My Path

Have you ever wished that you could go through life honestly? I mean, being 100% honest with people... telling them how you really felt about them, the good, the bad, and the ugly, all of the time. I've often wished that. I think that I used the Internet to play around with that... to see "what would happen if..."

I played. I watched people play. I let people think that I didn't have a clue. I let people think lots of things. It didn't matter. It wasn't real. (right, sk?) I fooled a lot of people. I successfully fooled myself. It was necessary. I did a swan dive into cyberspace and took care of what I needed to take care of for me... had some fun... helped a few people out now and again. I flew around, breathing fire like a dragon and when on the ground, hurling feces like a good primate... and I howled. I howled until the howl was answered.

It's coming to a close. It's been over 5 years that I've had "Internet" as my full time job. It's an interesting field. It's not just writing. It's not just navigating. It's drama, social skills, art, psychology, occult studies, P.I. work. I think I have my Masters degree now.

I did say that I didn't play well with others. I didn't lie about that. I'm as selfish, cruel, unfeeling, hypocritical, and egotistical as I've ever accused anyone else of being. I was trained well, and I trained myself well. I'm very good at being very bad. Did you know that you can make others feel good about themselves by simply being an asshole? It's crafty, yet rather effective.

We're all just entertainment to one another. We're not real. We project our emotions and insecurities onto one another. We turn each other into who we want each other to be. We love, we hate, we laugh, we cry, and sometimes we even die. We use one another. We're all just psy-vamping through cyberspace, "Aren't I wonderful!"(ing) and "Woe is me!"(ing), until we feel like Gods or Demons. Freaks and Geeks. Humans.

Did we really care, or were we just hungry? Does it really matter?

I followed my Ravens. They led me to the other side of the country, to my family, to my home, to what I've been searching for my whole life.

My name is Jx. I'm a thief, a liar, a whore, a beast, and a manipulator.

I'm no angel.