~The Game

My head is hurting. It's a weird hurt, although not completely unusual. Describing the various pains which come along with this disease is enough to make a person's head hurt alone. That's one of the more annoying things about my trips to the Neurodude... the part where he asks me to describe this, that, or the other pain. My loss though... as of yet, I don't have any medication for pain. True, I have Inderal and Ibuprofen, but honestly, that's like putting a band-aid on a dangling limb.

I'm a bit nervous about Monday's appointment. I don't want to completely snap in there. It's just that they're really pushing me... I don't play games well. True, if I want their help, I have to play their game, but I'm tired of the game. I don't like the game. Playing the game makes me sicker.

Maybe I should just go in there and answer everything in "yes" or "no" answers. ...stop trying to describe things... trying to describe things only confuses them.

"Are you in pain?"
"Yes."
"Describe the pain."
"No."
"Why won't you describe the pain?"
"No."

That's about where they'll refer me to Psych.


It's time to take my Inderal. I don't want to. I want to stop taking it. I'm tired of taking drugs which you have to take, whether or not you're feeling the symptom they're prescribed for.

I hate that all the good drugs are either illegal or off limits to me. They don't like giving pain killers to angry guys with tattoos. They think that we'll sell them, or that we don't really need them. I wish I could act like a pussy... maybe then they'd give me meds that work.