(No Pain, well...no pain.)

(from a conversation with Sv about Martial Arts)

I certainly put the two and two together, but I didn't want to make too many assumptions. I think we talked about this before (online)... about feeling sexually charged from fighting... or was it hunting (difference?).

It just makes me think more about the whole sexual power exchange thing... about whether or not it really does vary person to person, or whether it's just fact that tops feel vulnerable on a daily basis and bottoms feel in control. I think I read a book, maybe sometime in the early 90s, about S&M in everyday life. I don't know why I'm thinking that Pat Califia had something to do with it, but... it's also simple logic, I think. The bedroom is "private"... where most can allow themselves to do things they're not free to do on a daily basis. Despite all the arguments I've heard, I've never met someone who indulged in SM/BD who didn't have power issues outside the bedroom.

From my perspective, as a (most always) "top", it's a game I'm, in truth, playing with myself. It's more... how far can I go and still stop myself from crossing the line. It's more myself that I'm topping. It could be anyone there with me... it doesn't really matter. They're nothing. (blunt, but honest) It's about how cruel I can become before I have to give in to that inherent ("human"(?)) need to be kind.

If I apply that to what a (usually) bottom might be going through on a mental level... it could be, how "low" can I go before I have to come back up. (?) How powerless can I allow myself to be before I have to give into that inherent ("human"(?)) need for control. (?) (Leads to a whole Were vs. Human in SM/BD discussion, but I don't know that this topic is the place.)

That in mind... training the way you are... does it apply in reverse? Is it... almost a revenge (for lack of a better word) type of thing? (I'll get you for rubbing my face in the dirt!) The street experience affects the bedroom brain... does the bedroom experience not affect the street brain? Does what you experience sexually end up motivating you athletically? Does it become that "bounce back"? Are you, in a way, kicking the shit out of that guy who rubbed your face in the dirt the night before, as well as charging yourself up for your next experience?