February 18, 2006

2:28 AM - 2/18/06
~from last year

Just found this, wanted to post it here.

07-30-2005, 09:45 AM
Here's an idea:
DID is caused by trauma. Disease is traumatic. Is it such a jump to think that one can develop "personalities" to deal with the effects of a disease like MS?

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7:43 PM - 2/18/06
~call me Psychic

Pretty odd. Sybil was on today. I watched it. I was about 7 when the movie came out. I don't think that I saw it until after my MPD diagnosis though, and that was in '94. If I did, I don't remember it. It's an interesting perspective. DID is as variable as MS. Everyone is, actually, pretty different. If the DID diagnosis was/is accurate, I was never as split up as Sybil. I usually did have a certain amount of co-consciousness. Still do. I still switch, or shift, or whatever, but I don't black out as much, I don't think. I deal with my MS like I dealt with DID. I write things down a lot. I leave clues... reminders. Usually, those "keys" get back things that I "forget". Yes, it does feel like it was someone else doing or saying those things, but I know it was me. I wrote it down. I know my own handwriting, usually. If I don't, I just figure it was me anyway.

Whether "DID" is accurate or not doesn't really matter. I know that I dissociate. I'm ok with that though. It's a useful skill. Shoot, when some idiot all but puts your IV in sideways, it pays to know how to dissociate.

I wish I could go out. I don't feel too bad. Tired, but ok. I wish that there were a Gay bar nearby. I miss my people. Yes, I'm Gay. So what. It just means I really like myself.

American Gigolo is now on... the same channel as Sybil was on. There's a part of me that finds that completely hysterical. The other part is sort of stunned.

Welcome to the 21st century... I guess.