February 3, 2006

6:53 PM - 2/3/06
~Touching the dial

Just got off the phone with the, very nice, lady at the MRI place I'm going to on Tuesday. She said that I can get the films that day, if I want them (and YES I do), and that they can make a disk for me, but they charge for it. Bummer there, but... oh well.

They asked if I could bring my last set of films with me, so that the comparison work could get started quickly. I agreed. I'll pick them up on the 13th, when I go in for the t-spine. The quicker they get done with it, the quicker it gets back to Neurodude. The quicker it gets back to Neurodude, the quicker it'll be decided who gets to bitch-slap whom.

Today wasn't too bad. Got the lab work done, went to the store and to lunch. Completely passed out after RavensWings left though. I need more sleep, but I'm hoping it'll wait until after House. I missed it last week, thanks to the little ER trip that couldn't.

It could be seen as "sad" that my life is so revolved around watching tv, but I don't care. I like watching tv. Yes, I'd rather be doing other things... I'd rather not be sick at all... but, that's not the case.... so, I find my little pleasures where I can. If it's watching 5 hours straight of tv, on Thursday and Friday nights, so be it.

I should go. CSI is on, in about 10 minutes.

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9:29 PM - 2/3/06
~good head bad head

I feel like I have a lot to write about, but I keep going on "pause"... sitting here, ripping my beard out... The CSI episode that was on was one I'd seen, at least once, before. So, I guess I got distracted.

I'm sort of over-focused on my MRI films. I pulled them out tonight, in preparation for Tuesday. I looked them over again, and again had a bad reaction. Quite a few of the images are blurred. Too, there are only about 2 pages of images done with contrast. The previous MRI had 5 pages of images with contrast. I knew that it took a shorter amount of time, but I didn't think too hard on it then. Too, I got zapped. While laying there, before the MRI sequences started, it felt like someone had hooked my left hand up to an electrical outlet. I pulled my hand away from the side of the table and said "ouch.", but thought nothing more of it. I let the tech. know, but she gave me some sort of excuse that she pulled out of her ass about "maybe your hands were touching...".

It's just that I really think that the last MRI was no good. I do know what I feel. I do know when I get new symptoms. I was, honestly, shocked when Neurodude told me that there were "no new lesions". Looking over the films again, I'm not too surprised. There are hardly any contrast images there to look at, and the ones that seem to have something on them that's lit up are blurred beyond recognition. Here, you be the judge.

Then, learning that the machine actually died?... ummmm...

Why am I so focused on this?

Because I REFUSE to be called "crazy" anymore. I know the difference between when I get worse, and when it's the same old pain!

Please let this next MRI go better than the last one did. I need to know the difference between when it's in my head, and when it's in my head.