Intelligence - Whatever that means

School spoiled me.

I was always put in classes with "smart" kids. I suppose that means I'm "smart".

The problem with that is, by the time I got out of the wonderful world of books and teachers and into the world of debt and working for nothing, I had this warped idea that everyone was "smart"... and if not, just by my nature, I'd be magically pulled away and grouped with those who were.

I have absolutely no tolerance for people who are less intelligent than I am. I spend every waking hour searching for people I can communicate with. Even worse is tolerating a work environment. I don't understand how other people can sit still for it. I never could. Even in school, I didn't sit still for it. I dropped out (3 times) rather than having to listen to people who were, basically, stupid. That was one of the drawbacks to being "smart", I knew that teachers were people. I couldn't treat them any differently than I treated anyone else. I tried to interact with them as an equal. Perhaps along with being "smart", I was also blessed with what many people refer to as a problem with authority. Maybe, but to me, I just can't be told what to do by someone who is less intelligent than I am.

I'm not sure how to define "intelligence". It is rather judgmental of me to think that most people are "stupid". Judgmental or not though, I do it constantly. All I know is that it's torturous to live in a world where concepts that seem so basic to me go 30 miles over the heads of 99% of the world's population. It's something that I was never taught how to handle... one of those classes that just doesn't exist.

It's said that curses and blessings are rather synonymous. I have to agree. I was blessed with intelligence, and cursed with it. Perhaps if the whole word was like the "Stage Kroo" office at GHS I'd get on better in life, but it's not. The world is more like Ms. Tittle's gym class. It doesn't matter if you know how to play the game, just do what I say and stand there waiting for the ball! It doesn't matter if you know the way life should work, just shut up, play along, and pacify the idiots around you.

I suppose this rant makes me seem pretty horrible. It makes me seem as if I'm pompous or snotty. Actually, I'm not. I've gotten pretty good at playing along. I've learned how to stand still waiting for the ball. After all, how will the other people around me ever learn the game if we're not all playing by the same rules? Basically, I go through life having to alter my words and actions in order to make people comfortable. Use words that everyone will understand, and don't speak of things that will be too much of a strain on the listener. I also put a considerable amount of effort into dumbing myself. I've discovered that I can knock a good 30 points off of my IQ score if I drink enough beer.

I miss being in the "smart" class. I miss the privilege of learning from and being challenged by my peers. I miss not having to speak to people as if they were half my age.

I don't miss the bad teachers and administrators though. As an adult, a bad boss can mess up only so much of your life. As a kid, bad authority can scar you for life.

It never really surprised me that my peers couldn't tell that I was being abused. The fact that the teachers and administrators couldn't simply bolsters my theory that I had a lot of really stupid teachers.

There were a few teachers that reached out, that tried to help. They did what they could. They taught. Some even broke the rules for me. Appreciated as that is though, it wasn't enough... then, I'm not so sure what would've been enough.

Perhaps my parents and adult relatives had stupid teachers too. Perhaps that's why they didn't know right from wrong when it came to how to treat a child.

I was a smart kid. Now I'm a mentally disabled thorn in the side of society... fodder for the media.

I should have been a doctor, but due to bad planning....