~Turn It Off

My brain is full enough, permasnot aside, I just can't seem to get things into words. I suppose that it's like the proverbial "deer in headlights". It's all just too much. I have to focus on the really important things like... breathing... and whether or not I remembered to put my pants on. Yes, at this point in my life, those things actually do take effort. It happens sometimes.

My head feels crowded... unable to focus. It's all I can do to just get through the day. I have to tell myself not to think... don't think, it only goes in circles... if I think, it'll take me an hour to even decide whether or not to go to the bathroom. So far, I've been lucky there. I manage to make up my mind... to stop the debate before shit happens.

I want to keep in mind, maybe hide it somewhere in the permasnot, "this too shall pass". I guess that it would help if I actually believed it. I think that at this point in my life, I'm just plain out of hope. Permasnot is permasnot. MS is MS. My brain is my brain.

I do the best I can.

Think I'll try to stop thinking now. This entry is long enough.