ummm (2)

I'm in mode, so it's all good. This time, instead of me blowing up the board, it was just done for me. woohoo!

(Checking In....) 2

I'm sorry that your MS has brought you down....and I'm assuming that's the cause of your somewhat nasty tone.


My MS has brought me down?

MS has destroyed my entire life, and has left shit stains on everyone I've ever come in contact with.

I'm an asshole. If I huff and puff, best thing to do is duck.

To be completely honest, the best way to "keep up" with me is reading my blog, or reading what I post here. I rarely answer e-mails, return phone calls, or track people down. The holes in my brain don't let me.

Am I nasty? Probably. J. calls it having an "evil twin". I haven't figured out yet what to call it. I have holes all over my temporal lobes, so I guess I just have a holy hell of a temper.

(Checking In....) 1

You might try, when checking in, actually reading the latest threads on the board, before starting one of your own.

(The board host) was hacked over Memorial Day weekend.

So far, that I know of, I'm here, J.'s here, Wmg is here, A2 is here, you're here.

The board often comes to a stand still. That's what happens when you have an administrator whose brain is being eaten by MS and so continually goes ape shit on the members. After about 5 years, people get tired of it and go elsewhere.

You might try starting a blog, that way you can have an audience that's all your own and all under your control. You never have to worry about anyone else, or bother reading what they have to say.

060805 reply to ~ comment

"Sometimes people are dealt good cards in the family department and it sure sounds like you fall into that catagory. Maybe you need to find an older female to "adopt" you or something? I did that at one point when I was working out some childhood issues. It helped me to have a mother figure who treated me the way I wanted to be treated."

(My reply)
Nice thought, but most women don't go for that sort of thing with guys. At least, that's been my experience. It's easier to find a "Daddy", but then, I'm not really looking for either. The way I see it, I'm pretty much on my own... getting the occasional dose of parental compassion from friends' parents. No one really wants to adopt "kids" in their 30's. Poopy diapers are just easier to deal with than issues. :\

re - ~Invisiballs (5/30/04)

Yes, being diagnosed with MS in November of last year has put another spin on the whole thing. Maybe, because I had MS for the last decade or two, my actions were extreme. My leaving... my rage... maybe it was all MS fueled. I don't know. I don't know that the MS diagnosis cancels out my DID diagnosis, or my PTSD diagnosis.

I don't know.

I do know that it sure as shit doesn't take the rage away.

I called my mother, for the first time in years, when I was diagnosed. (Times like those, you want your mommy... a mommy... anyone's mommy!)

Her response?

"What do you want me to do about it?"


cunt

ummm (1)

I said that I wanted to turn the clock back a year, but this is ridiculous.

---

re - ~Mr. Magee... (5/22/04)

...and as that day progressed, I did, indeed, change.

The brain snapped. I became more and more delusional... closed my eyes to the truth. Saw what I wanted to see... not what was really there.

I suppose that I wanted something to believe in. I suppose that I wanted someone to believe in.

Just goes to learn 'ya... When all else fails, crawl into a hole, and don't speak to another living soul until you get back to the point where you don't feel like you need a damn thing from anyone.

MY BAD.