January 8, 2006

4:11 AM - 1/8/06
~twisted

Drank a lot, last night. I vaguely remember the evening, but not entirely. Took a sleeping pill around 9 or so. I was pretty altered. I needed to be. Sometimes, that's the only way I get through.

Woke up around 2AM. I forget what was on the tv. I think that I'd been watching the Redskins and Tampa Bay earlier. Apparently the Redskins won, and the Patriots won the next game. Bummer I missed it.

I'm getting back to that depressed point... fuck everything, it's never going to get better, it's only getting worse, may as well be stupid and hope that I can get to the point where I hate myself enough to die ungracefully. While I'm at it, maybe I can manage to get everyone else to the point where they hate me, that way they won't feel bad when I'm gone. Yeah, that point.

I still feel pretty altered... not well... like I want to disappear.

I need more sleep.

---

4:34 PM - 1/8/06
~and it goes on

I guess I don't feel too much like writing. That's rare for me. Usually, I write as much as I breathe. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Talked (on the phone) with an old friend, today. It makes me smile. I've met some of the best people, in my life. I've been very lucky that way. I've had SHIT luck otherwise, but in so far as meeting the best of the best? I've definitely won.

I'm doing my best to zone things out. Today, the most annoying things were my eyesight and being dizzy. Earlier, I had some weird things going on with my right ear, but I can still hear out of it, so, that's all that matters.

Guess I'll be in bed. It seems that it's a comfy place. I just laid there, hugging Bunny, earlier today. I don't do that much. I'm not much of a hugger. I didn't even sleep with Bunny for a long while. Over the past few years, he sleeps with me.


Got really bothered by a thought I had, the other day... I thought... SHIT, what if I die?!? EEEEEW!!!!!

I hope that someone saves Bunny. Even if he's goopy... he can be washed. I swear! :(