January 30, 2006

7:48 AM - 1/30/06
~should be interesting

Last night was a rough night. Too much emotion, too little time. It's like my brain vomits intensity all over me. Raw nerves. I guess that's about the size of it.

Today is bound to be frustrating. Getting in touch with Neurodude is like pulling shark teeth. Damn near impossible. I've already started the preliminary conversation in my head...

"Can you please page my Neurodude for me?"
"What is this regarding?"
DEEP BREATH

ok, what the FUCK am I supposed to say? "Regarding the fact that you people have your heads up your asses!"? How about, "Regarding the fact that I want to blow up the Emergency Department!"? Maybe, "Regarding the fact that I have MS, and he's supposed to be my doctor, you fucking Einstein!"?

I don't know how this is going to go. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but where there's no hope, there's way too much room for the Rage to creep in.

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8:25 AM - 1/30/06
~YAY!!!

The clock is fixed!!!!!



WOOHOO!!!

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5:34 PM - 1/30/06
~stubborn

Neurodude is still on vacation, and won't be back until Thursday. They're trying just about everything in the book to get me to come into the hospital. I think that they completely lost the battle when they admitted to me that the MRI machines are down. No MRI, no Solu-Medrol. I'm not going through that hell for nothing. If there's no MRI, there's no proof. If there's no proof, it's my word against theirs, and, invariably, I end up losing.

You want to pump me full of chemicals until my tongue swells, you'd better show me what it is you're aiming to treat with the crap, and then show me that what you did to me actually worked.

I'd rather risk going permanently blind in one eye than go into the hospital. I think that says a lot about the state of hospitals in this country.