February 21, 2006

11:00 AM - 2/21/06
~Obviously

I'm losing my sense of humor about all of this.

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3:26 PM - 2/21/06
~Don't Walk

I really don't want to do this next treatment. I will. I agreed to. It's outpatient. I don't want to though. I'm tired. It's not that I'm tired of fighting it, there really is no fighting it, I'm tired of living with it. Every day it's something else, either new, or worse, or still going on. The stuff has yet to help. The stuff will not stop the progression of this stupid disease. All it does is make me feel even sicker.

Yesterday wasn't too bad. I was feeling off, but as the day went on, I'd started feeling a little better. I really wanted to go for a walk. I've been wanting to, waiting for the weather to get a little nicer. I'd heard that today was supposed to be a few degrees warmer than it has been recently, so I was planning on attempting the walk today. Last night, I just started pacing, carefully, back and forth in my apartment. Not getting any exercise has been really upsetting me, so I try to, at least, pace if I can. So, I did.

My alarm went off right before 8, reminding me that House was coming on. I stopped my pacing, and figured I should go to the bathroom before tying myself to the tv.

Didn't make it.

Spent the next hour cleaning up the mess, and raging... rather loudly, I might add.

It's cold out today. I figure I'll use that as an excuse not to take that walk. It just has a much nicer ring to it than "I don't want to shit myself." does.