December 16, 2005

8:14 AM - 12/16/05
~sleepwriting

I'm still very tired. I'm not sure why I got out of bed. Attempting to keep myself on some sort of schedule really doesn't make too much sense. Then, often I do things that don't make too much sense.

I think that I'm happy about yesterday's appointment. Not so much about the MRI results, but about the fact that communicating with Neurodude went well. In so far as doctors go, they can be as uneducated as a 12 year old, or clumsy as hell, but if they treat me with respect, I'll keep them. Same goes for the other way around though, I don't care how many certificates are on your wall, treat me poorly and you're no doctor of mine. All a diploma means to me is that you could afford one.

In so far as the MRI results go, "no new lesions" wasn't news to me. I'd seen the films. What worries me is that there are a lot of new symptoms. That makes me think "spine?" and that worries me a bit. I think that, provided I'm still clear of new (brain) lesions in March, I'll ask him to check my spine in June, if I'm still having the problems I'm having now, or if things get worse. Not like anything can be done about it, I guess, but it's probably a good thing to know.

I'm still mourning my lost comments. I hope that people won't hesitate to comment now. I'm pretty sure that it was a one time thing. It has never happened before. I'd wanted to save a lot of those comments too. grrrrr

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11:29 AM - 12/16/05
The hit count (11)

44,592

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4:52 PM - 12/16/05
~Cucumber Jello

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I fell asleep for about an hour, and woke up hungry. I managed to take out a pan, then got sidetracked. That was about two hours ago. Now, I'm not hungry. I feel depressed.

My legs keep collapsing. I'm dizzy. Various pains. I really don't give a rat's ass about "no new lesions". All I know is that, every day, I feel worse than the last.

I wish it wasn't all icy out. I wish that I felt capable of walking and seeing out there. I could go for a bottle of scotch. All I have is vodka and beer. I don't want beer, it's too heavy. The vodka tastes like shit, unless you drink it with something else... and I don't want anything else. I just want to do shots until I projectile my intestines like a Sea Cucumber.

I'm sick and tired of laying in bed, watching tv. I'm sick and tired of having my "social life" consist of sitting on my ass in front of a computer screen. Always sick, always tired, and always waiting for something interesting to happen.

Maybe I'll drink some vodka. Maybe it'll spark my appetite. Maybe I can ignore the fact that my body is slowly turning into jello.