~fingertips

Had to trim my beard. Pisses me off. I don't like cutting my beard. I have to though, once it reaches a certain length, I can't stop ripping it out. Gets to the point where my face (under my chin) gets infected and my fingertips hurt. It's pretty painful.

It's not that hair pulling disorder, it has to do with my fingertips. I've had it since I was born. I would rub the edges of my baby blanket between my fingertips until the blanket had holes in it. From there I graduated to other pieces of fabric, and then to the edge of my ear.

It's not all hair, it's just my beard...and it's only certain edges of certain fabrics. Sometimes I use rubber bands, but only certain ones. Not the flat kind, the round ones. I won't even go into what I do to my skin. I'll leave it at that if there's even the slightest bump, I'll pick and pick until it's level.

It's a weird OCD thing. It makes no sense to me, and I don't know why I can't stop. Even now, having trimmed the beard, I'm finding the few hairs which are slightly longer than the rest.

I guess it's better than my ear. The cartilage in my right ear is pretty damaged from a few decades of it. It's also better than my skin. My skin looks like hell.

My monster (pronounced "mother") called it "twiddling".

I call it frustrating.