April 1, 2006

10:34 AM - 4/1/06
~Country Mouse. Sewer Rat.

So, the project is done. I don't know if it really helped anyone else out, but I think that it might have done me some good, on one level or another. I'm glad it's finished though. The weather is changing, and per usual, so is my head.

It was so hot in here last night that I actually had to turn my a/c on. Tell you what though, above and beyond the cool air, the constant hum of the unit is like gold to me. It covers up all the little noises that would otherwise wake me.

My brother is coming up to visit for a couple of days, on Monday. This makes me smile. I really wish that we lived closer. On my good days, when I feel like it's safe to be around other people, I really do hate being here in Massachusetts. I'm a city-boy. I eat trees, I don't hug them! (Sorry, couldn't resist.)

Which reminds me... I have to make sure that I buy a lottery ticket. The jackpot is up to 138 million. That'll pay the bills for a while, after I get my ass back to Philly (where it belongs!), and it should also cover the cost of a driver, so that I can see RavensWings all the time. :)


11:18 AM - 4/1/06
That time of year

Something feels off... bad off.

I hate not knowing whether it's all in my head, or all around me.

I'm paranoid, but sometimes... I'm right.


8:31 PM - 4/1/06
~the usual crap

I'm feeling more than a little "off".

It's tough to describe the feeling... something like a combination of bored, apathetic, sad, and desperate... I suppose.

I want to do something, yet I don't know what I'd do, if I could do at all.

Minutes feel like hours.

So much pain... yet, nothing I can pin it on. Nothing I can take a pill for either.

I think that I might just have to go into "stare at the tv" mode, for a while.

I can pretend like I'm in the hospital... only it's a smoker-friendly hospital... but you have to make your own food. ...but that's ok, because there aren't people chasing you with pills and needles.

I wish that there were hospitals that you could go into in order to get better.

I wish that I could get better.