurt ME to the point of being ready to kick her out. She didn't attempt to discuss what I'd said, she posted her usual defensive excuses, stroked her ego, and then rather than even remotely validating what I'd said, or even just saying "ouch", she turned it around and tried to make it about her. All the she wanted at that moment was for me to say, "Wow, I. You're just SOOOO important, what with being a member of SUCH an important council and all. I'm SO sorry... you're perfect, don't change a thing... PLEASE don't leave... I take it all back... WAAAAAAAhhhhhh."
No fucking way. I'm done. I'm not going into the details about I.'s psy-vamping, or the fact that no matter how many times she says how much she cares, with VERY few exceptions, she's yet to even border on acting like it to me. I'm too empathic. I don't see lines, I see their intent. It's not that I presume to judge everyone's motives, but when they're THAT blatant, I'm sure as hell going to react to them after a while. Say whatever you want to say, but don't expect me to react to anything but what you actually mean. If I have doubts, I'll ask.
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back to the rest of the post...
As for A., she'll probably never see my viewpoint, but I would have gladly argued it for another year if that's what it would have taken to get to a better place with her. A. was banned because she broke the rules countless times. The last straw was her insulting RBW. There's a very visible rule about "playing nice" meaning "playing nice".
You can tell A., that her last setup/catch-22 was done really well. Now, every time I have to ask someone to leave the board because of breaking the rules, it's going to reaffirm her completely fucked up, hurtful, and damaging statement that I'm a back stabber, and it will also play on people's insecurities about trusting people/me over and over again. One giant "thanks a lot" goes out to A. I'm sure that people feel really free to post because of that statement.
I'm glad you're frustrated by me. No, not REALLY... but... I think that means that my actions and words affect you... which means that you care.. That you took the time to post your frustration also helps me to know you care. Thank you.
CB, your problems are your problems. The fact that other people have problems don't make yours any easier to deal with. Telling us about your problems might.
ok... I'll try to cover everything here... but if I skip over something, just let me know.
Although I was in a "bad mood", what put me in that bad mood were the goings on, or lack thereof, here. Your posting clandestine insults all over the board just makes me pissed at you, CB. It won't solve anything. Banning you won't solve anything either. I know, you were pissed, and that's what you do when you're pissed... I just don't want you to stay pissed.
On that note, I was pissed. Foaming at the mouth and telling people to wake the hell up or leave is often what I do when I get pissed. My problem is that I should have singled people out, rather than seeming to address everyone. I did try to point out to whom I was speaking, if you read the original post, but apparently, and as usual, I didn't do a good enough job of it. Most of the people who responded to the post were people I had no problem with at all. On the good side though, it's nice to see people posting. ...however, I'm thinking... if people can manage to post as much as they have over the last 2 days because I finally blow up, is blowing up all that works? I have tried over the last few months, in ways which aren't "blowing up", and I watched the post count continue to drop. The only time it shot up was when I blew up at A. I think that it really sucks that I have to get to the point of wanting to close the board again before people put out the effort to post.
I don't think that you don't care, CB. My problem is that the only time you start posting as often as you can is when you get pissed at me, or when I blow up. So, despite that in my gut I know that you care, your actions say otherwise, and so I begin to doubt it.
People aren't posting enough. There are 37 members. Only about 15 of them are posting enough. On top of that, it's not just YOU, CB. You don't head the list of people I wish would post more. In fact, you're not even anywhere near the top. As well, it's not just about posting enough, it's about caring about the people on this board... NOT JUST ME. It's not a matter of time, number of posts, or how long you've managed to stay on the board without my deleting you for being inactive. It's about people's priorities, really. I'm not satisfied being someone's "just thought I'd drop in and say hi to all my good buddies" person. If someone is your pal, e-mail them. This is an online "community", not a place to drop in when you're bored or when you have a second to beg for some attention.
Out of the people listed as members, what ticks me off about those that caused me to post what I did varies. It varies from person to person. With some, it's not posting, with others, it's disrespecting others, and with yet others it's lying and "psy-vamping". When I finally "blow" my head is just not in the space to sit down and construct a long, calm, well thought out post addressing each individual member... and even if it were, judging by past experience, no one would read it anyway, except for the people I have no problem with in the first place, and they'd somehow manage to take it personally. (It's a natural reaction, it's not that I'm blaming them.)
In an older thread, I brought up opening up the board... listing it with (our host's) search feature BECAUSE PEOPLE WEREN'T POSTING. In my recent thread, I blew up and threatened to lock the board down BECAUSE PEOPLE WEREN'T POSTING. You can't see the link?
I didn't suggest closing the board off to my "friends". It's not my "friends" I'm having a problem with. It's people who are proving to me that my definition of "friend" and theirs are completely different... and that I need to stop referring to a few people as such.
Although the post hit everyone, in the last day or so I've managed to e-mail just about everyone the thread was not directed towards and apologize for my fuck up. (I don't know if the e-mail got to them, as (our host's) e-mail function often falls short.) Still though, the majority of people the thread WAS directed towards have yet to say "boo!". That's fine, I'll give it a week, and then I'll delete them. At least I tried (although in trying I inadvertently bled all over everyone).
I never claimed not to be a Vampire (depending on one's definition). I do, however, try to work on some of the nastier aspects of being such.
I want what you're capable of giving, CB. I know that everyone is unique in how they express themselves. I don't want a certain amount of time, posts, or words. I want what a person is entitled to get from people who claim to care... apparent caring. If you feel that you are giving me that, and that your board habits are just fine, then you didn't need to take the blow up/post so personally... or maybe I should say, so angrily. I didn't ask for 10 hours a day... I asked for maybe an hour a week, unless something comes up, and then just post to let us know something came up if you can. If you already give that, why think that the post was addressed to you? My problem with you is that I like you too much, maybe. I always want more more more. You find time, every now and again, to post A LOT. Case in point, the last couple of days... then, you drift away. No, I don't mean that I don't understand that when life happens you have to attend to it, but it seems that the only time you really put out an effort is if I'm pissed, or if you're pissed.
I care a lot about my friends' "issues", but it's not for me to start topics about them. The thing with issues is that you can't do that. If you hit a nerve on the wrong day, it can get damn messy. If someone has an issue, it's up to them to bring it up on their own time, when they feel ready or able to discuss it. Should we tiptoe around one another's issues? To an extent, yes. If I know that you have an issue with Christians being stereotyped, it'd be completely uncaring of me to start a topic bashing Christians, or to bash Christians in a thread about, let's say, Christmas. As "friends" we need to be aware of one another's feelings and issues, and we need to go out of our way to not set one another off. If I know that person X has a problem with his big feet, what kind of an asshole would I be if I posted a topic about people with big feet being ugly to me? If person Y is struggling with PID, what kind of an asshole would I be if I decided to start a topic on how not to contract STDs? I can't bring up other people's issues, and I have to be careful that my posts don't inadvertently poke at them. If I don't know enough about what sets them off, there's too much of a risk. I don't like setting people off.
I don't expect people to start topics on MPD, gender issues, or anything else. What I do expect is for people to read mine, and for people to attempt to respect me.
The person I was referring in my previous reply, using "Obesity" as an example, does not post on this board, so that's a bad example... but... let's use ADD, which someone here has. Now, let's ask your question again. How many topics on this board are/were about ADD? Is that my fault? Is it my fault for not starting topics about other people's issues, disorders, raw nerves, etc.? If the topics were posted, I'd reply to them. If they're not, I have to assume that the person is not in a place to discuss it. If I had ADD myself, that's another story. As a person with ADD, I'm more likely to know what NOT to say, and less likely to offend others with ADD, simply because I know better. ADD is MY issue, so I should start topics about it when I need/want to.
This board will ALWAYS be full of topics having to do with "Gender issues". It's my board. There's one. N., sk., and now Kr. are trans. That makes 4.
How many Christians here?
How many Christian topics on the board?
Wait.. I hear a whole chorus of voices now... "I'd never post about that, that always gets people upset..." no... wait... "FR always blows up over that!!!"
ok, here we have a case... issues colliding. So, what to do.... I know, how about not posting any topics about what you care about? That makes sense to me!
NOT.
How about posting about it, just being careful how the post comes across? Mystic did a REALLY great post about her faith once... then it was destroyed because an uncaring person came along bashing nerves like they were baseballs. (Thread crash!) I blew up, but I didn't blow up about the fact that Christian things were being discussed. I blew up because a thread was crashed and MANY people were upset by someone who was paying more attention to their own personal agenda than 1) the original topic, 2) the topic originator (Mystic) and 3) the issues of many others on the board.
You say that the topics are slanted towards a specific audience... that's where you're a bit confused. I don't think that sk., N., or Kr. need to understand what it's like to have your whole life revolve around what is or isn't between your legs. Problem is, they're the only ones who reply (with few exceptions)... so I'm left to think that my actual "target audience", the other 30 or so members of this board, hasn't read a word I've said. So, I'll keep posting until I get my point across.
Audience aside... yes, I will post topics that interest me. I wish more people would start more topics about things that interest THEM.
I don't need people to agree with me, but knowing that people do is always a plus... it makes me feel a little less crazy, and not so alone. In so far as many of my topics are concerned though, I'm just as, if not more, interested in reading posts from people who DON'T. I need to learn, and I want to teach. I've NEVER kicked someone off of this board for disagreeing with me. I'd much rather post until our fingers fall off from debating the issue. One, or both of us might actually learn something.
A recent example is LO2's postings in my "Boys Don't Cry" thread. Did I get pissed because he disagreed with me, or with n. or sk., etc.? Nope. What he said upset me, but that wasn't why I blew up. I blew up because he crashed my thread. He did that by doing what was done in Mystic's thread before... and again, people seem to think that it's his opinion I have problems with as opposed to his actions. I blew up because a thread was crashed and MANY people were upset by someone who was paying more attention to their own personal agenda than 1) the original topic, 2) the topic originator (Myself) and 3) the issues of many others on the board.
CB, the ones who are active members ARE enough for me. I'm not deleting them, and I'm doing everything I can to make them feel appreciated. I ask for input, I read all their posts, I reply to most of them, I give ALL of my available time and energy to being here for them. I just want to stop sending out the message to the people I care about that people like, let's say, "N2" are just as important to me and worthy of valuing as a member. I'm sorry, but if a person can't manage to get here more than once a season, I can't exactly call them a dedicated "friend"... and I can't exactly feel ok about giving them the same amount of time as I do people who bend over backwards to be here. I'm not here to provide a service to the millions of people on the web. I'm here to attempt to form/maintain an online, tight community with others who desire the same.
It's not that I don't think that the people I'm done listing as members on the board aren't worthy of living... it's not that I'm saying that they all have to have as much time as I do... I'm saying that I want this board to be a tight community, comprised of people who will go that extra mile for one another.
I'm fine with people posting at the rate they're comfortable with. I'm not fine with people who are comfortable posting only to suit their needs, and not everyone else's. If you're not able to post, if the computer dies, if you're going in for surgery, if you're going on vacation, if your job is running you down, SAY SO. That's all. It's been done! It's NOT impossible to reassure those who care about you, and if you don't want to reassure people you claim to care about, I have to doubt just how much you actually do care. "Sharing is caring". (<---- gotta love a cheesy saying every now and again)
I don't force people to do anything. I just express myself when I'm upset... or, I try to. I think that waving my own posted rule about lurking for over 3 months is WAY not "forcing" anything.
I'm not asking you to get wrapped up in things that might drive you nuts if you thought about them too much, CB. Do something fluffy once a week (try an e-mode test, that's why I post them!) if that's all you can manage. It may be fluffy, but at least it lets people know that you're around. Post a topic in the "No Reply" section letting people know where you're at. Caring about people means understanding that your silence negatively affects them, and so doing your best to not negatively affect them. Shit, I got SO bad at keeping up with my e-mail, I created a board! NO! I'm not saying that you should create a board, or that you have the time to. What I'm saying is that what you do that is visible to the people around you, who care about you, makes a big difference to them. If a person silent, it's human nature to think the worst... especially on this board where most of us are plagued by insecurity.
You state, "It takes an amazing combination of time, energy, and inclination to get me to post. It's like a lunar eclipse, aligning all the elements. Posting here takes me away from things I should be doing, other things I want to be doing, NEED to be doing."
That's my point. I want to be, and I want others on this board to be considered worthy of something you NEED to be doing. Posting. If that's asking too much, then I'm sorry. I try not to ask much, but that's what a board exists on... people posting. If posting is something that you can't do, or something you feel that you don't need to do, that's fine... I just can't see you as a member of this board. The point of this board is to be a place where people who do need one another are here for one another. If you don't post, then you're not here. No one knows you're here unless you do.
I prefer your screaming rants. Biting sarcasm hurts, and doesn't say anything which I can understand. Screaming rants, at least, let me know what the actual problem might be. That aside though, being that it's a part of who you are, I can't exactly ask you to stop doing it. I can, however, say "ouch" and attempt to have you tell me.
I'm glad you told me.
No, J. didn't say that on the board. I'm glad she posted about the problem as well though. That gives her one more brownie point in my book. That's one more than the majority of people who were once posting here who just up and left, before AND after December 1, 2001.
If you read back, I've been rather tactful. Problem is, people don't seem to respond to tact. I thought it was pretty tactful to post a rule. It was also pretty tactful to post a reminder about the rules. It was also really tactful to post another reminder about the rules. It was also really tactful to send out an e-mail attempting to discuss the "eggshells". It was also pretty tactful to post a topic asking what people thought I should do in order to increase posting. It was also pretty tactful to post, even a rant, rather than just closing the board down and kicking people off.
Tact. I've looked it up.
Yes, the outburst did get results. The post count has more than doubled over the last 2 days... and FINALLY people are talking. I don't know that there's a better way. I've tried just about every way I possibly can come up with. If I scream, I shouldn't scream. If I don't, people drift away. It's a bit of a quandary.
You say, "I don't like pissing people off. I don't like being a prick. That's where we differ."
All I can say is that if you honestly think that, you have NO clue who I am at all. Yes, if someone hurts me first, I'm not as rough on myself when my actions cause some hurt. Do I mind that I "hurt" I.? Yes, I do. I don't like hurting people, even when I feel that my actions are justified. I think that what I did with I. was actually a whole hell of a lot nicer than what I should have done, actually. It's one of my flaws though... I let things go and let them go and let them go, then I blow up about something seemingly small. It usually makes me look like a pretty awful person, and I really hate that, but again, it's a no win situation.
What I'm about to post is a perfect example of a catch-22. If I don't post it, no one understands what I'm talking about. If I do, because of the nature of "psy-vamping", I look like a completely horrible person. Although it's tough for people to understand "psy-vamping", the best I can say is... you just know. If I had about 5 hours to talk individually with each one of you, I could explain it better... but unfortunately I don't. What happens in this sort of a "psy-vamp" is that someone posts something seemingly innocuous to the casual reader, but in truth, to the one person it's directed at, it's completely insulting and makes them feel like complete shit... and as well, because of it seeming to be innocuous, that one person can't say jack shit about it without seeming like a complete lunatic.
Because I. can't respond, I had my reservations about posting this, but see... that's the thing... her response would just be another psy-vamp. At this point, I can't take any more of it. I'm sufficiently drained.
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If I constantly pointed out to I. what she was doing, I'd be in the wrong. I'd either be too "nitpicky", or told that I was imagining things, or whatever. I had to keep my mouth shut. That's what happens when you deal with someone who is psy-vamping you. If you say something, you look like a fool. If you don't, you get drained until you drop dead or fight back. I didn't ban her, she left (again). Maybe what I said hurt her to the point of her leaving... but yes, what she has been doing hurt ME to the point of being ready to kick her out. She didn't attempt to discuss what I'd said, she posted her usual defensive excuses, stroked her ego, and then rather than even remotely validating what I'd said, or even just saying "ouch", she turned it around and tried to make it about her. All the she wanted at that moment was for me to say, "Wow, I. You're just SOOOO important, what with being a member of SUCH an important council and all. I'm SO sorry... you're perfect, don't change a thing... PLEASE don't leave... I take it all back... WAAAAAAAhhhhhh."
No fucking way. I'm done. I'm not going into the details about I.'s psy-vamping, or the fact that no matter how many times she says how much she cares, with VERY few exceptions, she's yet to even border on acting like it to me. I'm too empathic. I don't see lines, I see their intent. It's not that I presume to judge everyone's motives, but when they're THAT blatant, I'm sure as hell going to react to them after a while. Say whatever you want to say, but don't expect me to react to anything but what you actually mean. If I have doubts, I'll ask.
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back to the rest of the post...
As for A., she'll probably never see my viewpoint, but I would have gladly argued it for another year if that's what it would have taken to get to a better place with her. A. was banned because she broke the rules countless times. The last straw was her insulting RBW. There's a very visible rule about "playing nice" meaning "playing nice".
You can tell A., that her last setup/catch-22 was done really well. Now, every time I have to ask someone to leave the board because of breaking the rules, it's going to reaffirm her completely fucked up, hurtful, and damaging statement that I'm a back stabber, and it will also play on people's insecurities about trusting people/me over and over again. One giant "thanks a lot" goes out to A. I'm sure that people feel really free to post because of that statement.
I'm glad you're frustrated by me. No, not REALLY... but... I think that means that my actions and words affect you... which means that you care.. That you took the time to post your frustration also helps me to know you care. Thank you.
CB, your problems are your problems. The fact that other people have problems don't make yours any easier to deal with. Telling us about your problems might.
Hello, my name is FR, and I'm a racist.
I was watching an old episode of ER... it centered a lot on issues having to do with race.
Towards the end of the show, one of the nurses, a black woman, when asked by a (white) doctor who was concerned as to whether or not his actions were racially motivated said (something close to this), "We see the world in two different ways. White people one way, black people another."
The doctor proceeded to ask, "All white people?" and attempted to explain how he tries not to see race.
To which she replied (again, something like...), "To us, everything is all about race.
Although I'm not good at remembering things word for word, hopefully I posted enough to sum up the dialogue.
Anyway... her words continued to echo in my head, and then, in one of the next scenes, a woman was getting an ultrasound and wanting to know the sex of her baby...
Until the baby turned and the doctor saw the penis, they couldn't say.
The scene COMPLETELY pissed me off.
I then thought about how most people would have no clue as to what would piss me off about the scene... that they say they're not "sexist", even though I think they are, and that they'd probably just accuse me of being too oversensitive, etc.
I then changed what the nurse had said... replaced the word "race" with the words "sex, gender and sexuality"... and tada! I think that I learned something rather important from watching tv.
Lesson learned:
Stop seeing people of color as colorless. It is all about race. If you stop seeing color, you're just as much of a racist as someone who discriminates based on it.
Stop, SEE color, and then do your best to go out of your way to act in a manner which respects what that color actually means. Don't do what you think the world should do, do what you think that person would want you to do. To them, it is all about race. If you don't see that, then you're not blind to race, you're blind to their reality.
"Treating people equally" does not necessarily mean that you're not a racist. Not seeing someone's color, in today's society, is also racist. It means that you think all people are in the "same boat" as you are. You're still viewing "black" people as "white" people.
(I think) The "non-racist" thing to achieve?
Being able to see a "black" person as a black person, and treating them as such. "Such" meaning, taking both the "black" and the "PERSON" into consideration.
Towards the end of the show, one of the nurses, a black woman, when asked by a (white) doctor who was concerned as to whether or not his actions were racially motivated said (something close to this), "We see the world in two different ways. White people one way, black people another."
The doctor proceeded to ask, "All white people?" and attempted to explain how he tries not to see race.
To which she replied (again, something like...), "To us, everything is all about race.
Although I'm not good at remembering things word for word, hopefully I posted enough to sum up the dialogue.
Anyway... her words continued to echo in my head, and then, in one of the next scenes, a woman was getting an ultrasound and wanting to know the sex of her baby...
Until the baby turned and the doctor saw the penis, they couldn't say.
The scene COMPLETELY pissed me off.
I then thought about how most people would have no clue as to what would piss me off about the scene... that they say they're not "sexist", even though I think they are, and that they'd probably just accuse me of being too oversensitive, etc.
I then changed what the nurse had said... replaced the word "race" with the words "sex, gender and sexuality"... and tada! I think that I learned something rather important from watching tv.
Lesson learned:
Stop seeing people of color as colorless. It is all about race. If you stop seeing color, you're just as much of a racist as someone who discriminates based on it.
Stop, SEE color, and then do your best to go out of your way to act in a manner which respects what that color actually means. Don't do what you think the world should do, do what you think that person would want you to do. To them, it is all about race. If you don't see that, then you're not blind to race, you're blind to their reality.
"Treating people equally" does not necessarily mean that you're not a racist. Not seeing someone's color, in today's society, is also racist. It means that you think all people are in the "same boat" as you are. You're still viewing "black" people as "white" people.
(I think) The "non-racist" thing to achieve?
Being able to see a "black" person as a black person, and treating them as such. "Such" meaning, taking both the "black" and the "PERSON" into consideration.
Thursday, July 18, 2002
(a board rant)
...I really want people to understand that even if a person gets pissed off at them and a fight erupts, that it's not that they're going to get kicked off of the board for it. For hurling insults, or for hitting below the belt, so to speak, yes, but not just for disagreeing or getting into a heated argument.
If someone has a problem with something that's posted, or something that someone is doing (including something having to do with me!) then I want people to speak up about it, rather than just drifting away from the board.
Life isn't all fluffy and nice, and when people get pissed off, they shouldn't have to pretend that they're not. Everyone has bad days, everyone has raw nerves, everyone has a few opinions that might upset another person, and everyone has character flaws. We're all human.
I've never pretended to be "fluffy", and I've never pretended to be just fine with people casually drifting on and off the board. This board is real to me. There are plenty of other boards out there that take pride in their inflated membership numbers, their endless threads of one liners or emoticons, their 16 page chat sessions, their psy-vamping dramatic bullshit, or their "everything is beautiful" attitudes. (My board) isn't one of them.
I'm selfish. I use this board as a social outlet. Because of things that are beyond my control in life right now, my life resembles that of a 90 year old shut-in. My social interactions are online. It is my preference to have intense relationships, not casual acquaintances. I set up (my board) to be based on that need for intensity, and my need to grow and learn. I simply do not have any need for shallow, howya doin' type interactions. If I did, there are about 3 zillion other boards out there that I could post on.
If you (you, general - not specific) don't see online life as "real", that's fine... but if you don't put out as much of yourself as you can, your time, your energy, your honesty, and your caring, and attempt to make this place as real as online can possibly be, then I really don't want to share my space with you. I'd rather give my energy to people who will return it in kind.
If someone has a problem with something that's posted, or something that someone is doing (including something having to do with me!) then I want people to speak up about it, rather than just drifting away from the board.
Life isn't all fluffy and nice, and when people get pissed off, they shouldn't have to pretend that they're not. Everyone has bad days, everyone has raw nerves, everyone has a few opinions that might upset another person, and everyone has character flaws. We're all human.
I've never pretended to be "fluffy", and I've never pretended to be just fine with people casually drifting on and off the board. This board is real to me. There are plenty of other boards out there that take pride in their inflated membership numbers, their endless threads of one liners or emoticons, their 16 page chat sessions, their psy-vamping dramatic bullshit, or their "everything is beautiful" attitudes. (My board) isn't one of them.
I'm selfish. I use this board as a social outlet. Because of things that are beyond my control in life right now, my life resembles that of a 90 year old shut-in. My social interactions are online. It is my preference to have intense relationships, not casual acquaintances. I set up (my board) to be based on that need for intensity, and my need to grow and learn. I simply do not have any need for shallow, howya doin' type interactions. If I did, there are about 3 zillion other boards out there that I could post on.
If you (you, general - not specific) don't see online life as "real", that's fine... but if you don't put out as much of yourself as you can, your time, your energy, your honesty, and your caring, and attempt to make this place as real as online can possibly be, then I really don't want to share my space with you. I'd rather give my energy to people who will return it in kind.
Tuesday, July 16, 2002
Comics
I'm an ElfQuest fan... but... I always liked "Too Much Coffee Man" for humor, and Sandman for story... and in so far as "retro"... I liked the early X-Men and also (I have no clue why) Archie comics.
I've never been too big on comics, but every now and again one catches my eye. ElfQuest was a big one, and later on, Sandman... I also REALLY liked "Maus".
I've never been too big on comics, but every now and again one catches my eye. ElfQuest was a big one, and later on, Sandman... I also REALLY liked "Maus".
Boys Don't Cry (pt 4)
i agree that many behaviors could be viewed as counter to prevailing stereotypes. i do not agree that most of these expression qualify as "transgendered", because they do not function as an expression, on the part of the individual, of an actual different gender... they are *extensions* of the person's (native) gender-expression. a man wearing an earring is not "partly a woman". he is a man wearing an earring. changing gender *roles and expressions* is not *changing gender*.
If you define "transgender" as actually an expression of changing gender, as opposed to crossing the set gender lines, then I'd agree. If you define "transgender" as the latter, then (I think) my point is valid.
Do I see a man who wears an earing as "part woman"? Nope... not unless he asks me to... but I do see wearing earings as a stereotypically "woman" thing to do, and so I see a man wearing earings as crossing gender lines.
Above all that though, "softening" the word "transgender" is something I attempt to do. I do my best to speak of the term in a way that more people understand it a bit better... and if not, maybe I can at least convince a few people that "transgender" people are not monsters... that "transgender" people are...
citizens.
If you define "transgender" as actually an expression of changing gender, as opposed to crossing the set gender lines, then I'd agree. If you define "transgender" as the latter, then (I think) my point is valid.
Do I see a man who wears an earing as "part woman"? Nope... not unless he asks me to... but I do see wearing earings as a stereotypically "woman" thing to do, and so I see a man wearing earings as crossing gender lines.
Above all that though, "softening" the word "transgender" is something I attempt to do. I do my best to speak of the term in a way that more people understand it a bit better... and if not, maybe I can at least convince a few people that "transgender" people are not monsters... that "transgender" people are...
citizens.
Guilt by association
I once said to CB, "I don't want to move to Atlanta, because I don't want to be Gay."
I don't know that it's an entirely accurate statement, because being Gay in Atlanta would be doable... just not the burbs.
Here's a wonderful bit of honesty from the mind of the ever-so-private Follows Ravens:
Although I'd not let fear stop me from finally partnering with someone, it may well stop the partnership from forming in the first place.
Is it "guilt by association"? Maybe... or maybe it's just logical fear.
I live my life in fear. I'm "Intersexed" and carry a "Mentally Disabled" label. I fear doctors, cops, EMTs, Paramedics, courts, jail, the general public, and hospitals for good reason. To sum it up, if something happens to me, and it's likely that it would, it's the word of a lunatic against the word of the "sane"... so, not only will I be abused, molested, raped, beaten, etc., there's nothing I can do about it afterwards.
For those of you who think this fear is unsubstantiated, you could do some reading. You can also just take my word for it. It's happened to me before, and that's a good part of the reason why the fear is there in the first place.
That said... I'm VERY reluctant to add "FAG" to my list of Achilles heels. In a city, it's safer, so I'd be more likely to just say "what the fuck", but in the burbs or a rural area? I don't know that I would. I have an advantage. To look at me, and to speak with me, I seem like an ordinary guy. I go to great lengths to keep it that way. I'm "out" where it's safe to be "out".
If I were an "ordinary guy", I wouldn't think twice. I'd proudly walk down the street, any street, holding the hand of another guy. As I am though, it's not a simple fear of "gay bashing" or "harassment". What could happen to me surpasses that to quite an extent. This is not to downplay the severity of Gay bashing. It's just because of my life experience that I know that being "bashed", although horrible, is something that, if it didn't kill me, I could live through. Same with being "harassed".
Just use your imagination and think of the worst that can happen, what you imagine happening is most likely what would.
So, in answer to the (implied) question of whether or not I would partner with someone who (or whose appearance) would "out" me... Probably not, not until the world changes enough to have it not mean risking even more hell.
I don't know that it's an entirely accurate statement, because being Gay in Atlanta would be doable... just not the burbs.
Here's a wonderful bit of honesty from the mind of the ever-so-private Follows Ravens:
Although I'd not let fear stop me from finally partnering with someone, it may well stop the partnership from forming in the first place.
Is it "guilt by association"? Maybe... or maybe it's just logical fear.
I live my life in fear. I'm "Intersexed" and carry a "Mentally Disabled" label. I fear doctors, cops, EMTs, Paramedics, courts, jail, the general public, and hospitals for good reason. To sum it up, if something happens to me, and it's likely that it would, it's the word of a lunatic against the word of the "sane"... so, not only will I be abused, molested, raped, beaten, etc., there's nothing I can do about it afterwards.
For those of you who think this fear is unsubstantiated, you could do some reading. You can also just take my word for it. It's happened to me before, and that's a good part of the reason why the fear is there in the first place.
That said... I'm VERY reluctant to add "FAG" to my list of Achilles heels. In a city, it's safer, so I'd be more likely to just say "what the fuck", but in the burbs or a rural area? I don't know that I would. I have an advantage. To look at me, and to speak with me, I seem like an ordinary guy. I go to great lengths to keep it that way. I'm "out" where it's safe to be "out".
If I were an "ordinary guy", I wouldn't think twice. I'd proudly walk down the street, any street, holding the hand of another guy. As I am though, it's not a simple fear of "gay bashing" or "harassment". What could happen to me surpasses that to quite an extent. This is not to downplay the severity of Gay bashing. It's just because of my life experience that I know that being "bashed", although horrible, is something that, if it didn't kill me, I could live through. Same with being "harassed".
Just use your imagination and think of the worst that can happen, what you imagine happening is most likely what would.
So, in answer to the (implied) question of whether or not I would partner with someone who (or whose appearance) would "out" me... Probably not, not until the world changes enough to have it not mean risking even more hell.
Monday, July 15, 2002
(on Pat C.)
...the last I heard of Pat was probably in 1992 or so... I'm a bit out of the loop, I guess... I had no clue that he was now openly identifying as a "he". I always saw Pat as a... well... "mega-dyke", so to speak... He really did quite a bit for the queer community as a S/M, in your face, completely radical lesbian... the FtM thing really never crossed my mind.
Shoot, as long as he's happy, I don't give a rat's ass... but it was news to me.
It was a really good article (I recently read)... but then , that's no surprise. Pat can WRITE.
I think that humanity in general has A LOT to learn from both FtMs and MtFs. I don't think that people really understand the power of hormones. With any luck he'll do as much for the trans community as he did for the alternative lesbian community.
Shoot, as long as he's happy, I don't give a rat's ass... but it was news to me.
It was a really good article (I recently read)... but then , that's no surprise. Pat can WRITE.
I think that humanity in general has A LOT to learn from both FtMs and MtFs. I don't think that people really understand the power of hormones. With any luck he'll do as much for the trans community as he did for the alternative lesbian community.
Sunday, July 14, 2002
I get ticked off...
I don't know why.
I'm not sure how the me being a "raw nerve" thing started. It might have been CB saying something to me... it might have been me saying something to CB. I don't really remember.
I don't know that it's that I'm a "raw nerve". Sometimes I think I am... but that's rare. Most of the time, I just say that because it's the only way people can understand my reactions to things.
I don't know if it's that I just see things differently than most other people do, or that I just actually speak up about it. I don't understand why people don't see what I see or perceive things the way I do.
I remember once, about 17 years ago or so, I was sitting up on the roof of the house I was squatting in with my friend Paradox... I think that's where I was... it's an old memory...
anyway...
I looked out over the city, and all of a sudden felt some horrible mixture of sadness and anger. I went into some rant or another about a giant plastic bubble... and how one day we'd all eat one another because there'd be nothing else left.
Odd how much we stay the same, no matter how much we change.
I'm sorry that I seem to snap a lot. I don't like it when I hurt people's feelings. I just find it rather difficult to not express myself when I feel something strongly... and I seem to feel most things rather strongly. I try to control myself. Unbelievable as it may be, I only post about half of what actually goes through my mind when I read... and only about 1/10th of the topics I want to post. I do try. I'm sorry if I end up posting things that come across as hostile. Although I often do actually feel hostile, it's usually not towards the people on (my) board, but just hostility in general... towards the world, towards humanity, towards life... just in general.
ok... I'll shut up now.
I'm not sure how the me being a "raw nerve" thing started. It might have been CB saying something to me... it might have been me saying something to CB. I don't really remember.
I don't know that it's that I'm a "raw nerve". Sometimes I think I am... but that's rare. Most of the time, I just say that because it's the only way people can understand my reactions to things.
I don't know if it's that I just see things differently than most other people do, or that I just actually speak up about it. I don't understand why people don't see what I see or perceive things the way I do.
I remember once, about 17 years ago or so, I was sitting up on the roof of the house I was squatting in with my friend Paradox... I think that's where I was... it's an old memory...
anyway...
I looked out over the city, and all of a sudden felt some horrible mixture of sadness and anger. I went into some rant or another about a giant plastic bubble... and how one day we'd all eat one another because there'd be nothing else left.
Odd how much we stay the same, no matter how much we change.
I'm sorry that I seem to snap a lot. I don't like it when I hurt people's feelings. I just find it rather difficult to not express myself when I feel something strongly... and I seem to feel most things rather strongly. I try to control myself. Unbelievable as it may be, I only post about half of what actually goes through my mind when I read... and only about 1/10th of the topics I want to post. I do try. I'm sorry if I end up posting things that come across as hostile. Although I often do actually feel hostile, it's usually not towards the people on (my) board, but just hostility in general... towards the world, towards humanity, towards life... just in general.
ok... I'll shut up now.
Thursday, July 11, 2002
Fun & Simple Questionaire
This is how this works: first, there's questions and you have to answer them. That seems easy enough, right? Well the difficult part is that you have to answer the questions with lyrics from songs, and you can't use any answers from the person before you. Have fun! If you can, be sure to list the song title, artist and album name.
Simple!?!
DESCRIBE HOW YOU LOOK:
I'm beat, I'm torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see
"Trouble" - Cat Stevens - MONA BONE JAKON
TELL US A LIL' ABOUT YOURSELF:
In the corner of the morning in the past
I would sit and blame the master first and last
All the roads were straight and narrow
And the prayers were small and yellow
And the rumour spread that I was aging fast
Then I ran across a monster who was sleeping
By a tree.
And I looked and frowned and the monster was me
David Bowie - "The Width Of A Circle" - Man Who Sold the World
IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU LIKE WHAT WOULD IT BE:
In my life
I've felt so self assured
But suddenly it's all changed
She's a cloud, that hangs above my world
And I find myself wond'ring in the rain
And now I can't go on
"LIVING INSIDE MYSELF" (Gino Vanelli)
IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO YOUR WORST ENEMY WHAT WOULD IT BE:
Even Now
When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's
Waiting just for me
Even Now
I think about you as I'm climbin up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see and
Even Now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found the better life than what we had
Even Now
I wake up cryin in the middle of the night
And I can't belive it could still hurt so bad
Even Now
That I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why its still so hard without you
Even Now
When I come shinin through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even Now
Even Now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much
Since you've been gone
Even Now
I still remember
And the Feeling still the same
And this pain inside of me goes on and on
Even Now
Even Now
When I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why its still so hard without you
Even Now
When I come shinin through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish ya knew
Somehow
Even Now
Barry Manilow - "Even Now"
WHERE WOULD YOU GO TO VACATION:
When the lights go down in the City, and the sun shines on the bay
Ooh I want to be there in my City
Journey : Infinity - "Lights"
HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW:
I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
"I'm So Tired" - (John Lennon, Paul McCartney)
WOULD YOU EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND:
Well there's a rose in the fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Crosby Stills & Nash - "Love The One You're With"
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIENDS:
Can you imagine us years from today,
Sharing a parkbench quietly
How terribly strange to be seventy
"Old Friends" - Bookends - Simon & Garfunkel
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT UNDERAGE DRINKING:
Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle and drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows
Ozzy Osbourne - "Suicide Solution" - Blizzard Of Ozz
HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR WEEKENDS:
I can fly, I will scream, I will break my arm
I will do me harm
Here I stand, foot in hand, talking to my wall
I'm not quite right at all...am I?
David Bowie - "All The Madmen" - Man Who Sold the World
DO YOU HAVE A BOY/GIRL FRIEND:
Someone is talking
But it's not conversation,
Sounds more like a voice in my head.
It says
I live in nightmares
I'm the new god of panic
And I'm waiting for you to come home to me
"Bleed" - Gary Numan - Sacrifice
WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU WERE DOING RIGHT NOW:
Let me be weak,
Let me sleep
And dream of sheep.
Kate Bush - "And dream of sheep" - Hounds of Love
ANY WORDS OF ADVICE:
The things we won't recall, the feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see, because we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do, more important to say
And "I love you" wasn't one of those things, but now it's too late
PHIL COLLINS - "Do You Remember" - But Seriously
Simple!?!
DESCRIBE HOW YOU LOOK:
I'm beat, I'm torn
Shattered and tossed and worn
Too shocking to see
Too shocking to see
"Trouble" - Cat Stevens - MONA BONE JAKON
TELL US A LIL' ABOUT YOURSELF:
In the corner of the morning in the past
I would sit and blame the master first and last
All the roads were straight and narrow
And the prayers were small and yellow
And the rumour spread that I was aging fast
Then I ran across a monster who was sleeping
By a tree.
And I looked and frowned and the monster was me
David Bowie - "The Width Of A Circle" - Man Who Sold the World
IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO THE PERSON YOU LIKE WHAT WOULD IT BE:
In my life
I've felt so self assured
But suddenly it's all changed
She's a cloud, that hangs above my world
And I find myself wond'ring in the rain
And now I can't go on
"LIVING INSIDE MYSELF" (Gino Vanelli)
IF YOU COULD SAY ONE THING TO YOUR WORST ENEMY WHAT WOULD IT BE:
Even Now
When there's someone else who cares
When there's someone home who's
Waiting just for me
Even Now
I think about you as I'm climbin up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see and
Even Now
When I know it wasn't right
And I found the better life than what we had
Even Now
I wake up cryin in the middle of the night
And I can't belive it could still hurt so bad
Even Now
That I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why its still so hard without you
Even Now
When I come shinin through
I swear I think of you
And how I wish you knew
Even Now
Even Now
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much
Since you've been gone
Even Now
I still remember
And the Feeling still the same
And this pain inside of me goes on and on
Even Now
Even Now
When I have come so far
I wonder where you are
I wonder why its still so hard without you
Even Now
When I come shinin through
I swear I think of you
And God I wish ya knew
Somehow
Even Now
Barry Manilow - "Even Now"
WHERE WOULD YOU GO TO VACATION:
When the lights go down in the City, and the sun shines on the bay
Ooh I want to be there in my City
Journey : Infinity - "Lights"
HOW DO YOU FEEL RIGHT NOW:
I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink
"I'm So Tired" - (John Lennon, Paul McCartney)
WOULD YOU EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND:
Well there's a rose in the fisted glove
And the eagle flies with the dove
And if you can't be with the one you love, honey
Love the one you're with
Crosby Stills & Nash - "Love The One You're With"
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR BEST FRIENDS:
Can you imagine us years from today,
Sharing a parkbench quietly
How terribly strange to be seventy
"Old Friends" - Bookends - Simon & Garfunkel
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT UNDERAGE DRINKING:
Wine is fine but whiskey's quicker
Suicide is slow with liquor
Take a bottle and drown your sorrows
Then it floods away tomorrows
Ozzy Osbourne - "Suicide Solution" - Blizzard Of Ozz
HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR WEEKENDS:
I can fly, I will scream, I will break my arm
I will do me harm
Here I stand, foot in hand, talking to my wall
I'm not quite right at all...am I?
David Bowie - "All The Madmen" - Man Who Sold the World
DO YOU HAVE A BOY/GIRL FRIEND:
Someone is talking
But it's not conversation,
Sounds more like a voice in my head.
It says
I live in nightmares
I'm the new god of panic
And I'm waiting for you to come home to me
"Bleed" - Gary Numan - Sacrifice
WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU WERE DOING RIGHT NOW:
Let me be weak,
Let me sleep
And dream of sheep.
Kate Bush - "And dream of sheep" - Hounds of Love
ANY WORDS OF ADVICE:
The things we won't recall, the feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see, because we never seemed to have the time
There was always something more important to do, more important to say
And "I love you" wasn't one of those things, but now it's too late
PHIL COLLINS - "Do You Remember" - But Seriously
Boys Don't Cry (pt 3)
"My point" is: "that everyone is "transgendered" to some degree."
For example... LO2 wears an earing (or two, I'm not sure how many). Although he thinks nothing of it, it is, in essence, a "transgendered" thing to do. The stereotype is that only girls and women wear earings. Yes, the stereotype is slowly changing, but if you adhere strictly to it... There is a part of LO2's expression of himself that is "female/woman/girl/feminine" He also shaves his face... that too can fall into the "transgender" realm. By stereotype, men have facial hair.
Unless you are one to adhere strictly to the stereotype, in essence, you are transgendered. Being that I've never met one person in my life (and I've met A LOT of people) that fit the stereotype, I can safely say that in essence, everyone is "transgendered". People choose not to adhere to the stereotype, they choose to "play with gender". "Transgender" when broken down, means to cross (trans) gender lines.
No, not everyone falls into the flattering categories of "Genderfuck" or "freak of nature"... but my point in pointing out that "transgender issues" affect everyone because everyone is transgendered to some degree, is to point out why people should support things like laws that protect transgendered people, and why people should take an interest in the subject.
Hope I'm starting to make some sort of sense.
For example... LO2 wears an earing (or two, I'm not sure how many). Although he thinks nothing of it, it is, in essence, a "transgendered" thing to do. The stereotype is that only girls and women wear earings. Yes, the stereotype is slowly changing, but if you adhere strictly to it... There is a part of LO2's expression of himself that is "female/woman/girl/feminine" He also shaves his face... that too can fall into the "transgender" realm. By stereotype, men have facial hair.
Unless you are one to adhere strictly to the stereotype, in essence, you are transgendered. Being that I've never met one person in my life (and I've met A LOT of people) that fit the stereotype, I can safely say that in essence, everyone is "transgendered". People choose not to adhere to the stereotype, they choose to "play with gender". "Transgender" when broken down, means to cross (trans) gender lines.
No, not everyone falls into the flattering categories of "Genderfuck" or "freak of nature"... but my point in pointing out that "transgender issues" affect everyone because everyone is transgendered to some degree, is to point out why people should support things like laws that protect transgendered people, and why people should take an interest in the subject.
Hope I'm starting to make some sort of sense.
Wednesday, July 10, 2002
Boys Don't Cry (pt 2)
It's not that I don't have anything to say, it's just that I feel that whatever I say will be misunderstood.
Although I was happy to read what had been posted, I feel that the point of what I wrote was completely missed by a few people.
My point was/is that everyone is "transgendered" to some degree.
I don't want to argue. Debate though, is not really arguement. Hearing an opposing viewpoint is often the only way I learn anything. No, the majority of the world will never understand what you, N., Kr., or I went/go through... but... that doesn't change my belief that 1) "transgender" issues affect everyone. 2) all people should be supportive of "trans" rights/protective laws for that reason, if for no other reason, and 3) people should be aware of the fact that if we all adhered strictly to a set stereotype, "transgendered" people would be the majority, as opposed to the minority (if society and imposed labels adhered strictly to the stereotypes, "transgendered" would be the majority.)
True, if we say that everyone is "transgendered", then it doesn't allow for necessary laws and protections to be put in black and white to protect certain people from discrimination/oppression/violence, but... that's not my point in this thread. The "point" was to point out to people that much of what they consider to be "normal" about themselves and others, is actually, by definition, "transgendered".
Although I was happy to read what had been posted, I feel that the point of what I wrote was completely missed by a few people.
My point was/is that everyone is "transgendered" to some degree.
I don't want to argue. Debate though, is not really arguement. Hearing an opposing viewpoint is often the only way I learn anything. No, the majority of the world will never understand what you, N., Kr., or I went/go through... but... that doesn't change my belief that 1) "transgender" issues affect everyone. 2) all people should be supportive of "trans" rights/protective laws for that reason, if for no other reason, and 3) people should be aware of the fact that if we all adhered strictly to a set stereotype, "transgendered" people would be the majority, as opposed to the minority (if society and imposed labels adhered strictly to the stereotypes, "transgendered" would be the majority.)
True, if we say that everyone is "transgendered", then it doesn't allow for necessary laws and protections to be put in black and white to protect certain people from discrimination/oppression/violence, but... that's not my point in this thread. The "point" was to point out to people that much of what they consider to be "normal" about themselves and others, is actually, by definition, "transgendered".
Tuesday, July 9, 2002
(Coincidences)
It's odd... even though the logical part of me agrees with sk, that "the world is sufficiently bounded to allow for all sorts of conicidences, and that explanations are sometimes unnecessary." and that "being the kinds of beings we are, we see patterns, and in fact create them through the simple and pervasive act of perceiving." I'm still prone to thinking that "things happen for a reason"... that there's some sort of purpose or plan to life
Sunday, July 7, 2002
Boys Don't Cry (pt 1)
Whenever people who do not label themselves, or who are not labeled "Trans"-anything speak of Trans issues, they speak of "them". It's always "They deserve their rights", or "They are all sick", or "They're ok, just as long as they stay away from me." Even on (my) board, when a topic is posted about "trans" issues, people don't post because they feel that they are a "they". It's not "we", it's "they". Worse yet, some people don't even read the thread for that reason.
Before getting to the primary reason this seems pretty darn wrong to me, let me say this: Humanity is a "we". When a person who wears a different label than you suffers, it's still human suffering. Above that, when a person you call "friend" is concerned about something, it concerns you... or, it should. Maybe it's presumptuous of me, but when someone you care about is concerned about something, it should at least interest you.
That aside, there is another reason I wanted to point out. "Trans" issues concern everyone. If a law is passed that makes it illegal to discriminate against Transgendered or transsexual people, that law protects everyone. I've yet to meet a person who is not, to some extent, "transgendered". Everyone has things about them that are deemed the "opposite" of their assigned sex by the almighty rule book from hell.
Gay people are transgendered. Men are not supposed to desire men sexually.
Lesbians are transgendered. Women are not supposed to desire women sexually.
Bisexuals are transgendered. Men are supposed to desire women sexually and women are supposed to desire men sexually. Period.
It's not the GLBT community. It's the T community.
Thinking... "but wait! I'm not Gay, Lesbian, or even Bi!"?
Well, if you have pants on, you'd better be a man. Pants are for men. Women are supposed to wear dresses, and that dress better be pink. Pink is for girls, and blue is for boys.
Did you go to work today? I hope you're a man, because a woman's place is in the kitchen.
Feminists are transgendered.
Women are transgendered.
I hope that none of you guys shaved your face today. Men have facial hair. What are you trying to do, look like a girl?
I hope that you haven't made yourself anything to eat or washed your clothing lately. That's women's work.
Men are transgendered.
The guy who wrapped his car around a tree last night, who thought it was manly to drink half a keg and then drive home... I think that his parents might agree that gender stereotypes are a bit dangerous.
WE are all transgendered. There may be 3 people on the planet that are not. A stereotype is not the easiest thing to achieve. WE all need to be interested in "trans" issues.
There is no "they". Even those 3 people who fit today's stereotype might not fit it tomorrow.
Please read. Please write. Please be aware.
With love,
One of "them".
Before getting to the primary reason this seems pretty darn wrong to me, let me say this: Humanity is a "we". When a person who wears a different label than you suffers, it's still human suffering. Above that, when a person you call "friend" is concerned about something, it concerns you... or, it should. Maybe it's presumptuous of me, but when someone you care about is concerned about something, it should at least interest you.
That aside, there is another reason I wanted to point out. "Trans" issues concern everyone. If a law is passed that makes it illegal to discriminate against Transgendered or transsexual people, that law protects everyone. I've yet to meet a person who is not, to some extent, "transgendered". Everyone has things about them that are deemed the "opposite" of their assigned sex by the almighty rule book from hell.
Gay people are transgendered. Men are not supposed to desire men sexually.
Lesbians are transgendered. Women are not supposed to desire women sexually.
Bisexuals are transgendered. Men are supposed to desire women sexually and women are supposed to desire men sexually. Period.
It's not the GLBT community. It's the T community.
Thinking... "but wait! I'm not Gay, Lesbian, or even Bi!"?
Well, if you have pants on, you'd better be a man. Pants are for men. Women are supposed to wear dresses, and that dress better be pink. Pink is for girls, and blue is for boys.
Did you go to work today? I hope you're a man, because a woman's place is in the kitchen.
Feminists are transgendered.
Women are transgendered.
I hope that none of you guys shaved your face today. Men have facial hair. What are you trying to do, look like a girl?
I hope that you haven't made yourself anything to eat or washed your clothing lately. That's women's work.
Men are transgendered.
The guy who wrapped his car around a tree last night, who thought it was manly to drink half a keg and then drive home... I think that his parents might agree that gender stereotypes are a bit dangerous.
WE are all transgendered. There may be 3 people on the planet that are not. A stereotype is not the easiest thing to achieve. WE all need to be interested in "trans" issues.
There is no "they". Even those 3 people who fit today's stereotype might not fit it tomorrow.
Please read. Please write. Please be aware.
With love,
One of "them".
Thursday, July 4, 2002
(idealizing - to clarify)
I think that this is about healing... about growing. That's the catch, you see. What happens is part of being "healthy". It's not about the inability to "move on"... it's about the inherent need to grow.
"Not moving on" is a conscious thing... it's "dwelling". I'm not dwelling. My conscious mind focuses on the "good", my unconscious forces me to "move on" by creating the idealizations... that causes me to jump right back into the "bad" situation in order to learn how to deal with it.
Make sense?
"Not moving on" is a conscious thing... it's "dwelling". I'm not dwelling. My conscious mind focuses on the "good", my unconscious forces me to "move on" by creating the idealizations... that causes me to jump right back into the "bad" situation in order to learn how to deal with it.
Make sense?
Wednesday, July 3, 2002
Not to be too brief...but...
it's the same as "be careful what you wish for". Be careful what you pray for.
(idealizing - cont'd further)
I think that what I'm seeing this as, is a conscious/subconscious thing. The conscious mind idealizes... it "remembers the good stuff" and pushes away the bad. It makes sense... you want to feel good, so why think about the bad?
In the meanwhile, the subconscious is taking care of business. The reason why you're idealizing is all the fault of the subconscious. The subconscious causes you to idealize in an attempt to get you back into that situation again... so that you can learn what you need to learn in order to strengthen you. Basically, you're manipulating yourself to do what's best for you in the long run.
The problem is that there are no "time machines". We'll spend forever attempting to recapture a moment, not understanding that we can't. Even if there were a time machine, you've changed... the situation will change because you have, and no matter what... it won't feel the same. The good stuff will be gone along with the bad.
I try to erase good memories. I try to revisit places and get back into situations consciously in order to force myself to deal with the reality as opposed to the ideal that I've created. I know that I'm idealizing... and have a theory as to why (see previous), but that makes it no less difficult to deal with when I'm stuck in the middle of an idealization.
There are other idealizations that have completely shaped years and years of my life... for example... Idealizing a relationship that I was in 17 years ago. Because I've created the idealization, no one I meet can compete. You can't compete with an ideal. The result is that I've been unable to "move on".
Simply knowing that you're idealizing does not make it possible to "drop it". Intense emotion overpowers logic every time.
It's annoying.
In the meanwhile, the subconscious is taking care of business. The reason why you're idealizing is all the fault of the subconscious. The subconscious causes you to idealize in an attempt to get you back into that situation again... so that you can learn what you need to learn in order to strengthen you. Basically, you're manipulating yourself to do what's best for you in the long run.
The problem is that there are no "time machines". We'll spend forever attempting to recapture a moment, not understanding that we can't. Even if there were a time machine, you've changed... the situation will change because you have, and no matter what... it won't feel the same. The good stuff will be gone along with the bad.
I try to erase good memories. I try to revisit places and get back into situations consciously in order to force myself to deal with the reality as opposed to the ideal that I've created. I know that I'm idealizing... and have a theory as to why (see previous), but that makes it no less difficult to deal with when I'm stuck in the middle of an idealization.
There are other idealizations that have completely shaped years and years of my life... for example... Idealizing a relationship that I was in 17 years ago. Because I've created the idealization, no one I meet can compete. You can't compete with an ideal. The result is that I've been unable to "move on".
Simply knowing that you're idealizing does not make it possible to "drop it". Intense emotion overpowers logic every time.
It's annoying.
(My board (Admin.) - "titles")
I knew this would come up eventually.
Yes, you become a member after 1,000 posts... with 4 exceptions. J. had to re-register her account because it is a local account, but, her original post count did put her over 1,000. Also, my blood relatives are "Members".
I didn't want to post this info, because I didn't want people to be posting just to up their post count. I could post smilies for a few hours and manage to rack up a few hundred posts.
I could fix it so that after 200, you become a "grape", 400 a pickle, 750 a kiwi and 1,000 a full fledged tidy-bowl man... but with custom titles, it's up to me to enter them manually. Call me bitter, but from experience, I'm not doing anyone any favors who is going to eventually disappear, stab me in the back, or ruin the board. I just figured that after 1,000 posts, if you're still here, you're not going anywhere. If someone tries to post 1,000 smilies, I'll go out of my way... to ban them.
Titles imply preference, in a way, and I was hesitant to even create 2 (3 including my own). Often, preference either makes people bitter, or makes them compete. As well, when a new member comes to the board, they should show equal respect to all people, not just the ones with apparent preference. The "rank" thing didn't work out. The reason why? I'm a sucker. I try to be fair to everyone, and in doing that, open not only myself, but everyone else, to being attacked.
Do I know who I can "trust" at this point? Yes, but if I show preference to those people (give out titles), I have to deal with the bitterness of others... and that bitterness can be pretty painful.
When it comes down to it... I'm just not the best "administrator". The position requires... honestly... coming off as "the bad guy". As much as I flap my gums/fingers about not caring that people think I'm an asshole, it really does sort of bug me when people I care about think that. Even enforcing my own rules seems to be something that I have to push myself to do. I don't know if it's that I'm too nice, or just not assertive enough.
(Yeesh, you ask a simple question....)
I'm open to suggestions, I guess. It's really not in me to say, "This is the way it is... deal with it." Titles are fun, and yes, there is a big part of me that wants people to know who means the world to me and who I barely know... but I'm really trying to be fair. (Call it a character flaw)
So....
I'm open to suggestions, advice, criticism, etc.
Yes, you become a member after 1,000 posts... with 4 exceptions. J. had to re-register her account because it is a local account, but, her original post count did put her over 1,000. Also, my blood relatives are "Members".
I didn't want to post this info, because I didn't want people to be posting just to up their post count. I could post smilies for a few hours and manage to rack up a few hundred posts.
I could fix it so that after 200, you become a "grape", 400 a pickle, 750 a kiwi and 1,000 a full fledged tidy-bowl man... but with custom titles, it's up to me to enter them manually. Call me bitter, but from experience, I'm not doing anyone any favors who is going to eventually disappear, stab me in the back, or ruin the board. I just figured that after 1,000 posts, if you're still here, you're not going anywhere. If someone tries to post 1,000 smilies, I'll go out of my way... to ban them.
Titles imply preference, in a way, and I was hesitant to even create 2 (3 including my own). Often, preference either makes people bitter, or makes them compete. As well, when a new member comes to the board, they should show equal respect to all people, not just the ones with apparent preference. The "rank" thing didn't work out. The reason why? I'm a sucker. I try to be fair to everyone, and in doing that, open not only myself, but everyone else, to being attacked.
Do I know who I can "trust" at this point? Yes, but if I show preference to those people (give out titles), I have to deal with the bitterness of others... and that bitterness can be pretty painful.
When it comes down to it... I'm just not the best "administrator". The position requires... honestly... coming off as "the bad guy". As much as I flap my gums/fingers about not caring that people think I'm an asshole, it really does sort of bug me when people I care about think that. Even enforcing my own rules seems to be something that I have to push myself to do. I don't know if it's that I'm too nice, or just not assertive enough.
(Yeesh, you ask a simple question....)
I'm open to suggestions, I guess. It's really not in me to say, "This is the way it is... deal with it." Titles are fun, and yes, there is a big part of me that wants people to know who means the world to me and who I barely know... but I'm really trying to be fair. (Call it a character flaw)
So....
I'm open to suggestions, advice, criticism, etc.
seeing things
I think it's just a bad bout of Insomnia, at this point. It happens sometimes... I go from not sleeping to NOT SLEEPING. Hopefully it'll be over soon.
(idealizing - cont'd)
ok... so much for the sleep idea...
If I hit the lottery, I'd go. If I found a time machine... I'd go back. If I could afford it, I'd move back into town.
Is it because I'm a masochist? No, I don't think so. I'm not saying that I'm not a masochist, because if you want to get technical about that, many a shrinkydink would say that I was, but that's not why. I don't want to "go back" because I desire the pain.
Am I "entertained by people"? Absolutely, but I don't have to "go back" to be around people if I want to be entertained.
I can only assume that it must be desire to "do it again"... some sort of unconscious drive to correct what I feel I did wrong... to prove to myself that I can do it right... that I actually "learned"... and also... in this case, that I can overcome this "disability".
If I hit the lottery, I'd go. If I found a time machine... I'd go back. If I could afford it, I'd move back into town.
Is it because I'm a masochist? No, I don't think so. I'm not saying that I'm not a masochist, because if you want to get technical about that, many a shrinkydink would say that I was, but that's not why. I don't want to "go back" because I desire the pain.
Am I "entertained by people"? Absolutely, but I don't have to "go back" to be around people if I want to be entertained.
I can only assume that it must be desire to "do it again"... some sort of unconscious drive to correct what I feel I did wrong... to prove to myself that I can do it right... that I actually "learned"... and also... in this case, that I can overcome this "disability".
Monday, July 1, 2002
(idealizing)
I tend to do this a lot... and from what I understand, so do a lot of other people. The more time passes, the more we only remember the good things about it. For example, while I was in High School, I was a mess... it nearly killed me. I dropped out 3 times, and had 2 breakdowns because of it. Yet... years later? I often wish that I were back there and fantasize about time machines.
You would think that the human mind would have some sort of built in defense mechanism to keep itself out of painful situations...
but then, maybe idealizing is just that... a way to get you back into tough situations in order to strengthen you.
You would think that the human mind would have some sort of built in defense mechanism to keep itself out of painful situations...
but then, maybe idealizing is just that... a way to get you back into tough situations in order to strengthen you.
NOT a DragonCon rant.
Due to obvious misinterpretations with my last thread, I wanted to repost this, with a few changes. This isn't a place where I want to discuss last year's Dragon Con. It's more just statement about my life, my head, and attempting to understand it.
No matter how bad an experience is, how come we tend to idealize it after time passes? I had a bad experience at last year's Dragon Con, yet there is still a part of me that desires to go back.
DragonCon 2002 is around the corner... and because, apparently, that's the way the human mind works... I'm actually feeling bad about the fact that I can't afford to go this year. Pretty twisted, huh. I don't know why I feel like I wish I could go, maybe it's like what I used to do with PTD... keep going back for more with the hope that things will, someday, be perfect.
The problem is... wherever you go, there you are. It's not that the event wasn't perfect, it's that I'm not perfect. No matter where I go, these issues arise. I'm intolerant, oversensitive, paranoid, antisocial, and damnit... I have an illness. It's odd how if you have a broken toe people go easy on you, but if your brain is broken you're either shunned, discriminated against, or simply disbelieved.
So... what do I do? Do I stay in my apartment for the rest of my life? I can't expect the world to compensate for my disability, can I? Shit, I can't even expect people to believe that I have one, let alone take it into consideration. *sighs*
I do wish that I'd hit the lottery. If I did, I'd get a room and be there... and I'd attempt to learn from last time... and maybe... I'd have some fun... and maybe I wouldn't. It's all about money though, as usual... and all about my damn disability, as usual. If it wasn't for the fact that I have the damn disability in the first place, I could afford to go. "Afford" it financially, and "afford" it mentally.
No matter how bad an experience is, how come we tend to idealize it after time passes? I had a bad experience at last year's Dragon Con, yet there is still a part of me that desires to go back.
DragonCon 2002 is around the corner... and because, apparently, that's the way the human mind works... I'm actually feeling bad about the fact that I can't afford to go this year. Pretty twisted, huh. I don't know why I feel like I wish I could go, maybe it's like what I used to do with PTD... keep going back for more with the hope that things will, someday, be perfect.
The problem is... wherever you go, there you are. It's not that the event wasn't perfect, it's that I'm not perfect. No matter where I go, these issues arise. I'm intolerant, oversensitive, paranoid, antisocial, and damnit... I have an illness. It's odd how if you have a broken toe people go easy on you, but if your brain is broken you're either shunned, discriminated against, or simply disbelieved.
So... what do I do? Do I stay in my apartment for the rest of my life? I can't expect the world to compensate for my disability, can I? Shit, I can't even expect people to believe that I have one, let alone take it into consideration. *sighs*
I do wish that I'd hit the lottery. If I did, I'd get a room and be there... and I'd attempt to learn from last time... and maybe... I'd have some fun... and maybe I wouldn't. It's all about money though, as usual... and all about my damn disability, as usual. If it wasn't for the fact that I have the damn disability in the first place, I could afford to go. "Afford" it financially, and "afford" it mentally.
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