December 25, 2005

10:53 AM - 12/25/05
~Happy Chanukah

Well, almost. It starts at sun down. Something tells me that, today, it won't even be noticed by most non-Jewish people though, so I thought I'd pick up the ball and say something.

Christmas makes me sick... and angry. I have personal issues with Chanukah which have nothing to do with society, government, or the world at large. Chanukah doesn't anger me in the same way Christmas does though. Although, maybe it's just my perspective because I'm in the "minority", I don't know. Every day, Christianity is "shoved down my throat". There's no avoiding it. Shoot, even in my apartment building, the first thing you see when coming into the building is a big ol' cross. I live in a country that still thinks swearing on a bible is not only appropriate, but that it actually means that a person won't lie. News flash, if you lie, even after swearing on a bible, all you have to do, provided you're Catholic, is go to confession. All you have to do is remember to hug Santa.

Christmas. Used to be Winter Solstice. They had to make "Jesus' birthday" in December. No one wanted to give up celebrating the Solstice... to say nothing of those pesky Jews and their silly Hanukkah. Better get a tree, some gifts, and some lights into this somehow.

Most of my "friends" celebrate the holidays, in one form or another. I wish them a Merry Christmas, or whatever is appropriate to them. If I don't know, "Happy Holidays" works, or even just "Happy New Year", provided they come from a country which follows the same calendar. I don't wish to be rude, and I try to show respect to people, no matter what they choose to believe in, or what they've been brainwashed into. If a stranger wishes me "Merry Christmas", I usually respond with, "Same to you". I know that they only mean well. I'm not out there beating up the various Santa Clausicles.

It's just rather irritating. Every day, and every night, I have to live by the judaeo-christian based laws which are put on the books. Most of those laws, I don't think should be laws. Yet, I follow them. Why? Because if I don't, the people who believe in those laws and fear those who don't, will put me in a cage. I thought that laws were supposed to be about protecting people, not punishing them or manipulating them.

Religion is everywhere in this country. "God" is all over everything. "God" is on our money. "God" is guiding our government. "God" is required to save you from evil liquid beverages and pills and powders. "God" has his own schools, and often attends everyone else's. "God" is in our court houses. "God" is on the news. "God" is in the jails. "God" is in the hospitals. "God". "God" requires donations. "I can't find a good man. At least I have "God" to talk to." "I can't love another man, I'll get beat up for it. At least I have "God" to kneel before." Millions of people have been slaughtered in the name of "God".

Man has created "God" in MAN's own image.

"God" is fashioned for "The Majority".

"God" exists to keep the masses from questioning. "God" exists so that the ones up top can control the ones at the bottom. "God" exists so that there actually IS a bottom.


Jesus wept.

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2:44 PM - 12/25/05
~GLBTQ

Just got off the phone with my friend, "Cage". There's a slight possibility that she might be able to come up here, in a couple of weeks, to pick me up, and bring me HOME for a week or so.

This makes me feel REALLY REALLY REALLY HAPPY.

Today, I miss "my people". More so than any other time of the year, Christmas and New Year's can kick my ass. Since moving from Philly, it's been pretty brutal.

See, that's what "ordinary" people don't get about the bars and the GLBT subculture. To those of us who don't have families because of being who we are, and to those who can't be themselves for fear of being kicked out of the family, there's always a place we can go... to feel a little understood, to feel safer, and to feel comfortably "normal". Wherever the community gathers, it's a refuge. Even with all the in-fighting and drama (and believe me, there's A LOT), it's still more welcoming than about 75% of the rest of the world to GLBT people.

I should start adding "Q" in. There are a lot of people who simply identify as "Queer". I'm debating that one for myself. "Queer" means "odd" or "different". I certainly walk in those boots. Like many other labels though, it has a REALLY nasty ring to it. It's a "hate" word. It's a label you do not display for fear of getting beat to death by small minded, usually jealous because of being attracted to other men but too scared to act on it, men with baseball bats.

Ah... such is life. Ain't it grand? The American Dream.

Think I should go back to focusing on my potential trip home. I'm starting to feel bitter again.

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11:22 PM - 12/25/05
Waste

It just somehow freaks me out that I have about $2500 of meds in my mess of a med box. That's more than the most expensive thing I've ever owned.

It's also a WASTE. People can't afford meds, and about half of what I have I probably won't even use. I won't even go into the couple of grands worth of Copaxone I had to throw away, or the bazillion blood tests I didn't need, or the numerous doctor visits I didn't need.

Wish I could share the meds with someone who needs them, without being afraid of being arrested.