~We don't wear the same shoe size.

So, what the hell happened to me....

The answer I usually give is "long story", but that's actually putting it lightly. True, it is a long series of events that landed me where I am, but if I try to explain it in less than about oh... maybe a couple years time, it's not really understandable. One thing leads to another, and although each event can be seen as pretty extreme in and of itself, the how and why each event occurred (and hence having to tell the whole damn story) is necessary for anything to really make any sense, in so far as explanations go.

I'll tell people I'm "trapped in the burbs", but how I ended up here and why exactly it is that I'm "trapped" is pretty essential to answering questions like "Why can't you get to the show?" or "How come you can't get to the doctor?". People are rarely satisfied with a "because I can't" answer. Usually they try to put themselves in the same situation... but therein lies the problem. They're not me. My reasons are valid, it just takes forever to explain them to people, and even longer for them to really get it.

I do have a job. Two, actually. My jobs are just as difficult as anyone else's, if not more so. People don't understand that though, they're busy "projecting".... putting themselves in my situation. It's sort of like standing there asking a paraplegic why he can't walk, and thinking it must surely be because he just wants to sit around in a chair his whole life (because that's what you really wish you could do if you could just find the excuse to)... that if you want something badly enough... blah blah blah. It's "I can get up, take a shower, brush my teeth, shave my face, make coffee, get to work, shuffle papers for 8 hours, get home, walk the dog, smack the kid, fuck the wife, eat dinner, watch Leno, and go to bed. Why can't you just do your fucking laundry? It's obviously because you want to get away with not doing it, because doing laundry sucks. I hate doing laundry. I never want to do laundy, but I manage. "

Why? Because I'm me, and you're you. I actually want to do my laundry, I just CAN'T.

Why can't you get your dick and balls cut off, your brains stirred with a screwdriver and just be a perky positive functional motivated person?

I digress.

I have two jobs. #1 - Don't kill myself. #2 - Don't kill anyone else.

...and I never get a day off.