~Who are you?

I've been here, online, for hours now... doing what I do.... surfing, reading, following my racing mind wherever it takes me. I've always liked "adventure".

Thought about an old girlfriend of mine, last night. It occurred to me, that I have no clue what she ate for lunch, back then... in High School. It just hit me as sort of funny, that as close as we were, we didn't know one another very well. It was an odd affair, that one... went on for years, behind a lot of closed doors. I'm pretty sure though, that it was the only time I've ever really been "in love" with someone... pretty sure that it was the only time I was capable of it... and I'm pretty sure, it ruined me. That's what being in love does... scars you, if things don't pan out.

I often obsess. It's generally harmless. I think about people I was once close with, or want to be close to, or places I once lived or played... ride the emotional wave... enjoy the pain of loss... the feeling of being alive... of having actually LIVED. I've done a lot in my life... many things which few others have done... and I have the scars to prove it.

What did I do today...? I LIVED. I didn't go through the motions. I FELT things, and thought about things, and faced things, and didn't hide from any of it. Life isn't about shutting down and going to work and ignorantly watching the latest Reality TV show... not for me. For me? Life is about BEING. It's about not having to hide from myself. It's about doing whatever it takes to get to the next GENUINE smile. It's about not selling my soul. It's about giving up the million dollar home for a beer, a smoke, and a good fuck. It's about giving up the dna carriers for a few tattoos, an intimate understanding of the gutter, and a few thousand pages of memoirs. It's about giving up the trophy-partner, so that I could actually cum with each one of the 57 different people I had sex with, without having to fake it even once, and without having to lie about it later.

I really don't give a damn that I didn't shave my head today, like I'd wanted to last night. I have the freedom to just do it later... or not.

I like my scars. They add character.