DragonCon (A rant) - (explaining further)

I really don't have a problem with feeling "insecure", I don't think. It's tough to explain. "Insecure" would mean that I'm not sure of myself or fear judgment, or something like that, I think. It's probably more some form of intolerance, in my case. As much as I tend to "wig out" online, when I actually do "wig out" offline, it can be pretty dangerous... more so to myself than to anyone else, but it has happened that I've gone over the edge and hurt people. I just know my limitations, and I do my best to stay within them... but the more people I have to deal with, the less able I am to do that.

I'd get into the whole MPD explanation about what goes on, but actually... I did that before, and it was a waste of time. (yes, there is some bitterness here) The reality is that it's not up to other people to cater to my "disorder", it's up to me to stay away from people, because time and time again it proves to be the only solution. There's too much at risk, not the least of which is my life. It sucks, but no matter how much I want to go this year, last year made a pretty big point to me. I can't go unless I can afford to... and that means having enough money to provide myself a "safe" environment.

(Actually, I did the calculations. If I was to attend DragonCon, I'd need (at this point in my life), about $2000. I just don't have that sort of money.)