...In the pants... (h)

Maybe I'm just projecting my own stuff (that is what most of us do though).

From a very young age, my entire body felt "wrong". To this day, I still can't get it through my skull that there's nothing big enough to pull out when I approach a toilet... or that there's nothing to protect in a fight... or that there's nothing there to cause the sensations which I actually feel, other than brain activity.

Things which were supposed to be there, weren't... things that weren't supposed to be there, were... but it was like a phantom limb thing. I knew what my body should look like, but it was different every time I looked at it. It simply wasn't my body. Really? It still isn't... but I can deal a little better than I used to. I'm "Intersexed", and I'm doing my best to live with that. I'm a transsexual, and I'm doing my best to live with that. My gender is masculine. I'm a guy who is WAY in touch with his feminine side. My sex is Intersexed. I have physical attributes of both/all recognized sexes. What should I be? Well, there's a reason I am they way I am... so I can't say that I should be otherwise. I couldn't have learned the lessons I have, if I were any other way... but I could stand for living as a biologically "normal" male for a while. Life is pretty rough like this, and I get tired of it a lot. I think it'd be worse as a biologically "normal" female though... although I'm sure I could survive it for a few years if I had to. It does have its perks... but least the way I look now is closer to what I feel is right for me.


I could see this as transsexualism... or take it to another level, and involve past lives... but either way, although I appreciate the opportuinity to experience life this way... I REALLY need a fucking break in the next life.