December 10, 2005

10:14 AM - 12/10/05
~Deserted

In the past, I've been called a "raw nerve". My response to that? "That's MR. Raw Nerve, to you!"

I'm an intense person. I love hard. I hate hard. I laugh hard. I take offense hard. I express myself, sometimes not at all, and sometimes to the point of picking up a bullhorn. That's who I am.

I could explain the psychological shit that's behind making me like that, but that's not going to mean much. It won't change who am... and for that, I'm glad.

I started this blog because more and more, in my life, I was being pushed into rage by others... online and off. I started it so that I could just be myself... not have to debate... not have to defend myself... not have to spend all that energy stopping myself from smacking the shit out of people.

People are liars, as a general rule. Life is a game. Mean one thing, say another. Feel one thing, say another. Be nice when you're angry. Show anger over trivial bullshit instead. I never liked the game. I'm not too good at it either... the acting part.

I guess that it can be said that I just "don't know how to behave". True enough... but not entirely. It's not that I don't know how to "behave", I just don't like what it entails. What it entails is being fake. What it entails is being a liar.

Rules. Manners. Politeness. Pretense.

Fuck you. I don't serve you. I don't like your social bullshit. I don't like having to play by the rules. I'll follow "The Law". I follow "the law" because it serves me to do so. I don't like being locked up with people who hurt me. If I break the law, I might get locked up with people who will hurt me. So, I don't take the risk. I follow the law... the law of my town, the law of my State, and the law of my Country. The "laws of God" and Society? Fuck that shit. "The laws of God" are something created by Society, and Society has not been all too kind to me. I owe Society nothing.

I'M God. I make the rules. I'll serve whomever I want to serve. I'll dress however I want to dress. I'll express whatever opinions or emotions I want to. I DON'T CARE THAT I SCARE YOU. I wouldn't scare you, if you had balls enough to look in the mirror.

...that place you don't dare look.... go there... you'll see me staring back at you.

Remember that?

I'm who you want to be. I'm what you want to be.

I scare you.

YOU scare you.


...and when I look in the mirror, and see your face... I hate myself.

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2:27 PM - 12/10/05
~Nothing better to do

Spent the last bunch of hours dealing with the Valium fallout. Depression. I hate that.

Now, I'm going to go do what I do best... have a drink and hide in the sacred land of television.

Fuck MS. The way I'm going to go is simply by being BORED TO DEATH.

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4:03 PM - 12/10/05
~Richard Pryor

So long, Richard.

I'll toast you for as long as I can drink a drink, smoke a smoke, or laugh my ass off... and even after that.

Shoot, I'll think of you every time I light a match. ;)

You'll always be a "hero" to someone... as long as I exist.

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4:24 PM - 12/10/05
The hit count (8)

43,118