507pm101905 ~comment

(In "not dead yet")

Some time ago I went through a bout of severe depression . Actually I was seriously considering suicide . I figured though that I owe it to my kid ( who was much younger at that time , he's 17 now ) to seek help, hence I started my pilgrimage through the psychiatrists /psychologists offices .In general I have a very hard time accepting mood and mind altering medication so I was started with the left foot in that direction , but to my surprise , the only shrink that did not pull his prescription pad immediately and more importantly did not label me pathologically mentally ill asked me one question : what book is on your night stand now ?? I said I am reading Faulkner , As I lay dying . He shouted out loud , There's your problem. Stop reading morose material from clinically depressed little fellows and you won't feel that dismal yourself. Needless to say that years after that I am still seeing him and our conversations are a joy !! I guess the moral of my story is that the effect our cognitive stimuli has on our psych is underestimated sometimes

A____


I've done my rounds of fighting with depression, that's for damn sure, to say nothing of the therapy. I'm using that, as much as I can. "Think positive" "Don't get into that downward depression spiral" "You never know"...

...and then, I get dizzy, and can't see the screen of my laptop for more than 5 minutes at a time, and I say "Fuck it.", and I go back to laying in bed, wondering what will happen after I die.