April 7, 2006

9:22 AM - 4/7/06
~Balam

Some people want to ally themselves with that which they fear. Others want to hide from that which they fear. Still others are content to observe that which they fear, from what they consider to be a safe distance.

Demons are demons. If you ally yourself with a demon, the demon will lose interest. There is no safe distance. There is no hiding. Demons will find you in dreams. Demons will follow you to the grave without even taking a step.

I sleep better at night, knowing that you are out there, cowering in fear.


2:42 PM - 4/7/06
~points

My head is messy. It hurts, and my eyes are screwed up. My ears are bad too. ...as usual.

Been feeling pretty scattered. Feel like I should do another blog "project". At the same time, even just the thought of it overwhelms me. The last one, the MS Awareness project, was difficult on a lot of levels, and for a lot of reasons. A lot of my writing names names, so to speak, and not only is other people's privacy important to me, but my feelings about other people aren't always something I wish to share with the world. I could have changed the names, and in some cases I (sort of) did, but the dates would have given things away to people who have known me for a while, who read this blog, so I left a lot out.

Maybe I should do that... just post writing and leave the dates a mystery. The only problem with that, is that people will assume that the writing is current, or certainly about them, and I'll get tired of explaining myself. Then, I guess I could link the entries to an explanation/disclaimer page.

...but what is the point? The MS Awareness project had a point. I was trying to accomplish something, trying to educate people. What point would slapping up random writing serve? Entertaining people? Showing people how messed up my head is? Exposing my pain? Revenge?

I do struggle with that. There are still a few people around that I feel hatred towards. Many days, I want to lash out. I usually don't though. I hang onto "two wrongs don't make a right", and still my fingers. I can't say that I've done that throughout this blog though. Sometimes the rage gets the best of me. It usually has to do with love though. Those are really the only people who I feel that sort of emotion about. Love and hate... opposite sides of a tossing coin. I think that I wrote that once, a long time ago. I think that it's the love which stills my fingers. When the love starts to fade, it stops being about right and wrong. It just becomes about throwing a temper tantrum until I'm sated.

I have no clue what I'm talking about.

I think I need a drink.