looking back (more)

(and if I could go back?)

Honestly, knowing myself, it wouldn't change a thing. First off, I knew the facts then, as well as I do now. Talking to me would not have caused me to let those facts sink in any more than they did then. Think back a bit... Since when do I ever listen to anyone? I was/am much too stubborn to let the words of another influence me to much of a degree... unless she happens/happened to be my "girlfriend".

Even if things changed a bit... "I" really don't think that "I" would be a different "me". I'd just have the memory of some guy who claimed to be me attempting to gain access into the apartment.

Funny thing/odd thing is (taking this to a whole new level), that actually happened. I've done the traveling, and remember my own presence there. There's a bit of a difference between actual time travel and Astral travel though. I was there when the old me threw out that writing. I was too much of a mess to listen. I forgive myself for it, and I also know that things happen for a reason. The decisions I made at that time, right before moving to KY, were among the most critical of my entire life. I did what I had to do, but despite that, it wasn't painless. It's not that I shouldn't have thrown out the writing... it's just that I regret having to do it.

I could get into this more... but I just don't know if 1. people will understand what I'm saying and 2. I can articulate it well enough.


Yes, I wish that I could go back.
Yes, I HAVE gone back.

My wishing that I can go back is the only thing that put me there in the first place. If I didn't wish that I could go back now, I wouldn't have been there in the first place then.


(and, to clarify further...)

...there is no history.

The truth is that there's no past, no future... it's all one moment.

Think of parallel universes.... each universe consisting of one nanosecond. They all exist at the same time... but when you travel from one to another, you think that there's a such thing as "time".

Welcome to the Astral world.