both? neither?

I have noticed that with the names sometimes it is hard to tell if someone is male or female I am just curious...
Can we list our genders?

There's an "M" on my license.

Please don't forget that sex and gender are two different things, and that sometimes people are born both or neither biologically.

I believe that neither sex nor gender is a dichotomy. There is no 100% We all have aspects of both stereotypes... even anatomically.

To be 100% honest,

no, I'm really not ok. I'll survive, I always do, but things are not going too well for me right now. Sometimes it feels like when it rains it pours. This is one of those times. I'd say that I have a lot on my plate, but I just lost my plate because I couldn't keep paying for it... so I just have... a lot.

(To walk in the shadows alone...)

I think that being alone is a perfect example of "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." We usually fear what may bring us pain, and most things that make us stronger are quite painful. (No pain; no gain!)

It feels like I've been alone most of my life, in the true sense of the word. Lately, I've been basically living the life of a 90 year old whose family is long gone and has no children. (I see maybe 2 other human beings once a week, aside from going to the market every 3 days or so where I interact with the cashier.) At times, the loneliness does make you crazy... but with it comes a sense of independence that is priceless. There's good and bad in everything. Right now, I'm at a point where I'm about to lose my precious privacy... and I fear that. I've been alone so long that I'm used to it. It's being around people that I'm not so sure of. As bad as I can be with people online, with a short fuse and what borders on pompous self-righteousness, I'm 10 times worse offline. That's one of the reasons why I stay away from people. Dealing with them makes me snap MUCH too often, and making them deal with me is close to cruel and unusual punishment.

By those I've been around, I've been called both "alien" and "angel". Whether or not it's a compliment, it still boils down to no one understanding me... and so then you have that sense of being alone even in a crowd of people. That sort of alone is often much more difficult to endure than the physical kind.

I could write a book on the "alone" topic (I'm working on it), but I think that this is enough of a rant for now.

The most precious thing I have?

A piece of looseleaf paper with this written on it:

Jan31

Hey -

I love you - Everything will be okay - Always remember that!

It's a note from the girl I fell in love with in High School - and didn't fall out of love with until... until...

Until everything is "okay", I'll never part with it.

I am.

I am my own conscience... my own God. No one tells me what to do... no one tells me what not to do, except for myself. I don't worry about heaven. I AM heaven.

I'll tell you what... if I woke up tomorrow and found out that all the bible thumpers were right, I'd go to Hell knowing that I did the best I could.

(Concerning the varied definitions of vampires)

I'm the sort who prefers to define things for myself, not based on one person's definition, but usually on my own experience, and a conglomeration of all that I've read and heard, weeding out what I believe to be the truth from what I believe to be false. It's not too important that we all agree on a set definition, just that we agree to allow each other the the opportunity to have our own definitions, and take the time to hear each other out so that we can understand each other. All Vampires may not be like me, but that doesn't make them any less worthy of me calling them one. I have my own definition, and if someone doesn't fall into it, then inside I feel that they aren't a Vampire by my definition, but because they feel that they are a Vampire, I will call them such... it's just an issue of respect. We can sit and debate definitions all day, but in all likelihood, neither of us will change too much in what we know ourselves to be. Like any other label, "Vampire" means many things to many people. It's only important that you know who you are, that way when someone attempts to rip the label off of you, or stick one on you, it won't be so big of a deal.

Protecting the eyes of the young.

Although I'm never a big supporter of that which may give anyone nightmares, my main reason for being upset was not that... nor was it based on my not agreeing with the opinions of the author, as everyone has a right to their own opinion. My main concern is that I'm a Vampire. I've heard and taken crap all my life about it. It wasn't always acceptable on even an underground level. There once was no Vampire (real or otherwise) scene to speak of... what there was was SO underground you could barely find it, even if you used a microscope. I live in Philadelphia, and in the tri-state area (PA, NJ, DE) I met only one other person in my years of searching (pre-Internet) who claimed Vampirism. to this day, I've met a grand total of 3 face to face. I've had my hands full attempting to reeducate everyone I choose to be honest with, as there aren't many of us out here attempting to do it.

There are plenty of fictional sources out there to misinform kids and cause then to hate/fear/judge me. The last thing I need to read is something suggesting to my kids (if I had them) that I'm some sort of a monster who delights in killing people and making women scream... especially in an arena which does its best to dispel the myths.

Like I said, everyone is entitled to their own opinions, and as well, everyone is unique. Perhaps there are some out there who feel and act as the author does. Perhaps there are even Vampires who do... but what it boils down to, is that what was being described was both frightening and illegal. To me, what it did was to suggest that Vampires are pain inflicting criminals at heart. Although I cannot be locked up for my fantasies, I can be locked up for my actions. If it gets into the heads of the masses that Vampires are criminals, then I have to spend my life being scrutinized and suspected... and feared.

The first time my kid showed signs of fearing for their life while in a room with me, my heart would break.

I wouldn't want my kid to read that, not only because I think that they might have nightmares... but because I wouldn't want to play the leading role in them.