~Let it go

Some people, who don't know me all too well, but who do actually care, have suggested making friends with the happy Buddha.

Been there, done that. ...ok, maybe I didn't go with it all the way into monkdom, but it certainly was a path I walked on for a while. The peaceful warrior becomes the pissed off warrior, right about the time he becomes the pissed on warrior.

Our brains control our emotions. If our brains are broken, it's not about making choices anymore... It just becomes about hoping that you can get through the next episode of rage without spilling blood. I can't control my emotions. I can still control my actions, to a degree, so I try to focus on that. (Wish I could control my damn mouth/fingers better.)

What has worked for me? Well... um... beer? Seriously, that's the one thing that has actually helped. Smoking too, as it relaxes and distracts me, but especially alcohol. Sometimes, when things get beyond rough, all I can do is put myself out. It's either that, or take the drugs that do it, but they have side effects I can't handle at all.

I've gotten to the point where I can, usually, feel it coming on. I can feel when I start to spiral. I use every trick in the book to stop the spiral, but like a hurricane, there are just some things we cannot control.

So, although the Buddists have a great system, I think that it only works if one has a "standard" brain. I'm pretty sure that mine's an automatic.