-I feel very alone. I guess that's because I am. Was it written in my book of life that I was to be alone? Being alone is tough. Perhaps my soul is stronger than I give it credit for being. I doubt that a weak soul could withstand being so alone. Well, be that as it may, it still feels like crap. Whatever strength I have does not make it feel much better. Well, I suppose that life's not over yet.-
-It's always water, water and fire. There are bursts in the sky. It's always the same... the water turns into fire from the bombing. It's not fire per say, nor is it lava really. It looks like water, smooth with waves and ridges, but it's fire. Sometimes it's day; sometimes it's night. There is not a lot of panic or screaming. The people just seem to accept their fate. They walk to the "water" and jump in. There's no sreaming, or flailing. They just vanish into it.-
Tuesday, October 12, 1999
Thursday, October 7, 1999
(Realities of the persona within)
Truth. The way I see it, Truth is transient. It's not that what you thought to be true wasn't... it's just that it changed over time. Growth seems to do that, make truth seem like a lie sometimes. When I'm happy, I tend not to analyze things as much, I seem to just accept them as reality, no questions asked. When I'm not happy, I question things a lot because I'm not satisfied with the way things are. When I desire change, I look for the things that seem "off" somehow, so that I know where to start with changing.
I don't think that hardening is the answer, although it's always an option. (Sort of like suicide.) I think that becoming callous and putting up walls is letting "them" win. To keep an open heart during times of pain is, well... damn painful, but growth and becoming stronger usually are painful processes. Keeping the heart open always gets my vote for the best path to travel.
I believe that both hate and rage serve a purpose. They let you know when it's time to change something about your life or current situation. They seem to serve as a pointer, telling you what to focus on, what things you need to look at within and/or outside of yourself. Sometimes, I think, one just needs to be really pissed off for a while. Feeling is never wrong, it's just the actions which go along with feeling that can be questionable at times. I think that maybe the best way to find peace is to allow yourself to feel the rage and hate, then to find an outlet - like talking or writing or beating up an inanimate object or even screaming at the source sometimes (if you can pin it down and it seems open to hearing you out.) Once feelings are expressed, they seem to change or grow - for better or for worse - so sometimes expressing hate and rage can lead to feeling a bit more peaceful.
I don't think that hardening is the answer, although it's always an option. (Sort of like suicide.) I think that becoming callous and putting up walls is letting "them" win. To keep an open heart during times of pain is, well... damn painful, but growth and becoming stronger usually are painful processes. Keeping the heart open always gets my vote for the best path to travel.
I believe that both hate and rage serve a purpose. They let you know when it's time to change something about your life or current situation. They seem to serve as a pointer, telling you what to focus on, what things you need to look at within and/or outside of yourself. Sometimes, I think, one just needs to be really pissed off for a while. Feeling is never wrong, it's just the actions which go along with feeling that can be questionable at times. I think that maybe the best way to find peace is to allow yourself to feel the rage and hate, then to find an outlet - like talking or writing or beating up an inanimate object or even screaming at the source sometimes (if you can pin it down and it seems open to hearing you out.) Once feelings are expressed, they seem to change or grow - for better or for worse - so sometimes expressing hate and rage can lead to feeling a bit more peaceful.
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