NOT a DragonCon rant.

Due to obvious misinterpretations with my last thread, I wanted to repost this, with a few changes. This isn't a place where I want to discuss last year's Dragon Con. It's more just statement about my life, my head, and attempting to understand it.

No matter how bad an experience is, how come we tend to idealize it after time passes? I had a bad experience at last year's Dragon Con, yet there is still a part of me that desires to go back.


DragonCon 2002 is around the corner... and because, apparently, that's the way the human mind works... I'm actually feeling bad about the fact that I can't afford to go this year. Pretty twisted, huh. I don't know why I feel like I wish I could go, maybe it's like what I used to do with PTD... keep going back for more with the hope that things will, someday, be perfect.

The problem is... wherever you go, there you are. It's not that the event wasn't perfect, it's that I'm not perfect. No matter where I go, these issues arise. I'm intolerant, oversensitive, paranoid, antisocial, and damnit... I have an illness. It's odd how if you have a broken toe people go easy on you, but if your brain is broken you're either shunned, discriminated against, or simply disbelieved.

So... what do I do? Do I stay in my apartment for the rest of my life? I can't expect the world to compensate for my disability, can I? Shit, I can't even expect people to believe that I have one, let alone take it into consideration. *sighs*

I do wish that I'd hit the lottery. If I did, I'd get a room and be there... and I'd attempt to learn from last time... and maybe... I'd have some fun... and maybe I wouldn't. It's all about money though, as usual... and all about my damn disability, as usual. If it wasn't for the fact that I have the damn disability in the first place, I could afford to go. "Afford" it financially, and "afford" it mentally.