~Bring it on

It's funny. Out of all the entries, this blog entry is at the very core of why I started this blog. True, not many have actually started from the beginning of my blog and read the whole thing, but I'd like to think that people who read a blog daily would at least check out the beginning of it.

You can't go back in time... but you carry your past with you. It shapes you... admit it or not.


I've been to the bottom. I've had those I love most spit on me. I've been locked away. I've been branded a freak. I've shit in buckets in abandoned houses. I've had doctors poke at my genitals as if poking at a dead frog. I've sucked dick for drugs. I've been fucked and kept a smile for food. I've slept under trash. I've had my ass kicked for my appearance. I've had my belongings given away, thrown away, and burned. I've used my leather jacket as a pillow, and as a blanket. I've been mugged at gunpoint. I've had my head slammed with wood. I've had cameras stuck up my urethra. I've passed blood clots the size of my fist through an opening the size of a pea. I've been operated on. I've had bugs living under my skin. I've been cut, punched, slapped, had my hair ripped out, kicked, and stabbed in the back repeatedly. I've had friends and family die. I've lost the right to be around children. I've lost the right to be around family. I've had diseases. I've been in car accidents. I've been in a fire. I've been lost in strange places. I've been on Welfare. I've eaten in soup kitchens. I've spent evenings in Crack houses and late nights in Emergency Rooms. I've been to Rehab. I've had my skin engraved. I've had teeth pulled. I've broken bones. I've punched brick walls. I know what chains feel like while being beat with them, what leather feels like when it stings your skin, and what it feels like to get on stage in front of hundreds of people.

I know what it's like to have people trying to make a movie out of your core.