~another day, another lesion

Yeah, the head's not too good. I want to write, but it's difficult. Damn eyes are making me nuts. Vision goes in and out of focus way too slowly.

I have an appointment with the Neurodude in a few weeks. I already know what he's going to tell me. I didn't listen to him... didn't go into the stupid hospital back in August. Whatever. Maybe, once he starts treating my symptoms, I won't be so cranky about the whole thing, but as of now, it seems that there isn't much they can do. Pain killers won't work because the pain is neurological, so they say. Nothing they can do about my ears... the ringing or the hypersensitivity. The things like rage and being completely paranoid, he doesn't seem to want to deal with at all. He seems to think that the Solu-Medrol treatments are what I need to do. They "reduce swelling". Ummmm.... ok. So, what exactly is that going to do? Last time I went in, I actually got worse.

It's pretty screwed up... they seem to know less about this disease than the people with it know. All they really know is that they can't cure it.

The whole dying thing is difficult to chew on. Yes, this disease is killing me. That's true, but the when and how exactly are not certain. I give it a couple of years until I just can't take anymore. I really am trying not to be so negative, but it's tough.

My head hurts.