~A plague I call a heartbeat

So, I have MS. Now, I suppose, I have some decisions to make. There are some drugs, which may or may not help to prevent future "flare ups". Nothing un-does the damage already done. I suppose they consider this an attempt at preserving "quality of life". That's where I have to start thinking. Quality of life? Quality of life!?!?! My life has SUCKED SHIT! Do I really want to keep going with more of the same?

I could get into details... rant on and on about what I've gone through in my 35 years which has made my life so fucking horrible, and what is still going on, but what good would that do? Do I need permission to check out? At what point is calling it a day valid, understandable, or at least forgivable?

So, do I wait until I need someone to wipe my ass for me, or do I just check out while I can still take responsibility for my own actions? Is dying with dignity even a remote possibility?

I'm tired. I'm always tired.

See these eyes so green
I can stare for a thousand years
Just be still with me
You wouldn't believe what I've been through ~