April 30, 2006

10:18AM - 4/30/06
~The fears of a clown

I’m not awake… sort of. Everything feels twisted and off. It’s not a pleasant feeling. Took me a good hour this morning to figure out what the hell I was talking about last night, when I came up with the title “Clownie pins”. Pin down the clown? Pins that clowns use? Pins with clowns on them? Indeed. Yes, I’m sure that they could be used to sedate a clown (like me), and of all the clowns I’ve ever known about, I’d have to say that “Clownie”, from Spawn, would be a good choice for representing at least one of my alter egos. Klonipin. …or is it Klonapin? Yeah, I couldn’t remember last night either, hence my creating “Clownie pins”.

At some point, about midway through that entry, I headed for lala land. Between the Inderal, the many beers, and the Clownie pins, I had a rather long nap. I have no clue who I was upset with last night, but I did notice that my mother had called, when I looked at my phone this morning. Who knows? Inderal takes care of a lot of that for me, that pesky actually remembering things habit. Memory loss is lots of fun. I said what? Ummmmm… ok, I’ll take your word for it.

I am so not doing well. This really sucks. I’m trying my best to get through this, but I fear that by writing during this psycho-stretch I’m trashing what’s left of my dignity. Every now and again, I do care what people think about me. I try to keep that in mind during the other times, when I don’t give a flying fuck what other people think about me. Right now though, I don’t know whether I care or not. I seem to be apologizing a lot lately. I guess that I must care a little bit.
I think that I have to get back into bed.

Sorry

---

7:54PM - 4/30/06
~Hay Hey Haye

I suppose
okay?
that I just could
drink my way
into May

okay?

Sounds like a plan

just like any other day

day

It's all one
long

day.