~Stress! The other white meat!

It's September. You'd think I'd be used to this, as many Septembers as I've been through. September is when things start to get really bad with my head. My actual birthday is always bad, but that's Psych stuff. I guess that, perhaps, the psych stuff aggravates the MS stuff. It starts off bad in September, slowly climbs through October, and then it's November. November is really bad. December, that's just where I get to spend all of my strength trying not to kill myself. Then, January comes. January is a bit better, and all the way up to May it's just a steady sort of "bad". May's usually rough. June, July, and August are usually just about me holding on in whatever way I possibly can... and then comes September again.

I'm sure that there are many different reasons why there seems to be a pattern... including that maybe I'm just looking for patterns where there are none, and just creating them. All I know for sure, is that September has always been bad.... and that "the holidays" have always been bad, no matter what I do to change things... and I have tried many things. Don't suggest meditation, or I'll bitch slap you. (For fuck's sake... I've had this problem for the majority of my life, do you think it never occured to me to take a "holistic" approach? It's like someone suggesting chamomile tea for my sleep problems. I've had a sleep disorder for over thirty fucking years!!! Do you REALLY think that I'm THAT MUCH of a fucking IDIOT!?! No, tea never fucking occurred to me. Fucking Einstein.)

Sorry, I tend to rant.

Anyway... I'm inclined to believe that it really is just the psych stuff setting off the MS. There seems to be no other explanation. So, I'm supposed to avoid stress. I have to chuckle a little at that. Just having this damn disease is stressful. The realities of my life are stressful.

Shoot, just writing this is stressful.


I need a drink.