defining feminism - cont'd

Although not all feminists are man haters, in my experience, most women who wear the "feminist" label are... and at least, if they don't downright hate men, they stereotype them at least as negatively, if not more so, than most men stereotype women.

Do I have a personal investment in the "Person that hurt me = Man = beard = Follows Ravens, for example." statement? Absolutely. I'm perceived as a man and so therefor am treated as a man. Whether it's a guy who thinks that I too would enjoy ogling his 14 year old stepdaughter, or a woman who won't talk to me about her cramps, I'm judged by the way I look. Being that I spent over a decade immersed in the LGBT community watching people's reactions to me change as I went from looking like a 15 year old boy who everyone said was a gay woman, and who (seemingly) everyone wanted to sleep with, to looking like a 20 year old man who, no matter what people said, had to nearly beg to get served in the lesbian bar while out with friends... yes... there's some bitterness there. I have a unique perspective. I get to be/got to be a spy for both "camps". I can honestly say that when it comes to judging people by apparent sex, and treating them deplorably because of that, men do not have the corner on the market.

I think that nearly all people judge based on apparent sex. It's the first thing that runs through a person's mind when meeting another person. The brain says, "he/she's a man/woman; am I attracted to him/her?" Then, it answers the question. After answering that question, it moves on to determining how to address that person, what's ok to share with the person... it draws on all the lovely societally programmed instructions about what a man can do with a woman, a man can do with a man, a woman can do with a woman, a woman can do with a man, and what to do if you're not sure about someone's sex.

Then, maybe you say hello.

According to the dictionary, I'm a feminist... but you know what? Attaching that label to myself as a perceived man means something entirely different than it would as either a perceived woman or as a person of indeterminable sex. As a man, the label makes one "softer". As a woman, it makes one "harder". Amazing stuff.

Do I "hate men" or judge people based on perceived sex? Yup. Sure do. I stereotype and buckle to my societal programming with the worst of 'em. I guess that's why I spend so much time attempting to "deconstruct" labels like these. In reality, I'm attempting to deconstruct (deprogram) myself.