(family?)

BSRP -

I don't mind that you got upset. It's ok to get upset. (Better out than in!) It wasn't my intention to upset you, but I'd much rather you express yourself if I do than not say anything. I'm trying to get people to not walk away here... I want people to post.

Yes, the word "family" is tossed around a lot. In some cases, I feel that it's accurate. In others, it infuriates me.

For example, T. recently posted a question about its use, and I replied. In it, he said, "please appreciate that I do not and will not seek an on-line family substitute. Friends, yes. Family, no." Part of my reply was, "my primary issue with the "family" thing is that when people repeatedly call the members on this board "family", or "friend", it should actually mean something"

In the same day, later on, H. went into T.'s hello thread and said "Welcome to the family".

(My translation: Hi stranger! Don't expect me to actually read your posts, but I'll do my best to pretend to love you!) Great message to send a new member.

I was so pissed that I think that I was laughing. "Unfuckingbelievable" was pretty much the word that came to mind.

I didn't post in T.'s hello thread... didn't want to crash it. As well, I'm scared to post here, singling out H.... but you know what... if I don't, and I post a general thread asking people to PLEASE READ what's on the board, then I'll have most of the people on the board feeling like you felt... like I'm addressing them, even if I'm not.

I don't know... I don't know whether to single people out, or try not to. It seems that either way, I end up hurting someone... and looking/feeling like a complete asshole.

Here's another point about "family". I have 3 people on this board that I am related to (in the Webster's sense of the word); My sister, my brother, and my dad-unit.

With my brother, he's always made it clear, to me and to the members of the board, that he is who he is... that posting borders on feeling like getting a paper cut most days. That he doesn't post a lot will never change. I'll always call him family. He's my brother. Should you folks call him "family"? Should he call you "family"? Nope. He doesn't post enough, really. People here barely know him. I'll never "delete" him though. He's family to me, and he does try. That makes him an exception.

I'm probably going to end up deleting my sister, and my dad-unit, if they don't get their butts here and say peep soon. They're "family" to me because of blood and marriages, but to me, "family" also means caring enough to make an effort. Their not posting, combined with a strained offline relationship has brought me to the point of saying "Au revoir", in so far as this board is concerned. At least my brother tries; he reads, he posts every now and again. ("dad-unit") disappeared after professing to really love this board. (sister), because of her life, simply has no time... but... there's only a certain amount of months that can go by before "no time" becomes an excuse rather than the truth.


That said... If I'd delete my own "real life" family members, why in hell should I do any different with people who do the same thing that I've never even gone to a funeral with, y'know?


Is H. someone I'd call "family"? Nope. Am I deleting her? Nope. She just posted recently, so I won't... but... that doesn't change the fact that I don't see her as family. Her referring to me/us as "family" is actually insulting... in the same way (sister) and ("dad-unit") not posting is. If "family" is the way you see me, treat me as such... if you can't treat me as such don't use the word. That "word" carries weight. If you use it, you get my hopes up. All of a sudden, I expect you to show me that you care... in a way that I can understand that you care.

The reason I don't see H. as family is because... well... I really don't know her. I've never had the chance to get to know her. Would I like to get to know her? YES! That's why I hit the "approve" button when her named popped up as requesting membership... but... I don't. Why? She doesn't read enough, and doesn't post enough. That could change, but as of now... that's the way I see it. Maybe my seeing it that way (and expressing it here) will hurt her feelings. I don't want to hurt her feelings... but... the alternative is to keep my mouth shut and allow my own feelings to be hurt over and over again.

The same with you. I REALLY want to get to know you better. From our history, between chats, posts, and e-mails, I know you a little. Can I call you "family"? Only loosely. I simply don't know you as well as all that. Why? ummmm... you don't post much... and we don't go to the same funerals.

Do I want to?

ABSOLUTELY.

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11:39 AM
BSRP - I just hope that you end up feeling a bit better about things.

J. - I consider you "family".

CB... I saved this last night, and posted what I did to you instead of "snapping" with this post.

This was my original response:

CB...

I spent a REALLY long time on that post. 9 HOURS, between the thinking and the typing and the editing and the rephrasing... Your only posting those 3 sentences was insulting to me.

The only thing running through my mind right now is "why the fuck did I bother?"

To which you'll reply all about how no matter what you do, it's not good enough.

I can't win.

Is there anyone here who can possibly explain to CB why his response was completely insulting? Is there anyone here who could possibly explain to me how I'm not supposed to be insulted by it? Can anyone just pretend they're CB for a bit and respond to what I posted?

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3:34 PM
It's been about 4 hours... I've done good... not saying anything... not even hinting at the fact that I'm past angry.

I'm still not "calm".

I'm going to say something... and I'm going to do my best to not break laws, and to make sure things are as clear as possible before I turn it over to RBW, who just had to endure quite a bit of my foaming at the mouth. Because I'm completely hostile, no matter how calm I seem, I'd rather she "speak for me". If I attempt to express myself, I'll suffer for it.


1) You completely overstepped your bounds.
2) FOR YOU... NEVER overstep them again.
3) It's apparent you don't know me at all. If you have any interest in ever getting to know me... stop thinking that we have all that much in common.


WE DON'T.

I'll now go back to seeming like I'm calm about the whole thing.