~16 part 2

May 1, 1986

I dropped out of school today. I'm not so sure why, I just know that I didn't want to be there anymore. I have a feeling I'm going to die soon. I've had the feeling for a while, I think I'm scared in a way. I mean, I'm curious about death, I'm suicidal already, but I think the idea of dying when I don't want to scares me. I just threw some pills down my throat. I feel like ODing. I certianly have enough medicine to do it with. Life is such a shit. It's a joke. Death is probably so beautiful that's probably it. Life's a joke, we don't have to live, death is probably better but since no one knows it we live until we're old and grey and insane. What a joke. I don't know why I'm still living. Probably Drue or the hope of something better. I don't know why. I could've finished school. Only two more months. But it's too late now. Too late to turn back. I'm doomed. Maybe that's what I want.