~Right and Wrong

I don't know that I'm the nicest guy in the world. I know that I can be, but I know that I can be a real asshole as well.

I've done a few things in my life that I feel pretty badly about doing. Stealing was a bit of a problem for me for a while. I used to work the door at Philly punk shows, for a while (in '84 or '85). I stole some money. I was found out. I was beyond ashamed. I think that I did actually pay back the money, although for the life of me I can't remember if I paid all of it back. It wouldn't surprise me if I didn't.

I'd like to think that it was the desperation of being a "runaway" at the time, but I know that's not true. I took it because I was a stupid kid with sticky fingers. To this day I feel like crap about it... especially because of where I was taking the money from. Chuck was a good guy. (To say nothing of where the money from the shows actually went and how important that was.) When I left home, I stayed with him and Tim and my friend Kyoko for a while. I paid him for the space, but he didn't have to let me stay there. Too, he worked his ass off to put on those shows. It was just really fucking wrong.

I bumped into Chuck a few years back at the Ruin reunion show. I approached him, and actually tried to apologize. He didn't even remember it happening. He almost didn't recognize me either (I changed a lot between 15 and 27 or 28), but eventually he did. He was cool to me, and that felt pretty good.

It's odd... I sort of idolized Chuck, I think. I think that in a way I still do.