February 1, 2006

8:28 AM - 2/1/06
grrr

People infuriate me. It's not that they always try to, but invariably, they do. I'm not sure if it's the idiocy or the desperation that annoys me more.

I include myself in the above complaint.

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12:43 PM - 2/1/06
~Piss on Piss off

I'm really at a loss here. I have no clue what to say to Neurodude, even if I can manage to get in touch with him tomorrow.

The reality is that I'm not doing well at all... that, so far, Solu-Medrol hasn't done me any good... that there's nothing else they can do, aside from trying some pretty severe Chemo and humouring me with MRIs... and that's scaring the piss out of me.

The first treatment, in late November/early December of 2004, consisted of 3 days IV Solu-Medrol, followed by 11 days oral Prednisone. The treatment was done outpatient. The result was that the vision in my right eye returned, albeit with residual damage... could've been the Solu-Medrol, could've been the Prednisone, could've just been time. The "flare" did not stop. I had new and/or worsening of symptoms almost daily.

The second treatment was in the hospital, in March of 2005. My MRI was still lit up with new lesions. After 5 days IV Solu-Medrol, the result was nil. The "flare" did not stop. I had new and/or worsening of symptoms almost daily.

The next MRI, done in the end of July, was still lit up with new lesions. I did another course of Solu-Medrol in October, outpatient, at the request of the docs. The result was, again, nil... but there didn't appear to be any new lesions on the MRI when December rolled around. Then, they only looked at my brain, not my spine, and the images were of a crappy quality, so, who knows. All I know is that I continue d to have new and/or worsening symptoms, almost daily.

...and here we are in February of 2006. I've been diagnosed with "Progressive Relapsing" MS. That's to say, that all it does is get worse... and even when it dies down a bit, it stays bad. There's no real "getting better". There's just a plateau point with this, that, or the other thing, while other things worsen. The eye gets a little better, but then slides back downhill while I stop dripping urine all over myself. Then, the eyes gets a little better... just in time to see that my boxers are piss stained. While all that is going on my legs take turns with whatever pains are bored with themselves. Legs collapse, legs are ok but someone invisible whacks my shin with an invisible lead pipe, lead pipe stops, legs collapse, legs are ok but there are invisible moths landing on my scalp, moths fly away, oops! there goes the eye again, shoot, someone just connected my right hand to an electrical outlet...

...and they want to do ANOTHER course of Solu-Medrol? Why?!? So I can drip pee, have my tongue swell up, and end up back in the wheelchair? What's the point?!?!?!?!

My head hurts.

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9:03 PM - 2/1/06
(addendum)

(Added into the "past time" ~blog entry)


2/1/06 note: I'm VERY sorry about the current state of my archives. I'm hoping that ~blog will eventually get things sorted out.