~No place like home

It's another morning. It's difficult to believe that I've been here ("here" being my new apartment) almost two weeks. The time has passed quickly. This is a good thing. They say "time flies, when you're having fun", so I guess that means things must be going well here.

I remember thinking, before I left PA, that I could be in any apartment, anywhere, and I wouldn't know the difference. True enough. I don't go out. I could be anywhere, spending time online. "Online" has become my world.

I used to go out all the time. My apartment was just a "crash pad". I was always very social. In '99, my health put me in the position of not being able to get out. It made me nuts. So, I cancelled tv and signed up for Internet. I've been online since then.

In my (almost) 36 years, I've moved 43 times. My concept of "home" is forever being challenged. The longest I lived in any one place was 4 years. I've been online for 5. Is "online", "home"? I really don't know.

I like "online". "Online" is safe. There is a lot of freedom online... and the worst that can happen online, is that you get a computer virus, or get hacked, or some such thing that fucks with your cyber-world. True, people can get info from you, and fuck with your offline world, but that still doesn't fuck with the online world. No matter what happens, (generally) the sites I go to will still be there... the things I enjoy doing, and the people I enjoy "seeing" will still be there. Reliable.

I spend a lot of time missing "home". I define "home" as Philly. Problem is, it's the idealized Philly in my memory. It's not really Philly, as it is. Most of the people I spent time with are long gone. Most of the places I hung out at are either gone or changed beyond recognition. So, what is that I really miss?

I don't know. Maybe, I just miss being healthy.